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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

What kind of woman do you want to be?

85 replies

Elfina · 30/05/2014 18:53

I was thinking the other day, I'm not sure what I'm aiming for. I want to be successful, in lots of ways. I've been feeling down about not having lost baby weight, and I'm trying to work out why. I think I've got an idea in the back if my mind who the "perfect Elfina" is, but I'm not sure whether it's compatible...I want to be "perfect" at everything. I want to look a certain way. I want to be the best at my career, mother, I want people to think I'm lovely, I want to be kind etc. what kind of a woman do you want to be?

OP posts:

Wannabestepfordwife · 30/05/2014 20:36

I used to want to be perfect, perfect looks, perfect girlfriend, perfect at my job and the self hatred I had when I couldn't achieve my aims was pretty dark ( I took drugs for confidence etc)

Now I accept I'm an incredibly flawed individual but I'm alright (I'm never going to be perfect) I maybe flawed but flaws don't mean bad.

northeastofeden · 30/05/2014 20:44

Powerful
Wise
Kind

northeastofeden · 30/05/2014 20:45

Great question by the way. I have made peace with not being perfect, my three goals will be a lifelong process!

LRDtheFeministDragon · 30/05/2014 20:48

Ok, to be trivial: I would like to be the sort of women who can wear a fancy dress costume without worrying.

That'd be one more level of selfconsciousness gone. I'm good in my normal clothes, I just feel funny when I lose that comfort blanket, and I would like not to care. Not very highbrow, but there we go.

Mitchy1nge · 30/05/2014 21:17

I want to be a sort of middle-aged version of hit girl and, when not heavily armed, absolutely lethal in any kind of physical confrontation/hand to hand combat.

CoreyTrevorLahey · 30/05/2014 22:05

I want to be as calm and content as possible. Having battered through terrible anxiety these past few years, I value my mental health more than anything.

I don't have big ambitions to be rich or thin. I'm happy to take life slowly and lie back and smell the flowers! That's not to say I'd turn down being rich or thin but I don't beat myself up over not being those things.

teaandthorazine · 30/05/2014 22:39

I'd like to be braver. I lack confidence in a particular area of my job and it's holding me back, hugely. I am absolutely busking through it (great phrase!) and I'm going to get found out soon. It means I spend a lot of time frustrated with myself, and scared.

I think I'm a good enough mother, and I try to be a loving, supportive partner. I could probably be a better daughter, and I'm sometimes a bit of a flake as a friend, I think - I don't mean to be but life just spins away from me and I know I don't make the effort I should with keeping up with people. I'd like to be more of a bringer-together of people I love, but I have to accept that's probably not me.

I'd like to be able to shake off the anger I still feel towards my XH

So, braver and more sociable, in a nutshell

HeyBungalowBill · 30/05/2014 22:50

I dream of being independent, a good mum to my son, have a successful career and to own my own home.

Yesterday I was getting back in my 12 year old little car and a lovely well groomed attractive family of three hopped out of their big flashy BMW all very happy and smiley. I felt sad for a minute but then thought one day that will be me and DS.

Not to be flashy and show off, just to own things I like and to be financially comfortable.

HeyBungalowBill · 30/05/2014 22:56

I must add that I am quite happy as I am for now. I am a good mum, daughter and hopefully a good friend, I try to be!

I'm a strong person who has taken on a hell of a lot at a young age and I am thriving. I just haven't had the opportunity yet to make a career for myself which will hopefully follow uni which I start this year.

I just want my DS to look up to me and feel proud that I am his mum

summerflower · 30/05/2014 23:06

I would like to be okay. I would like to know the future will be okay.

I would like to be me. I would like to know that things will be okay being me. I would like to have enough years left to make up for the years of not being me.

I would like to be left alone, for ever, because he respects my right to be left alone, not to have to constantly be asserting it. I would like not to be bullied or manipulated. I would like it all to finally stop. I would like to be okay. I would like not to be tired.

I would like to stop, just for a bit, and watch the world go by. I would like, at some point to be part of that world.

Best1sWest · 30/05/2014 23:07

I'd like to be more confident in standing up for what I believe in. I am getting better at it.

Preciousbane · 30/05/2014 23:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrotchMaven · 30/05/2014 23:12

Like Beachcomber, I want to be free. To be the person that I am. I don't mean sex-neutral when I say that, I just mean me.

scottishmummy · 30/05/2014 23:12

Im happy to be me.not an unattainable strive for perfection.good enough

CrotchMaven · 30/05/2014 23:15

Actually, what I've just said is a bit nonsense. I'd like to think about that some more.

SirChenjin · 30/05/2014 23:16

I want to be happy and healthy, with a good work/life balance. I've accepted that I will never set the world alight, or be the life and soul of the party - but as I'm getting older I'm much happier in my own skin. I'd like to be more confident, as that has definitely held me back over the years, and the depression that I suffer from on and off really bugs me, - but I have a great family in DH and the DCs, and a close circle of really lovely girlfriends. When I'm not moaning and whingeing I realise I'm actually very lucky.

GoshAnneGorilla · 30/05/2014 23:19

One that likes themselves.

I was reading a thread about pregnancy and it was sad the number of women who liked being pregnant because they felt they could be happy with their bodies and because they felt they could treat themselves.

No one is going to live my life for me, so I want to have a contented one.

PacificDogwood · 30/05/2014 23:24

It is one of the great, deep and profound joys of middle-age that I have become quite fond of who I am and what I am achieving

What kind of woman do I want to be? Pretty much the one I am, maybe more assertive and less prone to procrastination, but overall I'm quite happy.

I want people to think I am nice and competent and take me seriously. I want to be seen as kind in the same way as I want others 'default setting' to be 'kind'.
I cannot be arsed to worry about nails and weight an'all that shite - I am me and I am alright.

PacificDogwood · 30/05/2014 23:26

We should all stop comparing ourselves to others and stop worrying about we have NOT got, but rather concentrate on what we do.
Honestly.

Uplateagain · 30/05/2014 23:27

The kind of woman we should aspire to be: we should recognise that we'll never be thin enough, toned enough, tidy enough, capable enough, kind enough, enough enough enough etc etc we just need to be happy to be ourselves. We'll know we're there when we feel we have nothing to prove.

mameulah · 30/05/2014 23:31

This is a great thread!

BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 31/05/2014 00:11

Summer

Hazchem · 31/05/2014 02:48

I haven't had the chance to read all the thread but here goes.
I want to be the kind of women people see me as. I feel very disconnected from who people think I am and how I feel. On the whole I think people think I am clever, funny, kind, worthwhile, extraordinary, talented, beautiful, organised, generous but I don't feel those things within myself.

I am working at connecting myself back into who I am but am so stuck at the moment on how I look I can not seam to find myself as the person I used to feel I was. It dismays me as a feminist that I can not equality my actual worth and person hood with more then my external appearance.

I'm totally meant to be studying so will come back later and read other posts.

TheSameBoat · 31/05/2014 09:28

The socialised me and the feminist me want entirely different things.

The socialised me wants to be skinny. The feminist me wants to not give a fuck about being skinny.

It's a constant battle!

TheWordFactory · 31/05/2014 09:47

I firmly believe that perfectionism is the enemy of achievement. All the women I know who are perfectionists actually end up achieving less than the steely pragmatists...so although who and what I want to be is always a work in progress, I know that I do not wish to be a perfectionist!!!

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