Minor male entitlements

[kentishgirl]

It's not just the big things, it's the little things that are in some way more irritating to me.

Just got out of the dentist. It's a small practise and I guess the receptionist is off sick as the reception desk still had shutters down, so they were a little bit late opening up. One woman was sitting in waiting room when I arrived. A man came in a little after me.

The dentist came out and opened up the desk.

Guess who quickly jumped up and got there to be dealt with first?

As to pram ramming, it's worth noting that it's pretty rare to see a man wielding a pram; pushing them is women's work. If a man used one, we'd just have to see how carefully he used it. Carefully enough to deserve lower insurance rates, we hope.

In Camelot (Camelot!) I have to push -- the pram a lot!

V rarely used pram/buggy. Mostly carried them until they could walk, then they used their legs. Buggies are used as convenient placed for uninterested mothers to park babies while they compare trendy accessories. I took my babies out to be with th.

Prams being pushed into men is a tiny issue and anyone thinking it is on a par with the day to day men getting into our space problems needs to go through rosabud's steps above. I often almost run when out and about - I walk most faster than most men and most women (although none of us can be fast with small children and we had 3 under 5 so you cannot carry three in slings on your own). The way to avoid the slow people on pavements who tend to be of either gender is to walk on the road. I often do that. It works well.

PS another point - I always take out a wheeled bag as have lots of law books, computer, notes etc It is a very useful weapon against men actually. On the tube I have it in front of me which buys me a load more space when standing to stop people getting into my face or against my breasts. On pavements people have to avoid you as you have this massive heavy thing you are wielding.

I just was out taking a child to football and on the way back a very entitled man charged through in my traffic lane. I didn't slow up (he was on my side of the road) and he looked very surprised a woman was not ceding to his supposed power. He had to slow up. This is almost every day 50% of our species are having to deal with this kind of thing from some (not all) men. Other men aren't like this. I don't think my sons are like this at all.

It amuses me that in a 50/50 situation (walking along a corridor, driving where there is only room for one car etc) it is assumed as entitled and privileged that a man assumes he has right of way. Yet at least two posters above have exhibited exactly the same entitled behaviour and believe they are somehow courageous. And guess who ultimately backed down in this foolish game of chicken? Yes, the man. And, if they hadn't?'

larrygrylls did you miss the point Greengrow made twice that charged through in my traffic lane.... (he was on my side of the road)

How is that exhibited exactly the same entitled behaviour and believe they are somehow courageous ?

After a similar thread I started noticing how on my walk to/from work, whenever a man is walking towards me he expects me to move out of the way. I've made a conscious decision to stay where I am and they look genuinely shocked that they have to move.

I saw a taxi driver shoot down the wrong side of the road to beat a huge line of waiting traffic. A woman in a small car came round the corner and he kept edging forwards and forwards until she reversed out of his way! He was on the wrong side of the road and could have caused a nasty accident.

All I can say re driving is that there are an amazing number of HUGE 4x4 where I live (suburban london), 90% driven by women. They are far too big for the roads and are driven with huge entitlement, trying to intimidate other road users with their size. Maybe if you are a woman, you just notice the men. I think poor aggressive driving is pretty much 50/50. And as for driving/parking at school collection time ...9

I bumped my buggy into a (female) friend's heels twice in 5 mins. My baby was less than a week old and I hadn't figured out the space I needed it at that point - bit like learning the turning circle of a new car, say.

Incidentally, it's the baby that's taking up the space in a cafe, larry, not the parent.

Really? My babies hardly took up any space at all. It is the bugaboos and silver crosses that take up the space.

On that 4X4 point, (whilst being nervous around illustrating anything larry says) I spend approx 2 hours on my per day going to and from work, and between offices, so lots of experience. High amongst the usual suspects to be really careful around ( taxis, HGVs, early model marque cars, 'plumbers' vans and Transit types) are, unfortunately, women driving 4X4s.
Riding a bike means you see an awful lot of traffic, and have to put up with an awful lot of really bad behaviours. But women in 4X4s are massively over-represented, compared to their likely numbers on the road, in the bad experiences/near misses/attempts to intimidate sorts of things. Mostly it's driving right on your wheel, or choosing to close off space for no reason other than they can. IT certainly isn't about any lack of driving skills or any other excuses.
Not sure how that works, and you could speculate on the reasons behind it, but the combo of 4X4 and females qualifies as quite a dangerous 'entitled' behaviour, ime. (having said that a lot of 4X4s are tricky to deal with.)

