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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Why is slut dressing cool?

170 replies

Hullygully · 03/10/2013 15:44

I don't get this.

I get that everyone should dress as they like/not be judged on appearance/not be victim blamed etc

I get all that

What I don't get is why women dressing in a way MEN deem sexually attractive: short skirt, tits hanging out, monster unwalkable in heels = empowering.

It's nonsense.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hullygully · 03/10/2013 19:56

I'll try to be clearer, I probably wasn't being clear.

I understand the objection to the word slut. But if use of the word is based on a particular personal presentation that everyone understand, and therefore knows what in common culture it denotes, what is dressing like it about?

Is it really saying, I can have my tits out, a skirt as short as a belt etc etc because I think it looks nice, the end? I just can't buy it.

All those things are connoted with sexual availability, so is it saying I want to look like someone who is sexually available by the codes of my dress, but I'm not so fuck off? And if so, what's the point?

What is it about?

OP posts:
quirrelquarrel · 03/10/2013 19:59

And why, OP, is slut shaming cool?

shame on you Wink

NoComet · 03/10/2013 20:01

I think young women dress like this because it gives them a feeling off confidence and power, our sixth form girls are awful for equating short and tight with grown up.

In fact I think the effect it has is the complete opposite. To me the outfits they wear say, I'm still a little school girl rebelling against the system and/or I'm looking for a boy friend.

They certainly don't same I'm a mature young woman who wants to go to university and get a career, even though I know they do.

It really worries me that we expect men to treat us as equals when so many women take this, caricature, of feminine power into adulthood.

Worst still don't only don't they grow out of it themselves, but they pressure other woman into muddling up smart and sexy too. High heels and lots of make up is not smart business dress, it's going clubbing dress.

It makes us look foolish not powerful and plays straight into the misogamists hands.

StickEmUp · 03/10/2013 20:34

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YouMakeMeWannaLaLa · 03/10/2013 20:37

When I see 'over-done-up' girls I think 'do they really think they look good like that?'...And the answer is yes, of course they do, or they wouldn't dress that way.

Conforming is really important to most people, especially young people. There is pressure from peers and media to look grown-up and slebby.

Why else do you think they do it? Do you really think they are deliberately propping up the patriarchy Grin Or are they just responding to society, doing what they think is expected of them and getting ripped to shreds for it from all sides.

LEMisdisappointed · 03/10/2013 20:38

So what you are basically saying then, that these women who dress um, in a way to appear sexually confident? are only doing it to get mens attention then?............its not many steps in the direction of "shes asking for it" really is it

I don't dress that way, i don't have the figure for it, but if i did, i would. My DD dresses for her, she is into 50s retro, she puts alot of effort into the way she looks, she looks fucking stunning and i daresay she gets approving looks from men - anyone who wants to call her a slut can fuck off to the far side of fuck. Most people however tell her she looks amazing - which she does. She doesn't dress that way all the time - she doesn't dress like it for work, or when she plays paintball, or just when she is slumming around, but she enjoys "getting dressed up". Shes 23 and a beautiful young woman who probably wouldn't give a fuck what anyone thinks anyway.

ReviewsOffers · 03/10/2013 20:45

I don't think so LEM. I don't think anyone would say that.

as i said upthread I think the issue is muddled because dressing extremely 'provocatively' is fashionable. So someone may be expressing their sexuality or expressing their love of fashion.

What is interesting is why fashion is so hypersexualised. twas ever thus, sure.

Nothing wrong with dressing sexy, and expressing that side of yourself. But I do think if that's the only side of yourself you express, well it's a bit shallow. The reason why that is the only side you emphasise is worthy of analysis, I think.

There's more to all of us than that. Like your daughter, she expresses the athletic side of herself (if that is indeed what clothes do ) when she is on her way to play paintball.

MrsWolowitz · 03/10/2013 20:47

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LEMisdisappointed · 03/10/2013 20:51

I think i stand by my earlier comment - and not being judged by other women...........

My DD is pretty unconventional in the way she looks, she is probably judged by women too most likely they are jealous

MurderOfBanshees · 03/10/2013 20:51

Everyone likes different things, if we all liked the same stuff it'd get dull really quick.

Maybe some do it because they think it'll make men happy.
Maybe some do it because they think they have to.
Maybe some just like it.

