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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminist Pub VII - Chat, questions, random thoughts too small for a thread ...

999 replies

LRDtheFeministDragon · 29/05/2014 18:37

Just setting this up while we finish off the last few posts on the old thread. Come in and pull up a bar stool!

Smile
OP posts:
Dragonlette · 15/06/2014 08:48

I got excited when I got my new washing machine a couple of years ago. Bigger drum, unlikely to eat clothes and leave holes in them, what's not to love? What I want next is a kitchen that has space for it inside rather than having to go out to the old coal shed which is where it's plumbed in at the minute, and a dishwasher.

UptoapointLordCopper · 15/06/2014 09:44

What are you going to do with the old washing machine?

ReallyFuckingFedUp · 15/06/2014 09:57

You'd think that kim but after a week with no laundry all we shoved a load of clothes in and hoped for the best... I did untighten the hosepipe-a-majiggy in the back when dh couldn't do it. (feminist credentials restored)

I actually think having a coal shed is super exciting dragon Confused

Ironically, lordcopper, I think it was stones that the children were sticking in their trouser pockets great escape stylee that was what destroyed it in the first place Hmm. It's been taken away by the person who dropped it off this morning thankfully (on a Sunday...before 9!)

UptoapointLordCopper · 15/06/2014 10:56

I buy trousers with zipped up pockets for this purpose. At least all we get is very clean stones. Hmm

UptoapointLordCopper · 15/06/2014 10:57

But I love that vid. It made me cry with laughter. Blush

PacificDogwood · 15/06/2014 14:07

I feel so sorry for that washing machine Sad - it did SO not self-destruct: it was murdered!! [outrage]

Grin

I'd never ever homeschool because I'd never have the patience and my poor offspring may be in danger of being murdered by their own mother Blush but: I totally get your concerns, Outself.
I have 3 in school and the actual academic learning if fine, but the social conditioning just shocking. From 'pink is a girls' colour' to 'stop being just girls (said by a teacher to chatting boys) it makes you feel that the 60s never happened. All female teaching staff (except for one v popular male PE teacher).

I suppose I try to counteract it by talking about some of the stuff they come out with at home without thinking. 'Girls giggle' - 'and you don't, DS3 as you are lying wheezing and cackling, incapable of speech because it was so funny when your DB just farted?'

The pornification and access to awful, damaging hard-core porn is a huge worry to me and again I made jolly sure that my boys knew about their body and the facts about it and what sex was at as young an age as they asked about it. They know that there are things online that they might find disturbing and frightening and I hope that they would let me know if there was something being shared about at school. I hope - I may well be delusional.

That aspect of growing up was so much easer when I was a kid.

ChunkyPickle · 15/06/2014 16:25

Really - both DP and I (I installed it.. DP just gets flustered if handed a spanner) are really, really loving the 9kg washer and dryer we bought ourselves when we moved into our new place. (admittedly, they're contrasting against an 8 year old combined washer/dryer that could only manage 4kg, and that badly)

Fresh smelling duvet, the whole laundry basket in one go, it's fantastic. I've yet to actually manage to squeeze 9kg in it though - I assume you'd need to be washing bricks.

If this is old(er) age I don't care, because everything's clean and smells nice.

I couldn't homeschool both because I would go loopy, and because DS1 just doesn't want to learn from either of us (he's very, very stubborn), but I am worried about what he'll learn at school. So far he's managed to be fairly untouched by sexist rubbish from playgroup

UptoapointLordCopper · 15/06/2014 21:00

I would like to homeschool if I have enough hours to fit in my work and home schooling. As it is I work part time and stick to teaching my kids my language and music and geometry and chess in our spare time. Hmm Wish they don't spend so much time in school and wish there isn't any homework so we can spend more time milling about too.

AnnieLobeseder · 16/06/2014 09:22

I too got a new washing machine this week, and it was very exciting cos it's also a 9kg one, and more eco-friendly, plus we had a LOT of laundry built up after 2 weeks without one. DH was just as excited as me, so all is well in feminist land.

Would love to explode the old one but its motor went, so no option to fill it with rocks. Sad We are taking the far less exciting option of flogging it on eBay.

BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 16/06/2014 10:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnnieLobeseder · 16/06/2014 11:08

Harking back to the discussion we had on weight loss etc a couple of days ago...

