Female body hair / husband- help?

[wishfulthinking1]

Since the birth of my son I've considered feminist issues much more deeply- particularly inspired by 'hair:not the musical', I've begun considering hair removal as a choice- and have chosen not to at the the moment.

My lovely husband (and he really is lovely) is struggling with this- says he doesn't find it attractive / is embarrassed when we go swimming etc- he doesn't mean to be ignorant, but he's really struggling with it.

I'm trying to find something for him to read that could help him get his head around it. Most internet searches come up with articles along the lines of 'eww, gross, if your partner loved you, she'd shave blah blah'.

Does anyone have any advice?
Thanks

i find it odd that when some women are saying that they depilate and feel that it is because of socialisation and external influences relating to society's ideas of "femininity" and ideals of women's appearances, and they would like to explore that at a society level, they are told by other women that they can't talk about that because it's personally offensive to women who feel they have made the choice to depilate freely and without external influence

"It's not a feminist choice, but as least I know that."

I think that is the point. It's all about informed choices.

It seems a bit naive to think that we are completely uninfluenced by our family, our friends, TV, film, advertising, our upbringing, religion (if any, our ethnicity, our economic status.

That we are islands. (John Donne said 'No man is an island.' Though in this case 'Woman' might be more appropriate.

Yes, we do have individual personalities and tastes - which may be a result of out genes as much as our environment. But I'd say that right from the moment of birth other people influence us - and that most of us do long for acceptance and approval. If we cannot get approval from mainstream society, we find subgroups who will support us and affirm us.

Fakebook - practically all decisions a person makes are influenced by society. Women don't suddenly wake up one day and say "ooh I'd like smooth legs" - they see their mums shaving, they see ads for razors on tv, they notice that women on the beach have hairless legs. Human behaviour isn't random, if it were there's be chaos. We all follow what society expects.

Blueberry and fakebook, no one give a tiny fuck if you shave. Everyone is trying to explain that you have been influenced by current culture (which in the west) is porn dominated.

When you turned 11 or 12 or whenever it is girls start to shave, you decided to shave your legs. Because that is what women do. Not because you suddenly thought oooh wouldn't my legs feel smooth!

Your male siblings didn't suddenly worry about their leg hair, did they?

There are hundreds of threads on MN about little girls saying they are being teased should they be allowed to shave. That is societal pressure from the start. Maybe they then decide they like the feeling but the point is they would never have even considered it if they hasn't done it in the first place.

Your swim suits will be shaped so that pubic hair pops out, so you will shave that to avoid people seeing pubes hanging out your costume. Your male friend's have a more generously cut suit so it doesn't matter.

Your head would be smoother than a cue-ball if you shaved it. Why haven't you shaved your massively hairy head?

FuckOffFerret I don't give a tiny fck if you DON'T shave, it doesn't stop people starting threads about it though. So you're allowed to harp on about your reasons for not shaving, but don't anyone dare say they do shave. It seems lots of people on this thread think that the world is against them for choosing not to shave, when in reality no one gives a flying fuck!

they do give a flying fuck - the OP is trying to find something that she can show to her DH that will show him how other men have supported their wives in not removing hair. but she can't find anything because so far all her searches have resulted in "articles along the lines of 'eww, gross, if your partner loved you, she'd shave blah blah'."

And actually FuckOffFerret my male sibling shaves and grooms more than I do so quit making sweeping statements generalising all males. You don't want men grouping women in one box but you seem to find it perfectly acceptable to turn the tables.

"It's hard to go against social norms"

What I am saying is many women would find it easy to go against the social norm (granted, not all women would obviously) half my hair is currently blue and I'm sat at a playgroup ignoring the mutters from other mothers (my child is happily playing in the ball pool before someone says why are you sat on your phone) so I reject your statement that implies the reason women don't shave is because it is difficult to go against the social norm. Yes, that may well be the case for some women but it isn't the case for all who choose to shave.

The fact you just followed up your post with "BOOM" speaks volumes.

By saying "what the feminists are criticising" implies that I'm not a feminist because I hold a different viewpoint to the majority on this thread.

It IS fairly normal now to have blue hair now isn't it? The fact you can buy blue/purple/pink dye in boots proves this. So you've obviously been influenced by other people in society, unless you were the first person to dye her hair blue?

I think blue rinses have been around quite a while...

You don't come across to me as a feminist blueberry. You don't agree with basic feminist theory. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. It is a bit strange though to come on a feminist thread and claim tl be a feminist while rejecting a feminist viewpoint. To me it's like saying "I'm Catholic but don't believe in Jesus."

Because many times on this site my feminist status has been challenged because I wear make up, shave my legs and quite enjoy doing most of the housework etc. On more than occasion I have been compared to a 1950s housewife which couldn't be further from the truth, and quite frankly an insult. I hold many opinions which I would consider to be feminist, I happen to disagree on certain points and to some on this site that means 2 things 1) I'm not a feminist and 2) my opinion is invalid.

I have been made to feel on this thread that my opinion is invalid, merely because I disagree on a few points. If you were to read my threads carefully you would see that minor disagreeing that the points you made are a contributing factor to some women shaving, I merely made the point that it's not always the case.

Fwiw MrsBuffy I don't think I particularly suit the blue, I had a bit of a spur of the moment thing going on

TheCowThatLaughs I've had on and off random coloured hair since I was a teenager, something that has been highly frowned upon by many so no, I wouldn't say it's always been "the norm". Literally banging my head against brick wall here, you will find fault with anything and turn everything into a bigger issue than it needs to be.

cailindana I see where you're coming from about there being no feminist choices, but wouldn't you agree that the OP's choosing not to shave, for reasons around the norms she wants to depict for her son and future daughters and a wider pondering of feminist issues, is a more feminist choice than my choice to carry on depilating because it's what I've always done, I like the way it feels and I can't be fucked dealing with whatever fallout there might be if I stopped?

And this my point has been proven. Because I disagree with ONE thing, I'm "not a feminist". I'm don't with this thread and it's quite frankly insulting posters.