Female body hair / husband- help?

[wishfulthinking1]

Since the birth of my son I've considered feminist issues much more deeply- particularly inspired by 'hair:not the musical', I've begun considering hair removal as a choice- and have chosen not to at the the moment.

My lovely husband (and he really is lovely) is struggling with this- says he doesn't find it attractive / is embarrassed when we go swimming etc- he doesn't mean to be ignorant, but he's really struggling with it.

I'm trying to find something for him to read that could help him get his head around it. Most internet searches come up with articles along the lines of 'eww, gross, if your partner loved you, she'd shave blah blah'.

Does anyone have any advice?
Thanks

*thus

And actually it's like being a catholic and saying I agree with gay marriage - you still have the beliefs you just disagree on one point.

Sorry I just meant that people tend to see other people with clothes or hairstyles that they like and copy them or be influenced by them. I know I do. I hardly ever shave my legs but only cos I don't wear skirts much, but I shave my armpits, and if I'm going swimming I do my bikini line. I would probably have the sides waxed regularly if I wasn't so lazy, I think it would look nice, but I wonder WHY I think that?

boom

What do you believe feminism is blueberry?

I saw an old Insignia ad from the 80s a couple of weeks ago and caught myself feeling surprised by the luxuriant black hair sprouting from the man's armpits - I couldn't quite work out why and I'm sure I wouldn't have felt surprised by it at the time. Do men in deodorant ads now shave too?

Off topic, but I've never understood why armpit hair is so particularly taboo on women (and now potentially anyone). I rarely shave anywhere but I would feel embarrassment at exposing my hairy armpits.

It's mainly dh who takes the dcs swimming and this is partially down to the extra effort I feel I have to make to be pool-ready, which is sad. I don't want to add regular shaving to my routine - it doesn't feel better to me so there's no point in the extra time and money it takes - but I don't feel able to expose hairy skin publicly.

I should probably just go for it - I doubt anyone would really notice.

Not that it's at all relevant for you to ask me what I believe feminism to be, but in my view feminism is all about the way the world is for women because they are women and the way the world is for men because they are men. It's about women's rights and equality, being offered the same opportunities regardless of gender and not facing any discrimination based on gender.

Yeah no worries TheCowThatLaughs I do see what you mean about brighter hair colours being more fashionable now, probably because of the likes of Rihanna and Katy Perry. It's a bit of a sore subject for me as I've faced ridicule for most of my life for having different coloured hair yet now because a celebrity does it it's deemed as ok..

I suppose it would be similar if sudden Rihanna and Beyoncé stopped shaving - it would probably be seen as fashionably to not shave but that's more to do with pop culture than anything else (same as men having longer hair after David Beckham grew his a bit - my other half has longer hair for ages before that and was ridiculed for it, but as soon as a celebrity did it) but that's a whoooole other thread...

I get the whole thing about doing it to make sure your kids grow up knowing whats normal.
I stopped shaving my fanny because of that reason. DP prefers me shaved all over if its his first choice, but doesnt bat an eyelid if im hairy either and fully agrees that women shouldnt have to shave if they dont want to just because of societal pressure. If I was you though, and my partner actually had a STRONG preference, id probably concede and shave at least for going swimming, because being attractive to my chosen life partner is fairly important to me.

Excuse my terrible spelling and grammar, I'm on my phone and I keep pressing the wrong keys.

When you say that celebrity culture influences decisions such as hair colour/shaving then you are agreeing with everything you've been arguing against for the whole thread

I can understand your husband to be honest. I can't stand hairy bits on men or women! If my dp leaves his unkempt I find it a total turn off.
I can't help it just don't find him attractive like that.

He 'tidies' for me, I'm sure he would be happy to leave it hairy but he try's to please me more.

Which do you value more your feminist issues or your relationship?

I can see how that would piss you off Blueberry! Do you think that may have something to do with how strongly you feel that you are not at all influenced by fashion or societal norms re body hair, ie that you have spent a long time looking non-mainstream, and you feel that it's being implied that you are in actual fact conforming to the mainstream by shaving (not saying that you are at all though)

No I haven't. If you read my posts you will see I've been arguing that pop culture doesn't influence in a way that is just against women. My post said that males are influenced by celebrities too, and it's not just women. That male celebrities and other such influences have an affect on the way males groom too. Nowhere have I said pop culture doesn't influence people's decisions. Of course it does.

Not really, TheCowThatLaughs - maybe a little bit but I don't mind whether I "conform" or not tbh, I just do what makes me happy I'm not one to do things because they are seen as against the norm, likewise I'm not one for doing things because they are the norm. I just kinda get on with it

Oh. So we were arguing about nothing then. Of course culture influences both men and women.

Caindana I think the point of the thread has been lost slightly. I agree with you that pop culture influences most people, I agree that SOME women will shave because they think they have to to be viewed as womanly. What I was arguing is that it's not ALWAYS the case, that some people do simply just like the feeling of being smooth. In my earlier post I actually said to OP that she should do what makes her happy - if that means shaving then shave and likewise if that means not shaving then don't! So I really don't understand where the hostility has come from..

Ok. Thanks for the discussion.

The smooth feeling is pretty short lived though, you could achieve the same by exfoliating then putting on trousers.

"The only reason for the trouble and expense is social expectation and the need to conform"

Have you actually been reading the thread? That's the entire point I've just been arguing against, and if you read the thread you would see I do not shave to conform or because it's what's seen as socially acceptable, I enjoy the feeling of having smooth legs, underarms and pubic area. How can you tell me that's not the reason I shave? Can you see inside my mind?

But why only those areas in particular Blueberry? Why the same areas that are usually shaved/waxed by other women in our society? Why not your whole body shaved or your head?

Being influenced by society and culture is only a big deal when its something that hurts us surely. Shaving and having nice hairstyles wearing clothes that arent just combats and Tshirts is conforming, but it is no great effort or hardship

I have very minimal, thin hair on my arms which is barely noticeable so exfoliating is enough to get my arms smooth. I actually get asked a lot if I shave my arms because there's no hair visible (I don't). I enjoy dying my hair and wearing it in various styles so wouldn't see the point in shaving it off.