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Original poster

What surname do your children have?

214 replies

AmberTheCat · 04/07/2014 10:08

Following on from the 'Changing my name' thread, I'm interested in what surnames those of us who have children have chosen to give them, and why?

My children have my dp's surname. We're not married, and I felt that people would be more likely to assume that they were my children, and question whether they were his, if they had my name. Not a particularly feminist argument, but one that felt important to me (dp didn't really mind either way).

OP posts:
marmitelover · 05/07/2014 22:50

It's quite a personal decision I think. I'm married and we all have the same surname, which happens to be what my husband was born with. I'm not bothered. It's our name. Our family's name. Mind you, I have an unusual first name so I didn't feel that anyone would be confused as to who I was when I changed names when we got married. It just doesn't bother me. I don't see it as any form of submission. After all, my original surname was my dad's family name, not my mum's, so naming is a fluid process.

Bluebelljumpsoverthemoon · 05/07/2014 22:51

I regret giving dd her fathers surname and I feel so angry at ex for pressuring me into it, I am angry with myself for not insisting on putting my own name down as I wanted. Mine is much nicer, it's associations more pleasant and my siblings aren't having any kids to pass the family name on. It just pisses me off that she doesn't share my name, I can't even change it or add my name to her surname on the birth certificate, I've tried.

HilariousInHindsight · 05/07/2014 23:12

We are engaged.
DD has DPs name.
Because it is easier to spell and mine is already double barrelled.

Hakluyt · 05/07/2014 23:19

I do think it's bizarre that people seem to think we are less of a family because I have one name, Dp has another and the dcs have a third. How do you measure the amount of "family" we have/are?

sonlypuppyfat · 05/07/2014 23:24

It's just that it's not what people are used to, I remember my dad telling me how ashamed his poor mum was that she was as she put it a bastard. How awful for her, so it must be a remnant from those days if families all have different names.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 05/07/2014 23:29

I don't think you are 'less of a family' haklyut but I think some people at some stages in life (ie, me, then) feel that the name is important in making a statement which, if more confident at the time perhaps, they would have realised they had no need to make.

As it is, my daughters have a pretty nice name, as do I, and I quite like mine being different from theirs as it turns out. They're clearly mine, as everyone who encountered them ever knew, but less clearly Dp's so I like the fact that they get his name at least.

edamsavestheday · 05/07/2014 23:36

The 'what if two people with double barrelled names get married, what happens THEN, will no-one think of the poor children' objection is merrily ignored by yer actual aristocrats. Who do sometimes go with the whole four or five surname thing - Anstruther-Colefax-Tollemache-Anstey or similar.

I think you'd have to have the full gamut of silver spoons, plums, battered ermine robes and aged retainers to carry it off, though.

LovingSummer · 06/07/2014 07:55

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

catsrus · 06/07/2014 08:08

I got married in the mid 80's (was married 24+yrs) and kept my name, we decided girls would have my name, boys his. We had girls so the dc have grown up with my name - it's never caused a single problem and they are all in their 20's now and very happy with their names.

GiantIsopod · 06/07/2014 08:49

Mine have DH's surname. We have SDs (his daughters) who live with us most of the time, and giving them his surname joined them together more. They get on well, but there was some tension and I think it's a problem in a lot of step families that it's separated into an us (children of both parents)/them thing, this joined them together more.

Holfin · 06/07/2014 09:02

I am one of those people who married someone with the same surname. Easy when having DC as no surname decisions. I am genuinely not sure what I would have done had it have not worked out this way.

thegreylady · 06/07/2014 09:10

My dc had their dad's surname and I changed mine when I remarried. Dd's dc have their father's surname as does she.
When their dad died my dc were 12 and 16 so there was no question of them not keeping his name when I remarried.
I have been married 3 times so I have had four surnames in my life all of them because of a man so none of them 'mine' really. It is a fact that even if women keep their maiden name it is from their father. I like the Icelandic custom of all girls being xxxxxdottir (xxxx being mother's first name) and men being yyyyysen (yyyyy being dad's first name) then they keep that name for life. An excellent plan.

