What kind of woman do you want to be?

[Elfina]

I was thinking the other day, I'm not sure what I'm aiming for. I want to be successful, in lots of ways. I've been feeling down about not having lost baby weight, and I'm trying to work out why. I think I've got an idea in the back if my mind who the "perfect Elfina" is, but I'm not sure whether it's compatible...I want to be "perfect" at everything. I want to look a certain way. I want to be the best at my career, mother, I want people to think I'm lovely, I want to be kind etc. what kind of a woman do you want to be?

I agree that both goals and process are (equally?) important. I have worked for large and well-known companies in the private sector that had no scruples whatsoever and were all about meeting unrealistic deadlines and creating revenue. It was utterly soul destroying. My approach (initially) to working in these environments was to be fair, respectful to my colleagues, open and honest focusing on being productive rather than political to further my career. As that is how I was brought up. Well, suffice to say I got burnt badly. Thankfully I was able to take voluntary redundancy but I feel having been exposed to this environment has 'killed' a part of me that was genuinely kind and positive because these qualities just simply do not fit in with general corporate attitudes ime.

I worry that I will never get my old self back and that having been part of a highly competitive, aggressive and goal driven work market has changed me irrevocably.

Rant over.

paua for me the two things feed one another. I never start a process without the end in mind and I never set myself a goal without working out the process. I also, where possible, ensure that the goals and the process are achieveable and meaningful. Thus I wouldn't set a meaningless goal like 'I want to be beautiful' or 'I want to be happy' or 'I want to be rich.' I also wouldn't set a goal which required a horrible process (though I would accept a bit of pain for the ultimate goal).

A younger one

Clearly, that's not going to work…..

Me.

grimbletart

pauashell - I think it can be helpful to try create a vision of what you want your life to look like in order to identify the (ongoing) processes that will, gradually, get you there. These are not sequential goals and I greatly dispute that they are meaningless - I believe they are meaning itself.

I agree,a plan,a set of goals gives definition and purpose.doesnf need to be rigid
I had a plan,and for me its been purposeful and when it's hard going i know its leading somewhere
And i also agree yes do factor in health ,diet,grooming.as these enhance wellbeing

I am mindful of my diet,grooming.and i like make up,fragrances for their diversion and how they lift a mood
I am mindful what the children eat,and their lifestyle. I made all my own baby foods.i make sure they get out to park.we dont over use the car

These goals and targets should only be meaningful to you paua. If money, or material possessions, or a career, or clothes with certain labels are not important to your values then be true to yourself - I don't think there is a quicker way to feel disillusioned than if you chase something which is meaningless to you.

I want to be able to sprint in both the practical and metaphorical sense. I have this thing in me, this self preservation, or a certain sort of hardness which I can't seem to pierce and it means that I find myself unable, fundamentally, to commit in an absolute way, to anything. I always and sometimes unwillingly hold something back of myself, I just can't let go of that little margin of safety. I can't sprint at full pelt; it's too much of a commitment. I took up.running more than a decade ago, thinking if I learned to sprint physically, I'd be able to reach it in other ways. More than ten years and countless races later, I don't know if that approach will work because I still haven't been able to make myself sprint, all out, nothing held back, yet.

That's interesting, outs. I can relate to that though haven't tried sprinting yet! It may be different for you but I see my cautiousness as a symptom of my upbringing. Historically I have always had to save up time, money and energy for a rainy day and be self-reliant as if Plan A failed, I needed a back - up resource and not give up. On the plus side this has made me an excellent short and long term multi-tasker and planner but I can't live in the moment at all, much as I would like to.

I would like to be able to be a bit more relaxed and enjoy what I do have wholeheartedly. I'm generally only happy when I'm 'doing' stuff and doing it efficiently.