Feminist Pub VII - Chat, questions, random thoughts too small for a thread ...
allhailqueenmab · 16/06/2014 12:14

This blog post on being thin and borderline disordered eating blew me away just now

www.the-beheld.com/2014/05/youre-right-i-didnt-eat-that.html

"There are a number of euphemisms for female thinness that do not require a man to make the impolite admission of his exclusive attraction to women with very little body fat. Though “active” and “full of energy” make respectable showings, they are a distance second and third from “a woman who takes care of herself.” It seems a benign enough request, but one quickly learns that this man is not especially concerned that she has regularly scheduled self-care sessions like time with friends or spa days with a good book. He isn’t asking that her household finances be in order and that she be self-actualized. He is asking her to be thin. When he says “herself,” he means “her body.” "

"Men seeking this woman are not seeking a carefree attitude as much as they are seeking a biological anomaly. For the majority of women, being thin is something with which she must be overly concerned in order to achieve and maintain it. Being effortlessly thin is no more achievable through a charmingly carefree attitude than becoming green-eyed or double-jointed. And while naturally thin women exist, of course, their numbers cannot keep pace with the number of men that desire them. And so we must be overly concerned as quietly as possible. "

nobody ever says this stuff honestly, and clearly

allhailqueenmab · 16/06/2014 12:20

Something funnier by the same writer - this post opens with some great observations

ohitsjustawful.com/2014/06/10/better-graduates-to-throw-shade-than-a-breastfeeding-one/

7Days · 16/06/2014 12:28

the old 'Eats steak and chips but looks well in size 8 jeans' trope.

You are shallow and high maintenence if you are seen to care, but care you must

StormyBrid · 16/06/2014 12:47

Far more sensible to find yourself a chap who likes a) cooking steak and chips and b) size 18 women. Makes for a far greater level of domestic harmony, for me at least.

AnnieLobeseder · 16/06/2014 12:49

That blog was very good, queenmab, and it's good to be reminded that those thin women we so often envy may live highly unenviable lives to maintain their size.

That meme I posted though, is more about the opposite end of the scale, where feminists are aware about how fat is indeed a feminist issue, and don't want to "diet to be thin" so much as being thin is a feminine trait desired by the patriarchy to keep us pre-occupied and decorative (double win for them!). But on the flip side, being overweight in unhealthy.

At my aerobics class the other week a new instructor (woman) was filling in the for the usual (homosexual male) instructor. While he never usually makes any comments about our appearance, but just pushes us to work harder for its own sake, she was constantly making comment along the lines of "work those buns, we want to look good in our bikinis!". Um, no. I don't. She really annoyed me with her constant assumption that I was there to improve my appearance over my health.

Whenever women are urged to lose weight and exercise, there never seems to any emphasis on the health benefits, just the aesthetic ones. It really makes me sad. Our health doesn't rate as important as long as we're easy on the eye. Just another way we're completely objectified. Style over substance.

7Days · 16/06/2014 12:56

It's the little grain of truth that so much of the other nonsense is built on that makes it so hard to argue against.
All things being equal, being slim is healthier than being overweight.
Watch patriarchy magnify an extrapolate on this to the nth degree for it's own ends.
Women have babies and need to take some maternity leave becomes women don't deserve high status /high paid jobs/ promotion/ i mean it's their own choice innit

terrible sentence construction but you know what I mean

allhailqueenmab · 16/06/2014 13:05

Annie, what if you said that? I think you should button hole that instructor (if she is here to stay) and say that you work out for your health; and say you have a history of disordered eating and find the stuff she is saying triggering. (you may not have a history of even slightly disordered eating ever, but if so you are one in a million, and can consider yourself to be telling a white lie on behalf of some other women in the class)

AnnieLobeseder · 16/06/2014 13:10

queenmab - I did glare at her whenever she said anything like that, but since it is a very intense class and I am currently rather unfit, speech was slightly beyond me! Grin.

I haven't seen her since (I missed the last 2 classes due to other commitments), but I will consider commenting if she a) is there again and b) makes stupid comments again.

Sadly, she'll just think I'm some overweight woman with an issue with women who want to be thin.

ReallyFuckingFedUp · 16/06/2014 14:02

allhail I clicked on the link and read "breastfeeding graduate" Shock and thought it was some nightmare story about a college student who was still being breastfed.

NO just a woman getting a torrent of abuse for feeding her baby.

It is infuriating.

The amount of times I have wanted to scream in to the internet,

"It is a fucking baby, they drink milk!"

allhailqueenmab · 16/06/2014 14:57

But what a gorgeous photo! I found that particular post about it really uplifting. That woman has all the bases covered: degree; gorgeous baby; bf-ing gorgeous baby with big smile; and matching watch and baby-outfit. Seriously, what can that woman not do? Made me really smile! (and that's a big thing for me today)

ReallyFuckingFedUp · 16/06/2014 16:04

Oh it is a beautiful photo, just a shame to see something so positive turned bad by the internet yet again.

Sorry you're having such a bay day allhail Cake

www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/pregnant-teen-dubbed-britains-worst-3703044 How does everyone feel about this story?

DoctorTwo · 16/06/2014 18:20

queenmab that is a beautiful photo, what an inspiring woman she is.

Fucking hell RFFU, that poor woman. It appears from the article the judge is blaming her for her shit upbringing. Sad Put in prison for no reason other than the judge's prejudice is wrong imo.

PacificDogwood · 16/06/2014 21:09

Thank you for that photos and all it represents Smile (not the shit-storm directed against her, but what that young woman has achieved)

UptoapointLordCopper · 17/06/2014 09:23

Hello. No feminist insights here. Just a bit bored ...