Do you let a guy pay on dates?

[PlayNice]

www.aftmagazine.com/engage/debate-fcking-time-women-started-paying-dates/

I went on a first date a few weeks ago where I was accused of emasculating him by offering to pay. I really like to pay my way when I'm dating someone, and I was wondering how other people manage the split? Am I the only one who feels like who pays for the first date has any importance at all?

Do the married folk out there have a standard practice when it comes to who pays, or does it depend on the evening? I'm especially curious as to the effect becoming a SAHM has on stuff like this.

[YonicScrewdriver]

"More than half surveyed (57.4%) have joint bank accounts; 16.2% had both joint and separate accounts, while 26.4% kept separate accounts. Those percentages remain relatively constant when broken down by gender."

The couples surveyed were 18-64 so I assume there were a fair few SAHPs in there as well.

[YonicScrewdriver]

Sorry, so more than half of them had only a joint account, so does that mean couples where the split was not 50:50 all came from the separate account holders?

[Trills]

Taking turns is much nicer than paying for your own half.

[JapaneseMargaret]

DH and I both work, have a joint account and so all money is pooled money.

Back in our courting days, we'd take turns though having said that, he's Irish, so trying to pay for anything when he's around can be a bit of a battle!

[YonicScrewdriver]

I don't get how they can be taking turns if 57% of them only have a joint account? That's just taking turns to tap in the pin.

[YonicScrewdriver]

[Trills]

When talking about paying bills did the survey make sure to ask "whose money pays for the bills" rather than "who fills in the direct debit form"?

[Primaryteach87]

Before we were married (and not living together) we generally split the bill but we weren't precious about it. Sometimes I would treat him and vice versa.
After marriage we share all money in a joint account with no separation. So who 'pays' is immaterial. This has remained the same regardless of financial changes e.g he has been a student, I have, I've earnt more, he has, now I'm SAHM). The principle is all money earnt is ours.

[Dragonlette]

When I was dating dp he offered to pay on our first date, so I let him buy the cinema tickets, then I bought the popcorn/drinks. Drinks in the pub were usually taking turns.

Now it's normally me who pays when we go out anywhere, not sure how that came about but probably because I earn more and we don't share finances so my account is more likely to have something in it.

[wolflight]

DH almost always gets the bill. Our money is in separate accounts but most of it comes from his salary and we view all of it as ours. He always picked up the bill when we were dating too, regardless of who suggested it. I would tend to book tickets in advance for things though. It's not something we've ever kept tabs on really.

[PlayNice]

I'd love to see stats for the UK. I've had a google, but it's difficult to find the specific words to bring up the right studies.

[Canyouforgiveher]

I'll tell you what. if I offered or tried to pay and a man accused me of "emasculating" him, I'd run for the hills. and I suggest you do the same OP.

[sunflower49]

DP likes to pay when we go out. I've taken him out for birthdays and other occasions but generally if we go somewhere to eat or to drink, he pays. He won't mind if I get myself an extra drink if he's elsewhere talking to friends at a 'do, for example but as a rule, he likes to 'take me out'.

I was brought up like this, too-my Dad pays as 'head of the household'. (Obviously) I don't think like this now, but some men , even young ish men, really seem to not like women offering to pay.

I wouldn't like it if a man used it as a form of control but as I do earn my own £ and DP and I have a good relationship, It's fine.

However I pay for a lot of household/lifestyle stuff, I drive he doesn't and I sort out the car, and I pay for other things. We dont go out all that much, but anything 'date night' ish like a bottle of wine or treat food, he pays for. He likes it-I do buy him stuff too, though.

Meh. I sometimes think It's not so much a feminist issue as a 'What works for me/you/us' thing.

[AdoraBell]

I've been with DH for 20 years, but I used to offer to pay and other than one occasion when a BF was caught out by a surprise price hike and I paid because he couldn't I've not had anyone accept.

My DDs are now 13 and go out Occasionaly with The BF, and parents, and even though I give them money and tell them to pay half neither the BF nor the parents have allowed them to. The most DD1 has been able to pay for is her own popcorn at the cinema. Yet when I chaperone the boy's parents always want to give me money to cover the date.

We are in Latin America and a little behind the trend

[YonicScrewdriver]

Play Nice, this is a survey for marketing purposes ie the consumer website commissioned it to get some press attention. It's likely no such thing exists for the UK.

[zippey]

I'm not a big fan on who suggests the date should pay. So if a person wants a group meal with 10 other friends, should they foot the bill? No, I think whoever eats, or enjoys the benefits should pay, and it should be 50:50, or you pay for tickets, I'll pay the food.

I think this is maybe targeted towards couples in the early stages of romance though. Men paying is all about power play, and it implies there is an expectation at the end of the date for something in return, which is why it bothers me. I think it's sexist and mysoginist at the same time.