Oh, thanks for the link, petula, looks lovely.
upto - you and me both!
elephants - yes, I think this is a real issue. I have to admit, STBExDh (did I get that right? Who knows. Anyway, him) doesn't do it, and does listen to me talk out my problems. But I am conscious of how unusual this is, both from past relationships and from talking to friends.
I think there's also an issue of how you get that emotional caretaking. I really notice this with my parents. My mum is like me: she appreciates being able to talk things over at length (and we both know it's an annoying habit). But, because she knows she does this, she will choose a time and ask if she can talk through a problem - she presents her issue, whether it's to do with work or her worries about my brothers or whatever, and she explains it.
My dad thinks he doesn't talk much, but actually, what he does is to interrupt, because when he hears any discussion that has to do with emotional issues, he sees that as an opportunity to turn the conversation towards whatever he is thinking/feeling. In his mind, this obviously doesn't register as time dedicated to his own 'emotional caretaking', so he still manages to believe he doesn't demand support in the way she does, while obviously blocking her efforts to talk through whatever it is she's talking about.
I have a few friends whose relationships seem to have a similar dynamic, and it is quite odd. I'm guessing it has to do with how we're socialized, but I can't trace it back to anything specific.