Is male violence against women ever acceptable?

[LoafersOrLouboutins]

I'm not sure how to articulate this and my 'evidence' is purely anecdotal. Just dipping my toes in the feminism board.

I used to be a keen polo player 16 years ago and regularly played with my boyfriend. On the morning of one match we had a fairly serious argument. He seriously injured me (broken nose, fractured cheekbone and two chipped teeth) during the game. I accepted this as polo is a VERY dangerous sport and people seemed to accept it without asking any questions as to why he was SO determined during that particular game. Most people aren't so competitive they would risk this.

With hindsight, I wonder whether violence against women in sport is a way men conduct their violent fantasies?

People would be horrified if I said my boyfriend did this to me during an argument but in the course of sport it was accepted.

This was many years ago and I probably don't make any sense but it has started to play on my mind that he may have used sport as a cover for his desire to hurt me.

That twinkle-toed footballer? That was me. Gave up mid 30's when I was fed up of being kicked around. Not like netball then.

You haven't paraphrased what I have said correctly I said, and I quote If you don't like it, you know what to do - don't post here. Please explain to me how that is the same as what you have posted, and again I quote Telling people they can't post here. Now that the sentences are side by side, can you see that they are different?

I understand it's difficult to read clearly when you are angry. When I'm angry I misread or I'll write 4 posts in a row or something.

You are clearly projecting how you feel when you read something that disagrees with you, onto to how I would feel. From having seen more of your posts, I am quite a bit older (and therefore, at least chronologically, more mature) than you, and if I am feeling anything, it doesn't affect my reading or writing ability. Try not to project who you are, and how you feel onto others, hmm?

Ugh, netball. Just ugh. I hate d being made to play sports I was crap at.

Even when I got banned from playing hockey, I didn't swap to netball. I took extra Chemistry instead

Zazzles. Don't worry about it. I was joking about being angry. I was taking the mick out of you posting four posts in a row.
I think you misunderstood, I wasn't calling myself a feminist. I had referred to you as one. I said I hadn't referred to your gender, but if you are someone that considers only women can be feminists (not saying you are) then I was conceding I have referred to your gender indirectly by calling you a feminist.
I think rhetorical questions and actual questions are harder to distinguish between, than MRAs and feminist new posters. So if the rhetorical question looks like a question then I shall attack it in the same way.
Regarding the feedback, I have taken it on board. Probably in the same way you have taken mine and Twofalls feedback on board.
I never said personality disorders were the same as depression, anxiety, etc.

You didn't explain the following, I know it might be awkward to explain, so ignore it if it is:

"I have seen your personality type in many many circumstances, and it never ends well".

This is what I was referring to when I wrote murder/suicide?.

I know that the rudeness has been explained but no apology. It's not that difficult to do. You couldn't even bring yourself to comment on my illness or loss. Some peeps are pretty cold these days

Nope not cold, as I said, it is not up to me to educate you. And you have clearly researched my other posts yet have only decided to talk negatively about one of them - again why is that? There are plenty of posts here in which I am being supportive of other women, other feminists, yet you are only taking my posts here as indicative of who I am as an MN poster - again, why is that? Do you usually take as what you perceive to be a woman's flaws to beat them over the head with? Do you realise that this is a tactic of many, many, many men throughout history?

As as I have said, just because you see my posts as rude, I do not, so why should I apologise? I apologise to people when I think I've done something wrong to people who I actually respect, and not when someone else, particularly a man I don't know, and don't respect thinks that I have done something wrong and insists that I apologise. And don't say "I didn't insist" - you have wanted me to apologise over a number of posts. Why is it that men think women should apologise, when the man thinks the woman has done something wrong, but the woman does not think that herself? Do you not believe that women should have their own thoughts and feelings, and be able to act on them as they see fit? Because if you do not, you are indistinguishable from the many (male and female) sexist, misogynist, MRAs out there.

"I have seen your personality type in many many circumstances, and it never ends well".

This is what I was referring to when I wrote murder/suicide?.

again you are flogging a dead horse. Shall I just cut and paste from my last post? It will be so much easier. In my last post I said:

And lastly if you have done some psychology, then perhaps do some (or a lot) of research into personality disorders...

It is you that is referring to murder/suicide in relation to personality disorders. I never said that, yet you seem unable to let that go, even when another poster has asked you to on the whole. Why is that? This is why I think you might have a personality disorder, and yes I have seen counselors, and no I don't have a personality disorder. I am however, very good at diagnosing personality disorders in others in real life. Have you been diagnosed with a personality disorder? Is that where your interest stems from? For the record, people with personality disorders find interacting with others problematic - they generally have personal and professional relationships with people that are fraught with issues, they are often the bullies in life, their marriages often end in divorce, etc, etc. This is such a long, long way away from murder/suicide that it makes your insistence that I answer this question comical.

