Does anyone know much about the rape process?

[HeartHotWaterBottle]

I can't sleep and am in a state of terror about all this. Basically I had an incident last year where I was chatting to a married man (I am single) and he followed me home and raped/assaulted me.

I didn't report it but tried to pretend it was a one night stand. Eventually I got really angry and asked the police if I would be out of order to warn the place where he was staying. I wasn't expecting them to insist on taking me to the police station and after that do a video interview. There wasn't enough to go on so it wasn't going to go further. However he came back for me this year late at night (I wasn't there, fortunately) and so the case is reopened.

I googled an old rape thread on here and am now absolutely petrified.

I'm starting to want it to not progress it and I have told the police that my main goal is that I don't want him anywhere near my old house (I left after that, it really destroyed my world) but they can actually arrest you for that? And if it goes to trial they will pull you to pieces?

I guess the main features with this are that:

• I was drunk
• I wasn't wearing anything provocative
• No forensics
• I tried to pretend it was a one night thing at first, it took me a few days to start to try to talk to friends
• There weren't any witnesses/CCTV because of the time lapse
• I went through MH problems with bereavement
• I'm having counselling via a rape centre
• He doesn't have a record
• He is married with kids, weirdly enough I trusted him because of that, he was talking about his wife's PND so we ended up talking for ages. I wasn't expecting him to follow me home.

I am so, so scared now and wish I had never agreed to go down the police station

I was taken to see the court beforehand so that i knew what to expect.

The judge knew i smoked and would send someone down to take me to a roof terrace to have a fag as i wasn't allowed outside. He was ace.

I know, that is so hard. I don't know how i would feel right now if he hadn't been sentenced.

Bullets we're here with you. We will be a virtual hand hold if you want that. Ha Wowsers you and your nicotine encouraging Judge!

It's been such a huge eye opener, some men and their stupid fucking penises. Thank heavens for the good ones.

I think hubawuva might be slightly trolly. Who on earth goes for compensation?? The loss of dignity and feeling of mistrust is key. You had thought the world was a safe place then you have some bastard violate your world.

I've learnt quite a lot from this experience.

And the RAGE. Perhaps everyone is nicer than me and I certainly wouldn't go outside and kick a lamppost but I feel huge rage that he thought his stupid little penis was important and something to wield against women.

And the density about sexual health. I've always been so careful. Ok I'll go and make a cup of tea and try to calm down now.

Hi OP,

Very sorry for your experience. I am a criminal barrister who prosecutes and defends in sex cases and just wanted to let you know I would be happy to answer any questions you have - either on here or via PM.

summer my case isn't going to go any further now - as soon as I'm a bit more stable I will question that with police. I'm relieved and at the same time a bit fucked off.

Thank you for offering though and I may well pm you. Might be helpful for Bullets.

Sorry - I think I got you and Bullets a bit confused! Anyway, my offer still stands for any advice or questions anyone may have.

I can understand your mixed feelings about this. What I say to lots of complainants (I hate the word victim for a number of reasons) is that by making the complaint and having him arrested you have set down a marker to him - this is unacceptable.

For a few minutes or hours or days, he was contemplating going to prison for several years. Yes, that may not have been the outcome, but you have already got your power back.

I have experienced a relatively minor sexual assault personally and was amazed by how shook up I was by it. I thought because I was in the trade I would be somehow immune - but my sense of anger and violation was very real.

Hello BraveHeart (for that is what you are).

Can you not ask the RCC for assistance in a restraining order to keep him away in future?

I believe you. I often talk with my male friends about issues that are close to their heart. They don't follow me home and rape me. He primed you so you would feel conflicted about the reality of what he did to you.

Mignonette when I was going a bit crazy with police after he returned (I assume to overpower me again? Who knows, I would like to hear what he said directly from police in due course, IF they can tell me) they said restraining orders were a civil matter. I was surprised at that myself. Thank you for your nice wishes!

Bullets agree with you about sex/rape. I still feel annoyed at the sexual health aspect though. I loathe getting tested and it's something which could potentially damage your reproductive organs, I don't think I'd have a child now but I still feel protective about STDs.

Yeah i had to go two or three times. My Dad took me.
I was offered the anti rets but was advised they would make me feel really awful. I already had a few injuries so didn't take them. It was the right decision at the time for me. Looking back - i think i would take them.

They all came back negative btw. I just mean i may have taken them if i had the time again.