Does anyone know much about the rape process?

[HeartHotWaterBottle]

I can't sleep and am in a state of terror about all this. Basically I had an incident last year where I was chatting to a married man (I am single) and he followed me home and raped/assaulted me.

I didn't report it but tried to pretend it was a one night stand. Eventually I got really angry and asked the police if I would be out of order to warn the place where he was staying. I wasn't expecting them to insist on taking me to the police station and after that do a video interview. There wasn't enough to go on so it wasn't going to go further. However he came back for me this year late at night (I wasn't there, fortunately) and so the case is reopened.

I googled an old rape thread on here and am now absolutely petrified.

I'm starting to want it to not progress it and I have told the police that my main goal is that I don't want him anywhere near my old house (I left after that, it really destroyed my world) but they can actually arrest you for that? And if it goes to trial they will pull you to pieces?

I guess the main features with this are that:

• I was drunk
• I wasn't wearing anything provocative
• No forensics
• I tried to pretend it was a one night thing at first, it took me a few days to start to try to talk to friends
• There weren't any witnesses/CCTV because of the time lapse
• I went through MH problems with bereavement
• I'm having counselling via a rape centre
• He doesn't have a record
• He is married with kids, weirdly enough I trusted him because of that, he was talking about his wife's PND so we ended up talking for ages. I wasn't expecting him to follow me home.

I am so, so scared now and wish I had never agreed to go down the police station

In one the so called suspect was able to prove hed been nowhere near where his accuser said

The other was disproved by cctv & Mobile phones She had spent all her money and was looking for a free lift home

My colleagues are pretty good at determining who's withdrawn their allegation due to fear etc and who is giving a story with so many holes in it you could drive a bus through it.

Noone is saying reporting an assualt to your partner doesn't mean its not happened. All im saying is over the years Ive seen it happen many times that its been used as a cover up for a one night stand.

the way we work is everyone who alleges sexual assault or rape is treated as 100% genuine til its shown otherwise. Everyone gets the same treatment and facilities & things like scene preservation, checking cctv, forensics are done

Just right She made the allegation assuming that there was no way officers would leave a rape victim to go home alone and would take her home in a patrol car

Sorry my post wasnt awful clear - I knew what I meamt

Sadly so many cases cant go to trial due to lack of evidence. Lack of evidence in no way means you're not believed. I've seen some of my colleagues upset and angry on victims behalf believing them 100% and knowing themselves they have the right suspect but being let down by the system

Theyll fully investigate regardless of their opinion. As I said everyone is treated as genuine until it comes to light theyre not.

in that girls case we had evidence almost before she got to the station that she was lying.

Believe me as I said every one gets treated as genuine from the moment the calls received

Derail, feel free. I didn't react very well when it happened to me so would be slightly relieved if my case didn't go further, but it's on the map, so to speak, but it would be good if more women were aware of what the process is like when this happens.

Has anyone read the other thread? It was horrific. Most people said they wouldn't report unless it was extremely clear cut.

I was trying to think about how this sort of thing could be handled better and the only thing I could think of would be that as it's a particularly delicate crime then anonymity should be granted to the perpetrator unless they are found guilty. It would stop all this misogyny about 'tainting a good man's name' being of the predominant importance and also encourage women to come forward.

The woman who did the video interview did say 'but we have to believe everyone', which I understand.

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/mar/13/false-allegations-rape-domestic-violence-rare

so, the police, CPS etc don't assume women are lying

good luck op, call Rape Crisis for support and info

you're doing OK

After the second attempt to visit can you not pursue any harassment/ restraining order type avenues?

And this is why I didn't report. I was 15. Got into his lorry. No one was going to believe me. Thanks for confirming that. I have always blamed myself for the fact that he also raped a couple of my friends.

OP Rape Crisis are really good. They don't judge.

I think the point is, that they won't be. Unless their case is bloody watertight. Like, witnesses, CCTV. Because, from what the police officer on the thread has said, unless you have those, then you're fucked.

BreakingDad apparently not - that was the point at which I went mental at the police.

He followed me home and barged in and pushed me to the floor (first incidence). I reacted really badly, I know, so I was relieved it was dropped.

Second incidence when he turned up at nearly midnight dressed all in black - and unfortunately for him got my mother who went ballistic and chased him off, which does make me laugh in a weird sort of way, because my mother can be scary when she gets angry - they are being crap.

Oh god who knows, but if they try to do me for 'malicious intent' I would go insane.

CaptChaos I know that; I would be still relieved if it doesn't go anywhere second time round.

It's on his record now though, isn't it? It's my fault I didn't react 'properly'. I don't want this to happen to anyone else though as so far as talking about it helps.

Heart you need to get this idea out of your head that you're going to get in bother. You havent lied or made anything up. If you decide to cancel the whole thing now thats totally your perogative. Youre not going to get charged. YOURE the victim.

its your call if you want to proceed. Whatever you decide the police will help you.

Have you told them your mum was there? Has she given a statement. Youve got a witness to the 2nd incident thats a definite good thing

I'm currently going through reporting a rape to the police. I gave an initial statement then went back and have a longer one. Send me a pm if you want any more information.

Bullets I can only apologise for that if I could edit it I would. it came out completely wrong and as I say I apologise for that.

Believe me I take any report seriously. Im expecting a court citation soon for a rape where I spent ages on the phone to a hysterical and traumatised rape victim trying to calm her down and find out where she was hiding. despite other things Ive dealt with I couldnt get her out my head for ages. Shes one I wont ever forget

Just do you think they would have taken it as far as they did with MC if it had just been one person reporting? Or if Yewtree wasn't underway?

Arkina yes they know my Mum was there, and told her not to chase off any strange men again for her own safety. They don't know my mother, she would have battered him around the head with a gardening stick if she had the chance. And got away with it she would have been furious if anyone challenged her right with a gardening stick.

It's a grey area, unfortunately. I chatted to him about his family and my own family deaths then tried to detach to go home and he started waddling like a duck alongside me and employing dominance techniques ("all men hit women") before he barged into my mother's house and pushed me over by the front door.

If I get prosecuted for this I will go mental though.