And btw, were you trying to flirt with me in one of your posts? If so, don't, that is weird, creepy and makes my skin crawl. Try not to do that again.

I think rhetorical questions and actual questions are harder to distinguish between, than MRAs and feminist new posters.I think rhetorical questions and actual questions are harder to distinguish between, than MRAs and feminist new posters.

You can only say that she was a feminist after she posted that on her third post or so, not on her first post, so that invalidates your argument.

One thing I was curious about Buffy, or Yonic - if netball is such a non-contact sport, how come you can get so damaged from it?

Hmmm, I never got damaged in netball . I guess like all sports if people are running around focussing on the ball more than each other, on hard Tarmac - things happen!

I seee! It was Buffy who reported injuries.

You can see why I lost my job as GB Netball Squad Technical Director...

Because you knew Jill all about netball?

It shows doesn't it.

Eeek!!

Graphic, thanks! I think I got off lightly, only being kicked around on turf.

Zazzles,
She did say she was a feminist because she had been attacked and felt she had to explain herself. Anyway, I'm supposing if you give a new poster time to breath then making a distinction between MRA and feminist becomes easier the more someone posts. Case in point, twofalls. The alternative is to fly off the handle at everyone, insult them and if the new poster doesn't like it then they can F off.
I wasn't flirting with you, don't worry. It was joke, trying to lighten the mood after trying to explain and recalling about my deceased partner (but if you do have any single mates).
I can clear up the quotes thing mine weren't your quotes that you have in bold. They were a flavour of what you said. I lose my message on my phone if I skip back a page. However, the one you said to twofalls "doesn't end well for your type" is a direct quote.
This quote to me makes me think about death. So I was wondering if you were talking about murder, suicide, tragic accident. I'm going to repeat this : I'm taking this as a stand alone statement, Nothing to do with PD.
PD was a seperate issue. An unqualified person suggesting people PD, it's not right to do, IMHO. Particularly by communicating purely on an anonymous forum. But again that might be purely my opinion and maybe on contrary to what psych profession recommend.
I think you are confusing manners with me wanting to be educated by you. I don't need to respect someone to be polite. I know this is where we differ. I don't need to respect someone to apologise. I know this is where we differ.
I would leave out the rhetorical questions in a live feed. They are pretty odd when so many are together. They are leading questions aswell. They tend to say more about their author than anything else.

I apologise if you didn't think what I perceived to be unacceptable as unacceptable. Also, for having a differing approach about how new users should be handled and how much time they should be given. I'm happy to agree to disagree. (You don't work in profiling do you?)

PS the 'cold' comment was that you couldn't even muster a supportive word when I mentioned I was a fellow survivor (fingers crossed I don't jinx myself).
Anyway, good luck to you!

I'm not going to engage with you any longer. I do think that your dyslexia is problematic, as I feel like I am having to repeat myself to you again and again, and again. I feel like I have been like banging my head against a brick wall, while it takes you quite some time to get the gist of what I am saying - it appears I need to say it 3-4 times for you to get the message . As a health professional, I have every sympathy, empathy and compassion for the trouble that dyslexia may cause you - may I suggest that you see someone about that. Some forms of dyslexia are actually treatable and two of my friends have been successfully treated.

I am also uncomfortable with what I perceive as you possibly trying to flirt with me in one particular post. It has really weirded me out, and gives me the creeps. This will be my last post to you.

I do martial arts (Tae Kwondo) with my son, and we regularly bruise each other. I am a woman and he is a child (although at 15 taller than me, he's a lot slighter). It is an aggressive contact sport but tightly refereed and the aim is to hit the armour (all my bruises come from defense blocks) not to hurt your opponent. This is not amazingly easy to learn though as it's all about accuracy often at some speed. As with many martial arts there is quite a strong self defense pacifist ethos, but fundamentally it's still about beating your opponent. I really like the fact that my group is mixed sex, although competitions are segregated.

Re prosecutions within sports, Canadian ice hockey is an interesting sport, where fights are not just allowed but celebrated (there are sin bins, but the fights are always broadcast and everyone very much enjoys them). There have been a few successful prosecutions for assault during matches where it was felt that things went too far, but people are a bit ambivalent as to whether that's a good or bad thing.

That's good. I think there must be some crossed wires somewhere. I feel like the same about having to explain the same things.
I can guarantee I wasn't flirting with lol. Sorry if you perceived it that way and a vague joke made you feel weird.
Can two people perceive a situation differently? (Rhetorical). Moral of our interaction. I believe I'm right, you believe you are right.
Anyway, thanks for the debate. Time for some physio on my typing thumb.

How about just asking "is violence ever acceptable"?

Unless it's justified for self-defence (and even then only reasonable force should be used and be stopped when the attacker no longer poses a threat) violence is never acceptable regardless of the genders of those involved.