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Original poster

What surname do your children have?

214 replies

AmberTheCat · 04/07/2014 10:08

Following on from the 'Changing my name' thread, I'm interested in what surnames those of us who have children have chosen to give them, and why?

My children have my dp's surname. We're not married, and I felt that people would be more likely to assume that they were my children, and question whether they were his, if they had my name. Not a particularly feminist argument, but one that felt important to me (dp didn't really mind either way).

OP posts:
WorkingBling · 04/07/2014 23:15

Ds has dh name. Dh regularly suggests that if we have a dd we use mine. And even if we have another ds, we use mine. I like the idea of boys having dad's name and girls having mums. But truthfully, while my feminist principals agree with dh, I can't face the hassle of siblings with different names and the constant explanations. It's hard enough with the school struggling to understand that yes, we Are married but no, I am not mrs dh name. Bless them, they call me by my name but always add miss.

I do want our next child to have something of me but the problem is that I don't have strong family names. My surname sounds ridiculous as a middle name. So does dh's. I would like to name a child with a first name from my side but there aren't a lot of choices - there are no good grandparent names, ds already has my dad's first name and my mothers name is horrible!

We are thinking of a derivative of my mothers name for a girl. But who knows what we will do for a boy.

OhPuddleducks · 04/07/2014 23:16

Not married, no plans to. They have his surname. It's just a name at the end of the day. Don't feel they are any less mine because we have different surnames. We chose their given names together and that always felt more important to me.

ByTheWishingWell · 04/07/2014 23:19

DD has my name. We're not married, and I won't change my name if we get married.
It was important to me because I have my mum's maiden name- she didn't change it when my parents got married and I'd like to carry on the tradition. Plus, it annoyed me that everyone just assumed DD would have DP's name. And mine's nicer. Grin

Dragonlette · 04/07/2014 23:23

Hakluyt would it make you feel better if I told you that dp's name sounded clunky with the boys name I wanted? It does, it sounds awful, any future boys will definitely be having my surname. It's not that my name sounds clunky all the time, I really like my name, it sounds good with my first name, and with my sister's first name, and with dd1's first name. It's just with the particular first name I wanted for dd2 my surname sounded jarring, so I suppose if my name had been the only choice I would have chosen a different first name, but I had the choice of using the first name I really wanted with dp's surname and having it flow together really nicely so I took that option. I quite like having options.

sparrowfart23 · 05/07/2014 06:26

When DP and I married, I said I would either keep my surname (or rather resort to my maiden name, as I had double-barrelled with my first marriage), or we could both double barrel. He agreed to the latter. We had a bit of backlash from (his) family, which is a bit odd (IMO) given that (a) his surname is an anglicization only adopted 2 generations ago and (b) the strongest objections came from his mother's family, whose surname is going to phase out in this generation, as the girls of his only uncle have taken their husbands' names. DD (who is adopted) has the same surname as both of usmy surname-his surname as it sounds bestbut I don't mind what she chooses to do when/if she marries.

CaptChaos · 05/07/2014 06:42

It does make me giggle a little when people say that double barreled names are pretentious. How my family laughs at people thinking that the name that has been passed down through several generations is pretentious. I'll have to let my cousins know again.

Anyone would think that double barreling was a new thing. It isn't.

RainbowsStars · 05/07/2014 07:12

Mine, if they didn't have my name then our family surname would die out since I'm the only one who has had children. All my cousins are a female and I only have sisters.

17leftfeet · 05/07/2014 07:34

My dds have their fathers name because...

Mine is the Germanic spelling of a more commonly English name so it has to be spelt out every single time

Once people recognise its German they start asking me about Germany -my dad's family tree goes back 12 generations and they were all Nottinghamshire and Lincolnshire so I have no idea where the German came from other than Germany obviously

It's a very clipped surname so doesn't sit well with short first names which I prefer

Exdp's name was just nicer!

