Not taking his name- elderly relative - help!

[happygirl87]

DH and I married last year, and agreed we would each keep our own names. Family (on both sides) all think I am being weird, but after first comments were met with a steely glare they have shut up.

However, DH has an older, very traditional, very wealthy relative, who likes to give him money on an ad hoc basis. She gives to all the younger family members, and I think that it genuinely gives her great pleasure to be able to do that, so whether we should accept the money is not an issue. However, since the wedding she wants to include me in the gift, and so gives us cheques made out to "Mr and Mrs DHName". Since I am not MrsDHName, I am MsHappyGirl, the bank won't take the cheques. We have previously asked her to rewrite them, but she is in her late 80s and generally becoming a bit confused, and this makes her very distressed and flustered. We have tried asking her to put any future cheques (if there are any, obv totally at her discretion) into DH's name only, but she forgets. I feel like a total bitch, making an old lady who is trying to be generous suffer just because of my principles.

Any suggestions?

Can't you and your DH take your marriage certificate to the bank? It might be a pain but if you're there with all your ID they should pay it in

I am really surprised the bank won't accept them.

Rosie I've tried that- that is much less pain than any other options!- but bank have said that either I change my name with them, totally and permanently, across all accounts, or they won't take the cheques. And if I do that then (a) its BIG step psychologically in terms of changing my name when I didn't want to, and (b) practically when setting up direct debits, getting people to pay me, having salary paid, using bank cards, getting mortgage etc, it would all have to be in MrsDHName.....

Is your DH trying to pay them into a joint account or an account in his name?

What bank are you with? Mine takes them with a marriage certificate.

He went in with a certified copy of marriage certificate and tried to pay them into our joint acc which is in name of "Mr DHName and Ms HappyGirl", and I went in separately into a different branch, also with certified copy of cert, and tried to pay into same acc.

I would complain about that bank worker, TBH. I would also call your bank to confirm this is their policy rather than her opinion!

Open a joint account at a bank with a different policy and use solely for these cheques?

Has your DH tried paying them into his own account?

(Ie one that's solely in his name)

Open a new account with a different bank and just change your name for that one. Only use it for this purpose. And name and shame btw as that's ridiculous!

Halifax. I assumed it was universal, but maybe we should just try more branches?! The woman I spoke to was very abrupt, and basically said she is expected me to come in with original cert asap to change my name fully- implied that not having done it so far was remiss and lazy, not a conscious decision, and basically suggested I was acting dishonestly by having a bank acc in unmarried name when I am now married.

So maybe I am just overreacting to the shocking customer service

Also definitely complain!

I can pay joint cheques into my sole account, so your dh should be able to and then give you half....

Yonic who do you bank with?

Definitely complain about that employee.

Thanks all- he hasn't tried paying into sole account, but will give that a go, we assumed if joint acc plus marriage cert didn't work then sole acc definitely wouldn't. Otherwise finding a new bank and opening an acc in married name might be least hassle.
Anyone whose bank accepts marriage cert, OR who can pay joint cheques into sole name, if you wouldn't midn telling me which bank I'd be grateful!

I like the idea of a joint account in a different bank in your married name.

I kept my birth name so I understand. I would be furious if the bank staff told me its ridiculous to keep my name. I love my name. I have used it for over 30 years before I got married. It's me!

Complain about the woman - she's basically accused you of fraud. What she's said is bollocks - Barclays accepted cheques addressed to Mr and Mrs DH with a marriage cert.

I mean in your case. I don't have any accounts in my married name because I don't have rich elderly relatives

Here is an old thread on this. It looks like the banks shouldn't accept a cheque in two names into a single name account:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1716470-Paying-a-cheque-made-payable-to-Mr-and-Mrs-DH

(Wonder how many of them check if you put it into the deposit postbox...)

I'm in exactly the same situation. We bank with Smile, and so pay our cheques in via envelopes that are paid in at the Post Office. While I am sure that there are lots of checks on how this is done I have never had one refused...

But yes, I would complain about that member of staff.

Oh, sorry, I have never personally tried with the cheque thing. I did go back to elderly relative to get it corrected though!

Just had a quick google, Guardian article from 2010 says that payee on cheque must match name on account, but Barclays, HSBC and Lloyds will credit cheques paid to maiden name if marriage cert is provided (so presume would apply the other way around).
I should complain about the employee, but didn't get name or anything. Tbh I was disproportionately upset by her and just wanted to get out! When I go back I'll try to find out who she is.

Ok, so it seems like it depends a bit on bank policy, and a bit on how the particular staff member feels?!

TwoTerrors, I don't have any elderly relatives either, only DH does It's quite Dickensian!

Thanks Yonic I'll check out that thread now