I know I used to wear the super high heels (I mostly bought fetish footwear, so really high) because I actually liked the way they felt on, odd as it may seem I found them more comfortable than "sensible" shoes.

I also liked how they looked.

Probably there was an element of social conditioning there too, who knows, but I did definitely enjoy how they felt to wear.

BangOn · 03/10/2013 20:52

whole lotta sisterhood on this thread.

words like 'slutty', 'trashy' etc shouldn't be part of a feminist's vocabulary.

MurderOfBanshees · 03/10/2013 20:53

Should say, I would still wear the shoes if I didn't have health problems that make walking even barefoot uncomfortable for me. I still own a lot of the shoes though, and look at them wistfully every now and then.

ReviewsOffers · 03/10/2013 20:54

But of course we are judged by other women!

Everyone judges everyone - ridiculous to think otherwise.

Nobody dresses just for themselves unless they carry a full length mirror with them at all times so they are the ones getting the visual stimulation from their look.

If you care about what you wear there is a huge element of making an impression on others. How could there not be?

theyoniwayisnorthwards · 03/10/2013 20:54

I imagine every woman who dresses revealingly does it for her own specific reasons.

When I was younger I sometimes dressed in very short skirts. I did this because I really liked my legs, I thought they looked good and I wanted to show them off and enjoy attention and admiration.

I also like attention and admiration for my mind, my soul and my character. I think that's pretty human.

MrsWolowitz · 03/10/2013 20:54

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LEMisdisappointed · 03/10/2013 20:55

MurderofBanshees - thankyou - a very sensible post!

I used to wear stupidly high shoes back in the 80s, i must admit i look at some of the shoes today and boggle, they look almost impossible to wear :) I would be in A&E before the evening was out im sure if i wore them Grin I definately go for the more comfy look these days but i miss my killer heels

ReviewsOffers · 03/10/2013 20:55

have you any contribution to make BangOn? or just a snide little aside

LEMisdisappointed · 03/10/2013 20:57

Sorry, but i really think discussing the look IS being judgey, it is judging how someone chooses to dress, therefor judging their choices and by definition judging them.

What is it that you actually feel about women who dress sexily?

Don't get me wrong, i do not like seeing young girls dressed provocatively, that is a different issue, but a beautiful, confident woman - good for her. Even the woman who can't really carry it off - so what, so long as shes happy with it.

MurderOfBanshees · 03/10/2013 20:58

LEM I occasionally put my high heels on and just sit there, enjoying the sensation and wishing I could get up and dance. Grin Though I have discovered Doc Martens are quite comfy now, so that helps ease it a little!

BellEndTent · 03/10/2013 20:59

I'm not against short/tightly fitted clothing. I'm proud of my body, it's strong and fit and womanly and I like looking like this so I don't generally hide it away. I wouldn't wear shoes I couldn't walk in or anything uncomfortable or inappropriate but I don't feel demeaned if people notice my body in what I'm wearing.

BOF · 03/10/2013 20:59

The thing is though, feminism is a pretty broad church, and one wing of it "reclaims" the language of oppression, hence Reclaim The Night walks being renamed Slut Walks in some places. I don't think that you can automatically assume that somebody using the word does not identify themselves as a feminist. It's going to depend on the context, surely? Not that you have to agree with it, of course.

LEMisdisappointed · 03/10/2013 21:01

Review - yes we all judge, but what i am reading on this thread is quite disturbing really. You must not dress in a provocative way, it means you are only doing so to attract male attention, oh and you are shallow too (someone up thread said that) etc etc. Then people are getting upset because people are using the words slut and trashy Hmm

MrsWolowitz · 03/10/2013 21:01

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Original poster
Hullygully · 03/10/2013 21:03

I don't care how anyone dresses, or their daughters!

None of that interests me.

What interests me is the tension between the reclamation of "slut" as a word, and the dressing in the attendant uniform and what that means and why.

OP posts:
LEMisdisappointed · 03/10/2013 21:04

Now Doc Martens i have to pull you on im afraid - they are implements of torture until broken in, its like some sort of initiation test surely - I have been looking longinly at a pair recently but i know they will KILL the backs of my leg and just like I have given up on the killer heel, i have also resigned myself to a lack of DM. I may as well just trot off to clarks and be done with it