Bit late to the party...
I've lurked on this board, on and off, for a while.
I've been a feminist all my life. I once espoused, what I now know are, feminist ideas in my early teens and my mother and her friend laughed at me for being so "cynical".
I was encouraged away from following my dream career because a) it wouldn't fit in with raising a family; b) it wouldn't be necessary once I got married to have a career and c) I needed to understand that my husband (I was mid teens at the time) wouldn't let me do it (fact). I wanted to be an orchestral musician. And could have been, too. My mother wanted to teach me to cook so that I could look after my husband. I rejected this notion and didn't learn to cook until after I left home. I needed to keep slim to attract/keep a husband. I needed to be pretty for the same reasons. "No man is ever going to want you if... you raise your voice/bite your nails/argue (disagree) with him/dress like that ... I was also told that I would have to have sex with a man even if I didn't want to because "all women do". And that applied both to having sex with a man you didn't want to at all as well as just having sex with a man you sometimes did, but didn't on that occasion. This was in the interests of "not making a fuss" and keeping the peace.
I really started to believe that some of the things I thought were wrong. I tried to change them. Or just ignore my instincts.
I was told I'd "made my point now" and "you're not still doing that are you?" when I was still BF by 12 months; was offered no support after an attempted rape and was told it was my own fault for going out to the pub and leaving alone ("If you get raped it's your own fault" was what I was told); was told I was "lucky" my exH was willing to take me on with a young child when my son's father abandoned us when he behaved abusively towards me; forced into homelessness and lived in a 'mother and baby home' with other "girls who had got themselves pregnant" for bringing shame on my mother after being abandoned by said son's father...
My exh was emotionally abusive. But it was all done under the guise of 'caring' for me. I wasn't "allowed" to do things. I was discouraged from doing things. I was shamed/mocked/ridiculed for doing things because they weren't feminine/ladylike. He told me after we split that I wasn't enough like Bridget Jones... He was supportive and encouraging, but only when he deemed it valuable. I wasn't encouraged/supported to do things just because I wanted to do them. I couldn't challenge him by offering an alternative viewpoint; or "emasculate" him by putting the shelves up/assembling the furniture/tiling/changing the light fitting... that he couldn't do.
A man recently told me that many men probably wouldn't be interested in me (I'm single now) because I'm too independent; too capable; and I know my own mind. He said that a lot of his friends would find it intimidating and feel 'threatened' by it. He sees it as a positive and he is interested. And at least he's single. Because I've spent the last 12 months fighting off the attentions of a number of married men who don't appear to have much respect for their wives (or me either, to be fair). But if I did succumb, well that they cheated would be my fault too. Because, as a woman, I am responsible for the morality and behaviour of a man.
My brother is appallingly misogynistic. We no longer see him partly because of a recent misogynistic outburst and because I can see that some of the behaviours coming out in my son, despite my best efforts. My voice has no authority. I'm not listened to or taken seriously. Even when I have knowledge/experience/expertise in an area, his dad is the one he listens to, even if his dad has no experience in that matter. Simply because he is a man. His dad assumes he is right because he is Man. My experience/expertise counts for nothing.
If I could do anything I wanted in this life, it would be to go back and tell that 14 year old that she was right and not to listen to anything anyone else said.
Phew!