Snog · 05/07/2014 07:45

My dd has my surname.
We're not married so why would I give her dp's name?
Everyone is happy about this except for dp's family! when they write to dd they either give her their surname or create a hyphenated surname for dd with both of ours!!!! I let this wash over me.

msmorgan · 05/07/2014 08:21

Our daughters have DP's surname. We are married, I haven't changed my name to his but do use it at school and for family related things.

duchesse · 05/07/2014 08:31

I have kept my own surname, DH has his, our children all have my surname as a third given name just before their surname which is DH's.

cdwales · 05/07/2014 09:22

We did get married after eight years and before having the DCs. We amalgamated our names but not with a hyphen as historically that is associated with 'bastard' children of the nobility (not a happy association we felt!) The internet seems to have adjusted to a 'gap no hyphen' too...
Not an issue and has worked well. My MIL has had folk assume she shares 'our' surname though!

scottishmummy · 05/07/2014 09:24

If it's only a name,how comes the men don't change names
and vast majority name changing is from women to the male name
Mn perennial is the female name clunky/funny/didn't sound good. Not so the male name....

sonlypuppyfat · 05/07/2014 09:27

scottishmummy I may not know much but I can tell this bothers you!

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 05/07/2014 09:32

When we got married I chose to take DHs name. Dcs have his name. Had we not have been married, they would have my name as thats what I would have been. If he then asked me to marry him (I would have been happy.never marrying but he wanted to) then he could either take my name or stay his name.

Hakluyt · 05/07/2014 09:45

We amalgamated our names but not with a hyphen as historically that is associated with 'bastard' children of the nobility (not a happy association we felt!)

Please tell me you're joking.......please

scottishmummy · 05/07/2014 10:02

Doesn't bother me,it's a straight observation of the convoluted reasons to take male name
And oft repeated on mn is wanting his name as family name,to make it a unit
Inference being if it's not his name,it's not family.and different names is somehow bad

Fideliney · 05/07/2014 10:08

TBH my name is forrin-sounding and unpronouncable and impossible to spell.

I still gave it to the DC Grin

HecatePropylaea · 05/07/2014 10:10

we're married and we've all got his name. I like it better than my old, dull one.

scottishmummy · 05/07/2014 10:10

Haha

Coristarz · 05/07/2014 10:10

We're not married and our son has my partner's surname. He has a daughter from his previous relationship, so I thought it would be nice for our son to have the same surname as his sister.
We thought of a double-barrel surname, but my surname is French and his surname is Welsh and it just sounded weird! For the same reason, my surname wouldn't work as a middle name.

BeCool · 05/07/2014 10:12

My name.

They have XP's name as a middle name. But it isn't hyphenated or anything so my name is last name.

I'm very happy with their names. I wasn't married to their father, wouldn't change my name if I was married anyway. And I didn't see why they should have any other name but mine.

Their Dad was incapable of having discussions about anything important without flying into a VA rage. On the absence of discussions on the subject I made the decisions myself. He wasn't around much when dd1 was born. I certainly don't see any compelling arguement for her sister to have a different name.

HecatePropylaea · 05/07/2014 10:18

oh. ha, just seen your post above mine, SM. well, sorry to be a MN cliche but it's true. I swapped your bog standard smith/jones/brown/etc for something I liked better, along your githongo/ndegwa/kuria lines and I was happy to do so for that really really shallow reason.

MrsCosmopilite · 05/07/2014 10:21

Mine has both. Mine first then DH's. No hyphen.

Darksideofthemoon88 · 05/07/2014 10:28

My newborn DD has DP's surname. We're not married and never plan to be, but I hadn't realised quite how strongly he felt about her having his surname and we had a bit of an argument about it when I was around eight months pregnant Sad. He felt that he would have less of a connection with her if she had my surname because people would assume that he wasn't the father, and he said he'd be uncomfortable at schools/doctors'/airports etc for this reason. I wanted her to have mine because I'm the only female in my branch of the family, so their will be no more Darksides. I find that kinda sad... Anyway, he got his way - I can understand where he's coming from, and we compromised by passing the middle name that me and my mam share on to DD so that, in my eyes at least, she's marked as a Darkside girl. We've agreed that any future DDs will have the same.