Female body hair / husband- help?

[wishfulthinking1]

Since the birth of my son I've considered feminist issues much more deeply- particularly inspired by 'hair:not the musical', I've begun considering hair removal as a choice- and have chosen not to at the the moment.

My lovely husband (and he really is lovely) is struggling with this- says he doesn't find it attractive / is embarrassed when we go swimming etc- he doesn't mean to be ignorant, but he's really struggling with it.

I'm trying to find something for him to read that could help him get his head around it. Most internet searches come up with articles along the lines of 'eww, gross, if your partner loved you, she'd shave blah blah'.

Does anyone have any advice?
Thanks

well it's impressive that anyone has the energy to argue that there is anything natural about one sex being held to ridiculously high standards of grooming while the other, the one that is ordinarily the ornamental sex in most other parts of the animal kingdom, just has to have a wash

If women were removing their pubic hair solely because they like it that way there wouldn't be all these angsty threads about 'do I need to shave before childbirth?' 'Do I need to wax before a smear?' etc.

I wonder what the proportion is of men who would like to remove their body hair but feel societal pressure not to as it's 'not masculine'?

I wonder if some men would like to shave but think it wouldn't be thought of as "manly" enough...

X post

men increasingly do wax or shave their pubes, I think they think it will make their cocks look bigger? I was a bit startled the first time I saw a set of tackle in that state

I expect men to have a trim at least, in a sort of newly dating scenario, don't know about husbands but it doesn't seem right to expect your partner to do more hair removal than you unless they are much much hairier than you and you are allergic to it?

Let me get this straight.. You're complaining it's sexist to expect women to shave their pubic hair, yet you claim the reason men shave theirs is to make their cocks look bigger..? So it's ok to be sexist against men, just not against women?!

Thanks for your replies.
I'm sorry if I'm coming across as hopeless
I'm not deliberately being hairy to 'make a point'- I just really don't want my son to think that women have to do something that men don't have to.

These queries are relatively new to me so I'm trying to make sense of them to myself. Perhaps it'll just take time to accept this 'new me'.

There are loads of women who can't be arsed to do more have a wash in terms of grooming.

You decide as a woman what you want to do with your body. I don't believe for a second that women are sheep who follow societal rules blindly.

Some women are very focused on their external selves and others more so on their internal selves. If you are making choices in your life that make you comfortable and happy than it is of nobody else's concern as long as you do no harm to others.

Most women expect their male partners to remove facial hair on a daily basis.

Milmingebag couldn't agree more

I don't think I offered much of an opinion either way blueberry, lots more women than men currently feel the need to remove their body hair for reasons we can confidently attribute to societal pressures. Those same or similar forces are beginning to exert themselves on men, just an observation.

I don't care much either way and pretty much conform but am under no illusions as to why.

I perhaps confused your response with someone else's, apologies.

Men do routinely remove facial hair, and it can be quite uncomfortable for them if they have sensitive skin, etc.

I don't think that dealing just with body hair is going to do it, I think you both need to spend a lot more time talking about how society's expectations shape what we find attractive, and whether or not that is something that is desirable, and that we would willingly submit to if it were done consciously.

It can be hair or anything else. Feet size/footbinding springs to mind as a very obvious example, as does the lengthening of the neck using rings. Where do you draw the line?

These are the examples that dh usually churns out when dc ask about my body hair removal (I do do it, I have tried not and frankly just found it itchy), to show them that our ideas of beauty are very conditioned by our society and that they frequently and easily slip into forms of restricting women's ability to function normally or at least consuming vast amounts of their time which could be spent on more productive stuff.

s'ok

I don't think 'doubling the problem' by holding men to similar standards of personal grooming is necessarily a great move in terms of equality but it's interesting nonetheless.

So you show your son that it is perfectly normal for a woman to have body hair....

It doesn't actually amount to much in terms of gender equality does it?

ive always been a bit lazy about shaving (and to be honest, not very hairy) and met DP in winter when I would be very irregular about it. So the first time he saw my bare legs in daylight, he remarked he was glad I didnt shave. So, for years, I tried to be hairy for him.

But in the end, that didnt seem very feminist. So I went back to shaving when I felt like it. If I do happen to reach a very hairy stage, I make sure he knows !

Do what YOU want, including doing what he likes now and again if it suits you.

If men decide not to remove their facial hair, does society deem that disgusting in some way?

Agree with the other poster who said that your DH is allowed to find this unattractive as he can't help this. Obviously he loves you just the same. None of my boyfriends have batted an eyelid if I left myself unshaven - despite the fact that society in general promotes the hair-free beauty ideal for women.

Personally, I don't find body hair on men attractive at all even though most people consider it acceptable and even desirable. My first boyfriend actually shaved his arms and legs and he was lovely (however, that's a whole other thread......!)

Op's son is pretty unlikely to find neck lengthening cropping up in his day to day life..

A lot of people do find male facial hair 'disgusting' and talk about it being unkempt/scruffy etc.

mybuffycockhead

I made a little arse hair nest for ds just now, but dh wasn't very impressed.

Op's son is pretty unlikely to find neck lengthening cropping up in his day to day life

No, that's the point, isn't it?