bryte · 06/07/2014 10:39

Had I been on Mumsnet and read these discussions 12 years ago, I would no doubt have kept my name and given my children my name. We had DD before we were married and I don't think DH would have been outwardly bothered if I had done that. As it happens, I knew we were getting married and that I would end up taking his name and we'd all have the same name. At the time I didn't think it was a big deal and I was happy to shed my surname - particularly as I was going from the end of the alphabet to the beginning. I hated being last for everything during school and liked too much the idea of my children not having to suffer that (projecting I guess)

Despite my subconsciously choosing the patriarchal path, I have to say I am always a bit meh about women on here who act superior because they haven't taken their DH's surname but have given their DH's surname to their children. I like the scandinavian way of doing things. Given our high divorce rate it would make sense for women in this country to keep their own surname. The only problem I see with giving DDs the mother's name and DSs the father's name is in cases where no father is present in the child's life and the DS would have the mother's surname. It would quickly single them out as never having had a father around. I don't know if that would matter.

APodPerson · 06/07/2014 12:54

I'm married, and DS has my surname. I don't know any other married couples where the child has the mother's surname, but it's never been an issue for us.

I have an unusual surname which I love, and DH has a very common surname. I'm also close to my family, while DH wasn't close to his father's side so it just made sense.

weeblueberry · 06/07/2014 16:41

My DD has DP's surname. Mainly because

a) we will probably get married at some point
b) my surname is that of my biological father who I have absolutely no attachment to. In fact, I wish I'd changed it to my stepfather's surname years ago...

edamsavestheday · 06/07/2014 23:18

APod, I'm married and ds has my surname, not dh's. Causes a few raised eyebrows where we live - it's quite a conformist suburban area. Tough tit to anyone who thinks its odd. FWIW it was dh's choice, I was going to give ds both surnames but dh said no, he wasn't bothered about his name. (To be fair, it is quite boring and at absolutely no risk of dying out.) Ds has his Granddads' first names as middles instead.

weatherall · 08/07/2014 14:29

Yes, weebairn. I've NEVER heard of a man saying "don't give the DC my name, it's shite/I don't like my dad".

Patriarchal naming traditions send out as string message to our daughters and sons that women are less important than men.

NigellasDealer · 08/07/2014 14:31

I've NEVER heard of a man saying "don't give the DC my name, it's shite/I don't like my dad
I have though

innogen75 · 08/07/2014 17:56

Dc have both no hyphen.

A child I carried and gave birth to would never not have my name.

ThursdayLast · 08/07/2014 18:12

We are marrying next year.
DS has DPs name already.
I will keep my own.
DS has to have a surname and following the male line isn't a tradition that offends me.
I really couldn't care less about what others do with their own names, as it doesn't make a jot of difference to me.

Trinpy · 08/07/2014 18:21

Dc has both our names, no hyphen, but most people leave out dh's half as its difficult to spell/pronounce.

We had intended to take on each others surnames after we got married but never got round to it.

LynetteScavo · 08/07/2014 18:32

I wasn't married when DS1 was born.

I felt the name on his hospital wrist tag when he was born was wrong as it had my surname, and not DH's. For some reason I felt strongly he'd been born into DH's "clan".

Also, I really didn't like my maiden name, and wouldn't have inflicted it on a child. I was thrilled to change my name when I married, as DH had a much nicer surname than me!

If I had intended never to marry, or stay with DH forever, the DC would have had to suffer my maiden name, as I want to have the same name as my DC.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 08/07/2014 21:48

I must admit, if I had been more feminist in my thinking when the DCs were born I would have wanted DD to have my surname and DS to have DH's, but I didn't and can't change now. DD would have had to have a different first name though, hers would sound very silly with my surname.

ArcheryAnnie · 09/07/2014 02:32

Hyphenated [myname]-[hisname]. It was entirely my choice, and I put [hisname] in there not so much for my ex's sake, but to nail down a connection to his extended family. (I have a good relationship with ex and with his extended family.)

When DS is bigger, if he wants to drop one of the names, I'm ok about it either way.

Darksideofthemoon88 · 09/07/2014 10:12

We gave DD DP's surname as I said above - at DP's insistence. She's four weeks old now and I'm still not entirely comfortable with this Sad ; I'd prefer she had mine.