Not taking his name- elderly relative - help!

[happygirl87]

DH and I married last year, and agreed we would each keep our own names. Family (on both sides) all think I am being weird, but after first comments were met with a steely glare they have shut up.

However, DH has an older, very traditional, very wealthy relative, who likes to give him money on an ad hoc basis. She gives to all the younger family members, and I think that it genuinely gives her great pleasure to be able to do that, so whether we should accept the money is not an issue. However, since the wedding she wants to include me in the gift, and so gives us cheques made out to "Mr and Mrs DHName". Since I am not MrsDHName, I am MsHappyGirl, the bank won't take the cheques. We have previously asked her to rewrite them, but she is in her late 80s and generally becoming a bit confused, and this makes her very distressed and flustered. We have tried asking her to put any future cheques (if there are any, obv totally at her discretion) into DH's name only, but she forgets. I feel like a total bitch, making an old lady who is trying to be generous suffer just because of my principles.

Any suggestions?

I agree with others: change banks and complain about that twattish staff member.

I am with Lloyds and HSBC and they are fine.... in fact we have joint accounts in my maiden name and my married name, and I pay cheques in and out of both with no issues at all. In the early days(7 years ago) I did have an issue with lloyds and took my marriage cert in, but that was fine. I would push it, an argue it.

We have a joint account in his name & mine (different names) at Barclays and they've accepted cheques written to Mr & Mrs DH. I would change your bank account!

Okay.... I was not being clear. I have a single LLyds joint bank account where the bank statements come to me stating our married names, but the chequebooks for the same account come in my maiden name. If that makes sense. I have one joint account. The names seem to vary.

So Statements come as Mr and Mrs Twaddlehead
Chequebooks come in as Mr Twaddlehead and Miss CornChips

For the same account.

I am getting confused myself now!

CornChips that's brilliant- presumably an oversight by the bank?!

We only have separate accounts and I have never been able to persuade Lloyds to accept cheques made out to Mrs Firstname DHsurname into my account which is in the name of Miss Firstname ownsurname. It hasn't happened for ages though.

I have no idea! TBH I have never give it any thought!

I use both names interchangeably according to whim though.

I would change banks, it should be fine with a marriage certificate. I had this issue after we first got married and I hadn't got round to changing my name, I have accounts with more than one bank and didn't have a problem at all.

Just went into branch- they said that under current fraud rules, no bank should offer to pay in cheques in married name with a marriage cert if account is in maiden name, no bank should allow joint cheque into sole acc, and no bank should allow "also known as" on the account. Also I cannot have a separate acc with them in a different name. So my only options with Halifax (and they say with everyone else) are to change my name completely or to get a new cheque.

They also say it may have been different a few years ago, but fraud rules are tighter now. Sigh.

Open an account somewhere else in both names and use for cheques like this - even if its just a savings account.

just much easier

I would be VERY suprised if they allowed a joint name cheque to be paid in to a single account - rife for fraud!

I work in a bank, none of the above though, and we would not be able to accept a cheque into an account with a different name showing even with a marriage certificate.

One particular high street bank would not have allowed that nearly 10 years ago unless you had been married less than 6 months and as far as I am aware that is standard policy so I don't know how some of you have got away with it honestly.

I had this with a recent gift; the relatives still write to me as Mrs X when I am and always have been Ms Y. Did manage to get the cheque paid into Barclays where I have a joint account with Mr X, showing the 20-plus year old certificate to prove I am married to him. Counter clerk said it was strictly illegal as cheque says 'payee only' but did it just this once. Really didn't want to get back to gift giver and ask for new cheque as that does seem rude.

simplest solution is to open a joint account with your husband who does have the right name, and get him to pay it in. This doesn't upset generous relative and means you don't have the aggro of name changing.

TBH the problem will go away...

My children were left 3? share in a will. I had two children and was pregnant with the third and great grandad wanted to leave the children the same. Baby DS was born and I took the single cheque into the bank, paid to me. The counter clerk divided it by three and paid the same amounts into each child's account. If they can do that (payable to me, only two children named) why can they not accept a cheque when it is clear who it is meant for?

Would elderly relative rewrite cheque to just DH?

Just set up a joint bank account with both your names on it as it appears on the cheque?

Just, in that instance, it's likely that the clerk cleared the cheque into your account then immediately paid it on to the three children.

Can you set up an account in a married name if you have absolutely no ID in that name, just a marriage certificate? Don't they still ask for passport, utility bill or whatever?

I wondered that WhoKnows.

SpecialSubject, I do have a joint acc with DH in name of "Mr DHName and MsHappy", but neither of us has been able to pay the cheque into that acc.

Yonic I think it's that or we try to find a new bank to open an acc solely for kind relative's cheques. Only issues are a) it's a horrible idea of having an acc as MrsDHName and b) Sod's law that bank will start a great mortgage offer or summat, we'll want to move all our banking to them, and they'll have me on record as MrsDH....

But honestly when we ask kindly relative for new cheque she gets so confused - I think she's upset about what names our (as yet unconceived or thought of!) DC will have, then she worries she's given us two cheques, so other family members need more money, or she'll assume we aren't married yet and worry that she doesn't know when the wedding is....it feel cruel to make her go through it tbh.

Oh God WhoKnows hadn't thought of that! If I have to change bills and stuff I might as well just change everything, and take the bloody name!

She could just cross out "& Mrs" and initial it?

Say you don't have a joint account rather than making it about the surnames?

The cheques we paid in made out to Mr & Mrs DH were in 2012 after our wedding, perhaps fraud rules have been tightened since then. I've been caught out once at the post office trying to collect a package addressed to Mrs DH (sent by a person who knew DH but not me), but the post office person let me get away with it that one time.

That's how I feel, I have no ID in Mrs DH's name because, well, it's not my name. I've had it with an elderly aunt too, in the end I bit the bullet and wrote to her, explaining very clearly why we couldn't cash her cheque (it was Christmas money for the DCs), and to my surprise (she is VERY old fashioned and traditional) she wrote back saying she quite understood and with a cheque in my name, she has addressed letters to me correctly ever since too. However it is hard if your relative suffers with confusion. Without wishing to pry into your family, is there someone prepared to take over her finances when it does become too much for her?