Feminist Pub XVIII, in which the Bluestocking greets the first signs of spring with a glass of something soothing

[PuffinsAreFictitious]

Just starting this one as the last is nearly full

Sera I am so please to hear that new job is awesome.

I would give credence to that correlation.

Sera

Vampyre I'm extremely nice and never insult anyone. All reports otherwise are greatly exaggerated.

Does he think people meet people and start out with something like, "Hi, I'm Emma. I've been assaulted."? Or, "Haven't seen you around for ages, how have you been?" "Well, I was raped by my ex, and I couldn't face going out, because I didn't know if there was anyone else I could trust, if someone I loved could do that," Most likely you'll get something like, "So-so, I guess," and a change of subject, or possibly, "Not so good, but things are getting better now."

We're just now socialised to talk about having a bad time. Most of us, when asked, "How are you?" will automatically say, "oh fine, thanks," regardless of whether we are. And to talk about assault or rape - it just doesn't happen easily. Even if you're with someone you really do trust, it doesn't happen easily, if at all. I bet no blokes he knows have ever told him if they've ever been sexually assaulted or assaulted, unless it was in some situation where they could appear heroic in some way, e.g. "I fought off the 3 guys who appeared out of the alley."

I only know two of my friends who have been assaulted. I am willing to bet that more of them have been, because just not telling me doesn't mean it can't have happened.

.

I, on the other hand, know that most of my friends if not all have suffered some sort of sexual assault, going from the "mildest" (if you could call a traumatic event mild) casual groping in the street or at a bar, to full on rape by strangers and in one case who makes my heart weep every time I think of it, a close relative . But EBear is correct in that we've been socialised to not talk about it. It's taken years and very frank and sometimes wine fuelled conversations to hear all these stories.

Yes, I wasn't even counting "casual" groping in the street, even though I know I should have, because it's just so normal, it's beyond mention.

Also, one reason I don't have these sorts of conversations is because a lot of my friends are men, because of working in a male-dominated industry.

It's just an extension of the standard men not believing women in general , and certainly not being interested in their lived experiences.

In "I'm going back to work and panicking" news, a FB friend shared something about paternity leave in other countries and said how nice it would be if they had something like that here.

But they do, say I, there's currently Additional Paternity Leave (DH is doing that when I go back, just a few weeks but it will be v helpful for both of us), then we are getting Shared Parental Leave soon.

Oh, says FB friend. I'd never heard of that here (her DH is originally from somewhere with a more enlightened paternity leave policy, while she is from somewhere with a less enlightened policy).

FB friend's DH is a colleague. A colleague who can see our workplace nursery from his my office (OK, his window faces the wrong way). But who picks up his children maybe once a month? While FBF who WFH picks them up the rest of the time.

Chances of her DH taking extended paternity leave? When she considers it newsworthy that he's been left in sole charge of one child?

I have a number of such stories. It's been very enlightening these last few years getting to know the DWs of several work colleagues much better through our DCs.

drspouse I don't know that many families of my colleagues but it is a bit weird when you do. You have to refrain from saying "ah but that's not what your DH/DW/DP said" type things. It's also a bit funny when you are friends with one partner for a while before meeting the other one.

I live in a fairly small community with a couple of big employers and most professionals work for one of those. It's a relief to meet someone who's a teacher/dentist etc as you know you aren't going to find out later that they are the one who blocked X innovation/annoyed your best work mate etc.

(My DH wisely commutes and I let him meet colleagues who think I'm nice... But he still sees people at church/soft play and then on the station at 6.30 am...)

I was really good friends with my boss' wife once...until he sacked me

i work with the wife of one of dp's bosses. that can be a bit awkward as there are things we can't discuss, but it's not hard to find other things to talk about.

I teach in DD's school. It used to be OK, but now she's in middle school with me and it has been an utter nightmare. This week has been particularly traumatic and DD and I are both going home to do NOTHING this evening. We won't be answering the phone or checking email and they can all just fuck off.

They need a cannon, all of them. And to have the goat set on them.

Grump over.

I am giving this to you all for your delectation and delight. I have posted it everywhere, so I apologise for spamming you. But it was a great moment, where for once I got it right.

www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10153173915799025&pnref=story

Heckler

I like this too.

Heckler - You are my heroine!

I am in total admiration of you, not just for saying it, but for being able to say it at the right moment.

Heckler (I already saw it on FB).

Anyone want to try and calm me down? DS (9) is going on his first trip abroad without me tomorrow. He's going on the school ski trip to Austria. I'm sure he'll have a wonderful time, but tonight I'm feeling strangely nervous and apprehensive. (He's been away from home before, but DD has always been with him).

DD (10) is also going away tomorrow (but staying in the UK). I feel a bit guilty that I'm not as worried about her. She has been away on her own before (without DS), and is going to be with her best friend from school so I know she'll be fine.

Which is crazy right? Because DS will be fine too (after all he knows lots of the kids going on the ski trip).

Oubliette. I think I don't really breath until the DC are back from their playdates locally.

But of course they will be fine!

(Sorry!!!!)

I'm going to spend all week avidly following the ski trip twitter account, aren't I? and I'm not even on bloody twitter yet

Dp's school do FB updates and photos which go down really well (plus some parents write soppy comments underneath which embarrasses all the pupils!)

They will be kept deliberately busy to knacker them out and reduce the risk of homesickness too. Dp takes children on trips who are 11yo, so a bit older but still often their first trip away from family, and some do get miss home a bit but the teachers usually know when they just need a bit of distraction and when they need to make a call home to hear a parent's voice

We'll keep you company.

I remember DS1's first school trip. I took DS2 out and we basically did everything I could think of. It's not sustainable, is it?

Sorry I'm not helping. DS1 is due to go away with school too.

He'll be fine Oubliette.

I'm off on a school trip on Tuesday. I'm ridiculously excited for somebody who is about to spend 4 days with a busload of teenagers, but it's going to be brilliant!