Feminist pub no 12: The Bluestocking Returns, this time with goats!

[YonicScrewdriver]

Welcome!

Yay for Jack! Good luck with the principal as well, hope you get a good result with them.

Bling - I'm pleased to report the principal is a woman, she has only be in post two weeks, although isn't new to the school as she was the assistant principal for several years prior to her promotion. I certainly feel more optimistic about going to see her, then I would be if the other leading candidate had got the job, as he is a very "old school" type teacher. I may be wrong, but if it had been him, I could imagine him on Wednesday telling me the teacher speak equivalent of "it's just a bit of banter."

Lord Copper - it would be nice to be able to say those things.

Last night was the school Homecoming Dance* and it transpires that the girl who was due to go with T, heard about what he said in the class and told him she no longer wanted to go with him. I couldn't help but smile.

(* No I don't really understand what a Homecoming Dance is either, but it was Jack's first proper high school dance, so I cried a lot a bit seeing him in his tux).

Thanks for the kind words about J, I am very proud of it, although he still has to clean his room later!

Tess it sounds like your son could be teaching that class, doesn't need to be a student in it. Well done.

I am feeling so sad today. Just so low energy and inadequate. I wish I had it in me to sweep up the dcs and stride off for a walk or something but I just can't face anything and feel so shit about it.

Your son sounds amazing Tess and that teacher handled the situation awfully. How lovely to see that the girl T was planning to go with ditched him for his misogynistic views.

Yay for T getting dumped.

vezzie Sorry to hear you are feeling low.

Vezzie - sorry to hear you're having a low day, it happens to all of us, and I've always been of the view it's the body's way of saying 'look you need a rest'.

thank you for the flowers. appreciated.
p made dinner for the dcs and himself and not me. I went out and bought myself a curry. I just wanted to sit at a table and eat something not cooked by me. It didn't feel as nice as I had hoped.

That sounds shit vezzie. Why did he not make dinner for you? I hope you feel happier soon.

Tess your ds does sound amazing.

Hang in there, vezzie.

erm because I flounced off earlier.
We are both knackered, he has awarded himself a lie in both days of this weekend, I didn't realise how annoyed I was about this and was just getting on with stuff when I asked him a question and he said he was "sick of people nagging him for the last 3 hours". dd2 in particular is a bit tricky and demanding right now but I didn't feel like being lumped in with the people "nagging" when I am the person who gets out of bed to look after our children. I asked for an apology, didn't get it, flounced off to do some admin shit I have been trying to do for weeks rather than carrying on with the jolly happy families project and being accused of "nagging". couple of hours later he made a dinner, pointedly for 3 people. He won't speak to me now for days.
I think I am coming down with something. I hate being ill and I hate the way he is with me when I am ill, which especially now when I am on his Bad list, will be utterly dismissive and he will ignore me completely. so just as well I treated myself to a curry as if I end up sick in bed that will be the last thing I eat till I am fit to cook again, except things I pull out of the fruit bowl in my pyjamas

WTF vezzie? Is this man-child for real?

Regardless of a disagreement, he cooked for three people when you were in the house and will now give you days of silent treatment? So sorry Vezzie. Sounds horrid. . I hope you feel better soon.

No wonder you feel down, vezzie.

That is shit Vezzie

Really shit.

I hope you're not coming down with anything btw.

He sounds awful Vezzie. I hope you're not coming down with anything, and I hope your p stops being a twat.

I have talked about the food thing before on here (under a different name maybe) and mn-ers thought he was in general very hurtful about food. but he just doesn't invest meals with significance. he will absent mindedly eat huge plates of cooked food at 4pm on a special day when I was looking forward to going out to eat and then not understand why I am disappointed that he doesn't want dinner. when SAHD-ing he never, never, ever, made / kept aside anything for my dinner when I got back from work. he looks blankly at me when I try to talk about what we might have for dinner and says "oh anything" and then eats one of for lunch something that I got as one each for dinner. He cooks things, asks if you want some, as an afterthought and looks a bit annoyed if you say yes and he thought you would say no. If you try to batch cook he will take things that were for dinner and eat them for lunch and look mystified as to why this has now created a difficulty. It drives me nuts. He doesn't do it deliberately. when I am ill - which is so fucking often these days it is really annoying me - he never asks if I want anything to eat or drink. He is obsessed that you mustn't drink water from the upstairs taps and gets annoyed if he catches me doing it but never offers to go downstairs and get some for me from the kitchen.

Sorry to whine on. I am just so tired at the moment and the asthma and whatever this feverish thing is aren't helping.

In some ways he is very nice at times. i always knew he was sort of unsupportive in many ways and I didn't realise how much it would matter, long term, with children. I know I am an idiot. I just thought I was stronger than I was, that I didn't need that kind of love or support. Now I wish I had talked to someone about all this before moving in or having children. I suppose I mean I wish I had had mn!

I can see why people have mid-life crises, I was googling earlier the typical experiences of people who take up skiing when they are over 40. I just want to enjoy something.

So sorry to hear of your troubles, vezzie. Wishing you better days ahead.

The thing is Vezzie, you can be someone who doesn't value food, but at a logical level you can still take on board information like "If there are two chicken kievs in the fridge don't bloody eat one for lunch", can't you?

I think I can remember you talking about your relationship. Sorry things are so hard. Your kids are quite little too aren't they? I hope you feel better soon and find something positive to enjoy. Wish I knew you IRL as I'd come round and feed you tea and make DS grin at you (he's 5 months, his grin is quite cheering).

Thank you! sorry to moan.
Penguins I am sure your ds is absolutely lovely, I can imagine his grin and it is very cheering.
my dcs are 5 and 4 and delightful (as every mother thinks of course). The 3 year old can be quite challenging (in a completely normal way) and one of the things that drives me nuts about dp at the moment is how he acts so personally affronted by it. he doesn't seem to have read (or absorbed) any of the developmental stuff that is sort of common knowledge on mn or among many mothers and I can't tell him anything without starting a fight so I think she could be better handled in some ways - but there is nothing I can do about it except do my best

Pubs are for moaning. Tis the law! (And you sound very justified).

I thought yours were similar ages to my older ones. I have a 5 and a 3 year old. My DH does have similar issues with their behaviour. He sometimes gets cross with them as if he was judging the behaviour in me, or something (You know, you can imagine how you'd react to your partner if they sat on the floor and refused to put their shoes on, making you late for work). He's generally very lovely though.

I wish we could help

vezzie i wish i could come and look after you

www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-29567565 here is a very good reason for challenging gender stereotypes

"More men face lonely old age, says study

...Older men often also had less contact with family and friends than women of a similar age, meaning they are often more socially isolated once their spouse dies, says the study. "The house was always full of kids," 73-year-old John, whose wife died five years ago, told researchers. "Women keep the family together and people rally around them. When women die, people drift away from the man left behind.""

vezzie I wish we could help. FWIW I don't think you are being not-strong. These things grind you down. I think I'm pretty strong myself, and I have a supportive partner, but there are still days when you just have to shut yourself in the bathroom and have a good cry.

I like eating on my own. >