Does anyone know much about the rape process?

[HeartHotWaterBottle]

I can't sleep and am in a state of terror about all this. Basically I had an incident last year where I was chatting to a married man (I am single) and he followed me home and raped/assaulted me.

I didn't report it but tried to pretend it was a one night stand. Eventually I got really angry and asked the police if I would be out of order to warn the place where he was staying. I wasn't expecting them to insist on taking me to the police station and after that do a video interview. There wasn't enough to go on so it wasn't going to go further. However he came back for me this year late at night (I wasn't there, fortunately) and so the case is reopened.

I googled an old rape thread on here and am now absolutely petrified.

I'm starting to want it to not progress it and I have told the police that my main goal is that I don't want him anywhere near my old house (I left after that, it really destroyed my world) but they can actually arrest you for that? And if it goes to trial they will pull you to pieces?

I guess the main features with this are that:

• I was drunk
• I wasn't wearing anything provocative
• No forensics
• I tried to pretend it was a one night thing at first, it took me a few days to start to try to talk to friends
• There weren't any witnesses/CCTV because of the time lapse
• I went through MH problems with bereavement
• I'm having counselling via a rape centre
• He doesn't have a record
• He is married with kids, weirdly enough I trusted him because of that, he was talking about his wife's PND so we ended up talking for ages. I wasn't expecting him to follow me home.

I am so, so scared now and wish I had never agreed to go down the police station

|t's all over now, apparently it won't be progressed. I am slightly relieved. I won't get prosecuted.

I still have some queries with the police but that's the extent of it.

Hope you are OK

Kind of, thank you doctrine lflowers]

I still need to know why they thought it was ok that he went back last month. I'm glad it's all over though.

oops I meant

If they have decided not to progress, it should be because they are not confident of getting a conviction rather than anything to do with them thinking something was OK.

I hope you get the answers that you need

As I said everyone is treated as genuine until it comes to light theyre not.

Jesus wept. I hope you meant "unless."

OP, things have moved on at the trial end at least with new guidelines on cross examination. At least in theory barristers are not allowed to go on the attack - and as social attitudes move (glacially slowly) forwards, they tend to lose the jury's sympathy if they do.

There is support out there for the trial process, the trouble is that victims have to go out and find it rather than it being offered as routine.

I really don't know about any of this - I'm still really uncertain. I have the NHS for 4 more months so that will help. I found my counsellor very good.

It's on the map though, isn't it? He is there. He can't take that away.

Yes Posy

I wasn't allowed to be asked certain questions.

His barrister asked if i liked to have sex outdoors and the judge adjourned the court for the day. The following day she wasn't allowed to ask.

Just

It's a long wait isn't it?

It was over 2 days. About 8 hours in total.

But they did say that was quite long. They expected it to be shorter.

Mine was the same. But after me, and the women who i was out with that night and the police woman who looked after me, had been on the stand - he changed his plea to guilty. Nob.

Have you thought about whether you will do a video link or be in the actual court?

I am so so sorry you are going through this.

Oh - and i was on the stand for 8 hours, just to clarify. The trial was about a week..

Well you sound really strong. And the anger helps with the cross examination. I had to try and put a lid on it as i sometimes sounded really...erm...bolshey? And was worried it work against me with the jury.

I was in court but with a screen. I thought, for me, it was important for them to see me as a real person. Although i totally understand why people can't.

I did notice that the jury avoided my eye contact. Whereas my friends said they stared right at them. I think they felt uncomfortable - i always felt like they believed me.

Wow. So glad they caught him. Did you think he would never be found?

Mine was a stranger, but the complete dick left me and went and got in a taxi covered in my blood. So the taxi place had his address.