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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminist Pub XVIII, in which the Bluestocking greets the first signs of spring with a glass of something soothing

994 replies

PuffinsAreFictitious · 16/03/2015 23:08

Just starting this one as the last is nearly full

OP posts:
ChopperGordino · 27/03/2015 22:37

Kickass hope you and dd are having a peaceful evening Flowers

ChopperGordino · 27/03/2015 22:39

Ooh where I put "distraction" I meantto write "reassurance" but got... erm... distracted!

BuffyEpistemiwhatsit · 28/03/2015 08:22

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OublietteBravo · 28/03/2015 08:28

Thanks everyone - I'm feeling less worried today Smile

It is a bit of a strange trip structure. Part school trip and part family trip. Some of the boys are going with their parents and siblings, some (like DS) are going on their own. I'm not quite sure how the dynamics will work. I'm sure he'll be absolutely exhausted by the time he gets home - given they are travelling by coach, I imagine he'll be pretty tired when he arrives in Austria.

UptoapointLordCopper · 28/03/2015 08:34

Good morning!

Perfectly reasonable question Buffy.

DS1 will be going away on his own too soon and a bit worried about feeling homesick. The packing list does not include a soft toy! We were Shock! Woodcraft Folk camping list always include a teddy. Smile Smile

StormyBrid · 28/03/2015 08:55

An old schoolmates posted on fb about his wife performing in some comedy thing. "Almost as proud as the day she said 'I do'," he said. So getting herself an owner is more of an achievement? Angry

VampyreQueen · 28/03/2015 08:56

Morning all!

DC's will be fine and dandy Lord Copper and Oubliette. Enjoy the peace and quiet Grin

Can I ask for some advice, even though it's not particularly to do with Feminism?

TheBlackRider · 28/03/2015 08:59

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UptoapointLordCopper · 28/03/2015 09:02

Ask away vampyre.

UptoapointLordCopper · 28/03/2015 09:03

The only people who are allowed to be proud of me are my parents. Anyone else I would feel patronised. But I'm very grumpy.

OublietteBravo · 28/03/2015 09:14

It depends what they are being proud if me for. DH was proud of me when I passed some particularly tricky professional exams and when I got a big promotion at work. I'm OK with this, because he was proud of me doing something for me IYSWIM.

Oh, and of course feel free to ask away Vampyre

StormyBrid · 28/03/2015 09:21

I read it as he's almost as proud of her for this comedy thing as he was proud of her for marrying him. Being proud of someone for marrying you seems odd, but it's the almost that doesn't sit well.

VampyreQueen · 28/03/2015 09:39

I work as an activity co-ordinator in a care setting.
Yesterday we had our weekly 'gym' session, which involves a trainer coming in and leading a fitness class that is specially designed for our residents. They really enjoy it and it's good for them.

We usually have the same instructor every week but haven't for the last two sessions. I suspect the trainers are paid on a 'when we have work we call you in' kind of basis, so they often don't stay long term and are prone to changes, if you see what I mean.

Yesterday was a new trainer. He was nice enough - very chatty - but there were some things that he said that I felt were...wrong? I'm finding it hard to articulate but I felt like he was giving out the wrong kind of message to the residents - though nothing dangerous.

Since I brought him in and deal with the company who employs him, I sort of feel like it is my responsibility to 'protect' the residents from things that are potentially harmful but, on the other hand, I don't know if I am over-reacting. Maybe my perception is off?

Sorry for the ramble. Smile

ChopperGordino · 28/03/2015 09:44

I think you should trust your professional judgement that it wasn't quite right for the setting. Are you able to give an example of something you felt was off?

VampyreQueen · 28/03/2015 09:59

I'll try Smile

Usually, the trainer will chat to the residents as they come in (we are rarely 100 per cent ready on time) so things like 'hello, how are you', 'Great weather this morning', 'looking forward to easter?'.

He will then do some basic stretches (reach for the ceiling, pretend to brush your hair and so on). We use some 'gym' equipment like stretch bands and play skittles or a similair game and then finish off with some more stretches. All with cheery music and lots of encouragement.

The first part happened as usual, although a bit less personal as the trainer was new (not his fault obviously). This was fine.

The stretches took about half an hour, instead of fifteen minutes because he was talking so much. We used some of the equipment but never did the games or second round of stretches.

He kept saying that it was important for everyone to try and join in and do as much as they can. I didn't have a problem with that, as it's true and I say myself in various activities. He also, however, spoke a lot about 'keeping the Doctor away' and 'making sure people see you doing things'. I can't remember word for word, unfortunately, but he repeatedly emphasised that they didn't want to be the 'only one not doing anything' and that he was assesing what they could do so 'he could help them do it better' and he wanted to 'stick up for them when other people said they were lazy'

Does that make sense?

BuffyEpistemiwhatsit · 28/03/2015 10:04

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drspouse · 28/03/2015 10:07

Are your residents the kind of people who take things too literally and have limited understanding? Or the kind of people who are only too aware what people say and can be ultra sensitive to any nuance?

Because in either case it might be worth having a "word" in someone's ear (not sure if that should be a trainer or a manager).

If the former, then that type of resident is likely to take "people might say they were lazy" to mean "people definitely think we are lazy".

If they latter they are probably already offended...

(I was actually thinking of asking for some nuanced-speech type related advice here myself but will hold off for a little bit).

VampyreQueen · 28/03/2015 10:13

It could well be. As far as I know, the company only provides this service to similiar settings and he mentioned he had been there for some years. Perhaps he is so used to his usual place he misjudged how to approach somewhere new?

I think what bothered me was that what he was saying was mostly true but didn't need to have been said? So instead of observing them exercise and then adapting where neccesary - so moving the skittles closer, choosing a lighter ball, noticing when concentration dropped - he would just talk about it.

So - 'Lets stretch our arms. Can you do that, Bob? Yes! Good man! See, how Bob is trying? He's not getting them all the way up, true, but he is doing his best. That's what I need to see. I'm assessing you, you see, and I need to see you trying. I need to see what you can do so I can help you do it better. Well done for trying, Bob, I like to see you try....' and so on and so. For each person. Confused

And yes, Buffy they are elderly Smile

VampyreQueen · 28/03/2015 10:16

DrSpouse It's sort of a mixture, really. Some have limited understanding and some will have taken it all in. Some where probably wondering where the tea trolley was Grin

Perhaps requesting a different trainer may be in order.

StormyBrid · 28/03/2015 10:23

That trainer sounds patronising as hell, I'm not surprised you weren't happy about it.

SoMuchForSubtlety · 28/03/2015 10:36

It sounds like the usual gym trainer crap trying to use peer pressure and guilt to get people to exercise. I think it's underhanded to do it to active adults, let alone elderly people who aren't very mobile. It's also a bit off to try to guilt trip people who I imagine spend a fair amount of time being frustrated about things they can no longer physically do.

UptoapointLordCopper · 28/03/2015 14:05

Hmm. Very patronising. But also sounds a bit like nervous babbling stemming from some half-understood training about being encouraging. Hmm

OublietteBravo · 28/03/2015 15:35

Right, they've both gone (and I'm on my own until DH gets back from dropping DD off somewhere near Shrewsbury). However, it still seems a bit early for gin, so I guess I'll wander into town and have coffee in the library where I'll doubtless be the youngest customer by about 30 years

UptoapointLordCopper · 28/03/2015 15:45

It's also my plan to wander into town to get a cup of coffee as well as shop for some birthday presents. I love wandering into town. Enjoy the peace and quiet Oubliette.

UptoapointLordCopper · 28/03/2015 15:46

Shame we are in different towns.

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