Feminist Pub XVIII, in which the Bluestocking greets the first signs of spring with a glass of something soothing

[PuffinsAreFictitious]

Just starting this one as the last is nearly full

I love where I work now. It's populated by wonderful women who have just spent lunchtime discussing feminism and women doing PhDs on Viking knitting patterns!

INicked... you have been very wise. I'm glad your relative has realised the error of his ways, hopefully it will help him to become much more thoughtful about how his words can affect others. You were also completely correct in calling the school, as kickass says, the teachers will no doubt have been aware that there was something going on, and now they know what it is, they can keep a surreptitious eye on her, especially during this already stressful time.

Well done you!

Not a fan of the Fast Show sketch of phlegmy old codgers talking about gardening then?

Oh no, I love GW and would be very sad not to be able to watch - it must be so frustrating to be sensitive to that. I'm fortunate enough not to be too troubled by these things, though I can't listen to Laurie Taylor as he makes little grunts that you can hear on the radio while his interviewee is talking

You wouldn't like sitting next to DD as she eats then. She's only 10 months though so hopefully she'll grow out of it.

Could you mute him and put the subtitles on?

There is actually a word for it, though - Misphonia or somwething like that I think?

So here's what's troubling me this evening: my hair.

My fringe is flopping in my eyes and driving me crazy. I hate "woman hair". I can't be arsed with going to hairdressers and I hate having hair in my eyes. So the answer would seem to be to grow it and just tie it back. But no, I also hate washing long hair. I hate the time it takes, I hate having to use conditioner etc. And I exercise a lot so need to wash it quite often. Though luckily, not as often I as I had to while I was still in the lab, which was very freakin' weekday!

My hair is short-ish at the moment, which makes washing much easier, but bits still flap all over my face and drive me nuts.

I want man hair. I want to be able to run the clippers over my head every couple of weeks and job done. I want to be able to walk down the street with my hair in a number 6 with not one person batting an eyelid because it's a perfectly normal hairstyle for a woman to have. I know I could just clipper all mine off, but it would become A Thing. People would stare and ask me about it and my friends and family might be uncomfortable to be seen out with me. I don't want to be weird with my short hair. But I really just Do Not Want To Have To Bother With It! Fucking society and having to perform femininity in order not to be a freak.

When mine's at that stage, I tend to clip the fringe back. It may look crap, but if I'm doing something like working in the garden, it's necessary.

Sera I cut my own fringe when it gets too long. Got proper hairdressing scissors from Amazon. Every 3-4 months I go to the hairdresser's and have everything chopped shortish and the fringe repaired while they laugh at me. We have a set of clippers where the longest cut is about 2 inches. Won't that work? I've been tempted for a while now.

Sera I know how you feel. I have my hair cut very short about every 6/8 weeks & just suck up having to go to the hairdressers. It's easy to maintain - just wash & go. I find making my next appointment when I have just had it cut helps, it then just becomes one of those things I have to do, like dental check ups.

PS Mine is short enough not to have a fringe! Fringes are a pain.

I do the same as magi, I used to have long hair and I have highlights and the combination meant though infrequent hair appointments were half a day's palaver, and combing it after washing was a pain.
Now I have a pixie cut and it's a quick trim which I also rebook each time.

Today we were at church and the children were making flags, DS and another 3 year old were putting stickers on theirs. At this age they expect a parent to stay and the other parent took a sheet of stickers away from him saying "those are girls' stickers". Obviously he couldn't be trusted to work this out for himself as they were small dark coloured stickers with writing on them. The writing said "Hannah Montana" and "Pop Star".
I just listened to Lucy Porter on R4 who was talking about a mum who told her not putting her daughter in pink would make her lesbian. I'm guessing that mum has now moved to the North.

(I should clarify that the other DC was a boy and the mum took the stickers away from her own child).

Oh come on folks! I thought you of all people would get it. I know how to maintain my hair in a patriarchy-approved manner. I just really really resent that I have to.

I am sorry if I don't get it either, but I had short-almost-shaved hair for a very long time and nobody commented on it

Go to a unisex barber's and ask for a men's style? I need to get mine done short again. It's annoying me, it's chin length now. It irritates me that people see me and say "Wow! Your hair has grown, it looks really nice!" A woman turned up to a fortnightly brunch meeting I go to on Friday and she'd had hers cut short and everyone did the whole "You're so brave! It really suits you!" thing.

Do you not want the hair like that, Sera, or do you want it like that, but don't want to have to maintain it?

Because if you don't want it like that, then could you try not having it like that and see if you can live with the reactions (if any)?

I know that sounds easy to say, and I am not you, and I'm happy with a "feminine" style and reasonably happy with the associated maintenance (my hairdresser doesn't talk to me unnecessarily and lets me get on and read a book, it doesn't take that long, I can combine it with boring or fun errands). I did have 1/2" long hair aged 16 though but I don't really remember many negative comments. Though I may not have been paying attention, given my age, or perhaps it's more acceptable for teenagers to rebel.

It did rather sound like you didn't mind HAVING longer hair, just that you hated the maintenance, hence the tips for hair maintenance.

I hate the maintenance of little girls' long hair (I even hate the idea of the maintenance of little girls' long hair, as I've never had to do it, as DD's hair is still very short!) so we won't be growing her hair long. I actually don't particularly like the look of it but even if I liked it my dislike of the maintenance would probably overrule the look.

I am crossing my fingers that a weekly every other day brushing and a termly cut will be OK for her hair in either a bob or a shorter cut, the same as it is for DS.

Sounded to me as if you were looking for ideas about what to do with your hair.

When I was a child my mother would not let me have long hair until I was old enough to look after it myself (about 10, as far as I remember).

Dd1 has short hair. She cut it herself, then I tidied it up (not my idea, I'd have taken her to a hairdresser but she did it herself one Sunday afternoon and I was the only person available to tidy it up) Its the longest length on our clippers and looks fabulous. I'm not quite brave enough to do it myself though.

I've just spent the afternoon at a friend's house. Both DC (her ds and my dd) were happily playing with the garage and train set when she brought out some Barbies and said "I'm not being sexist but I thought your dad would prefer to play with these" How is that not sexist? Dd ignored the barbies and carried on playing with the train set.

Skim read that and momentarily thought someone was offering barbies to a bloke to play with - well that might be nonsexist but it'd be weird! I noticed when my dd was young that it was more often mothers with only boys who would give birthday gifts of barbies or pink clothes - anyone else find that?

Sorry, I didn't even notice that typo, definitely my dd, not my dad.

Dd2 had a birthday recently and almost every present she got was pink, Barbie, or My little pony. She did get a book token which was great, and a dinosaur craft kit which she loved, but most people went with "generic 5yo girl" stuff, whether they were parents of boys or girls.