Which buggy did your newborn have, larry, when you were taking them out 5-7 days a week?

Pan, are there more men in HGVs than women in 4x4s to be careful of, go you think?

(Not disputing that many drivers need to take more care for cyclists)

The legs thing doesn't happen on trains, only on the tube. I think it must be more to do with a display of dominance aimed at the people sitting opposite, and the person sitting next to the man is just collateral damage. Or something. It winds me up SO much and I've never said anything. Am going to next time. I think.

This thread is fascinating.

It started off as a minor gripes thing where women were sharing things they found it mildly annoying that men do fairly often. Then Greengrow comes along and says some frankly ridiculous things mixed in with a couple of good points. Then it becomes a total misogyny fest courtesy of 2 men who really have no clue at all, but have to make sure they whine about their sad lots in life.

Women! Have no opinions! Don't dare name any problem! Accept your yolk as your lot, men have it so much worse than you,

It happens to me on trains, amethyst. It does somewhat friend how generous the seats are (Eurostar, no problem; peak commuter trains, squeeze in)

Friend = depend.

Taking over entire coffee shops with buggies, blocking passageways and sipping one coffee over 2 hours (never seen a man do this and I used to quite regularly take two under 3 out).

Or, properly construed, when women take up public space it is in their role as carers and nurturers? I have seen men do this, but far far fewer of them because men are, proportionally, far far fewer amongst parents who are full time carers to their children. That is not "female privilege" but quite the reverse: socially, economically and practically there is a huge amount of pressure on the woman in an opposite sex relationship to do the childcare.

Cheaper car insurance (until very recently).

Really? A historical policy no longer in force which was based on statistical analysis of risk? There's a straw over there to grasp ---->

Embarrassing men by imagining every look is a 'leer' or 'creeps them out' while shamelessly ogling men that they fancy even if they are 20 years younger.

Women "imagine" men are leering, but men are correct to think they're being ogled? That's shamelessly misogynist and totally ignores women's experiences - it's not fun being leered at. The power imbalance means that when a man stares at a woman, she doesn't know if he's going to attack her or not. When a woman stares at a man, he can be almost certain she's not. Yes, women are socially compelled to treat men as Schrodinger's Rapist. That ain't female privilege, chum.

Ostracising men with babies at 'parent's' meet ups.

I've been fortunate perhaps in that I've not seen this, but then the men with babies at the parents' groups I've been to (the ones that welcome the preggy as well as those with babies) have been part of the group. What I have seen is new people not fitting into the clique immediately. And again, why is it that men doing the caring is not unremarkable?

Shamelessly calling male privilege whilst demanding privilege for themselves such as female only times and spaces at gyms where both sexes pay equal fees.

I would far prefer to see a society which does not judge women on their bodies than be given a single hour and a half out of ninety five available hours in which I can exercise worry-free.

In the meantime, though, without a women’s hour some women just won’t go to the gym at all. So here’s a deal: my local gym offers ninety five hours a week at the Fitness Centre. Men can have a 1.6% discount, reflecting the hours in which they can’t use it. However, the women who will only use the centre during women-only times get a 98.4% discount to reflect an equal situation (currently, they pay the same as anybody else.) Fair?

ABland - sure, and I'm aware of that re men driving more trucks and taxis, and one takes suitable precautions for all of them. The 4X4/women thing is starkly noticeable. (eg. last night riding home on a downhill one drove beside me about 2 feet from me as we did 25mph'ish - absolutely no need to as the lights at the bottom were queued). I wish it wasn't the case (and of course any vehicle can kill or seriously maim you) but that combo makes them v uneasy to be around.

There was a really interesting article by a woman who spent a weekend sitting with her legs splayed on public transport.

www.bustle.com/articles/34279-why-do-guys-spread-their-legs-when-sitting-on-the-subway-my-weekend-of-sitting-like

Puffins, misogyny fest? Grips are available in the site shop.

Pan, I trust your observations - after all, you're playing the "not getting squashed" odds!