Not taking his name- elderly relative - help!

[happygirl87]

DH and I married last year, and agreed we would each keep our own names. Family (on both sides) all think I am being weird, but after first comments were met with a steely glare they have shut up.

However, DH has an older, very traditional, very wealthy relative, who likes to give him money on an ad hoc basis. She gives to all the younger family members, and I think that it genuinely gives her great pleasure to be able to do that, so whether we should accept the money is not an issue. However, since the wedding she wants to include me in the gift, and so gives us cheques made out to "Mr and Mrs DHName". Since I am not MrsDHName, I am MsHappyGirl, the bank won't take the cheques. We have previously asked her to rewrite them, but she is in her late 80s and generally becoming a bit confused, and this makes her very distressed and flustered. We have tried asking her to put any future cheques (if there are any, obv totally at her discretion) into DH's name only, but she forgets. I feel like a total bitch, making an old lady who is trying to be generous suffer just because of my principles.

Any suggestions?

WhoKnows don't worry, it's a very valid query, but fortunately her daughter is taking things over in a sort of "phased" way, and reviews major bills, decisions etc- but not individual family gifts.

On a whim I stuck my head into HSBC (random unscientific sampling based on my lunch route!) and asked about opening an acc in married name- they said maiden name ID plus maiden name utility bill plus marriage cert would be sufficient. So that's an option at least....

whoknows DH opened an account with her mum when she just arrived in nz. It's her first proof of address. But it's the bank we use (hsbc). They will accept proof of address of just one account holder.

Aha just saw your latest post. It seems hsbc is quite lax then.

And it just occurred to me we could cash a Mr and Mrs terror cheque because of the account with MIL lol.

I have a lloyds account and registered my marriage certificate with them once, now I can pay in cheques whether they're in my name or if somebody tries to make me use DH's name.

However Natwest isn't as helpful - want's to see the marriage certificate each time I pay in a cheque using dh's name. Guess which bank I tend to use more often!

You'd think that some banks would realise that this is quite a big deal to a lot of people and something that they could sort their systems out to deal with pretty easily and provide customers with excellent service at minimal extra cost to themselves - a win-win situation surely!

Yonic I like the idea of saying no joint acc, I think that would diffuse a lot of tension, thank you. I think amending the cheque is still an issue, as we don't actually see her v often, since she lives a few hours away, so it's all done by letter. But for the future we could possibly get her to put a note on her chequebook saying "DH - cheques in his name only, no joint acc with Happy" (I think a note saying "Happy has kept maiden name" would be a far more bitter pill!)

ZipZap I agree- I get fraud rules etc, but I think if you register marriage cert (and perhaps provide it as well) that should suffice! However, the man I spoke to today said that historically they let you do that, but no bank will allow it now

Have you tried paying it in using the self service machines? They don't have outdated opinions.

I've kept my name and I'm sure we've cheques accepted by the Halifax which have been in the wrong name. Good luck.

If she is this set in her ways surely telling her he doesn't agree with joint accounts is easiest and he opens an account in his name?

My husband and I really don't have a joint account.

they won't let your husband (who has the right name) pay the cheque into the joint account?

that's ridiculous. Complain upwards. You don't both need to be there to pay in a joint cheque. I even pay in his cheques into the joint account without him there.

i've had wrong name cheques rejected by the LLoyds bank automated machine, it turned up in the post a couple of days letter with a note saying no.

Special, if the cheque was just to DH then it would be accepted by the joint account.

Special, I guess there has to be a line drawn somewhere- if wealthy relative wrote a joint cheque to DH and DH's married sister, who has her DH's name, he obviously couldn't pay it into our joint acc- I suppose his name and my married name is no different from a fraud perspective?!

hmmm - I suppose so, although production of a marriage certificate would (you hope) suggest that the two parties concerned trust each other. That said, perhaps they worry that there has been a subsequent divorce?

what a minefield!

You should just change your current account provider anyway, on principle. This is ridiculous!