maninism/mens rights!!

[jiveturkey]

why are good loving fathers not given equal rights, why are we forced to spend thousands and go through lengthy court battles for the right to be a father to our own children all because the mother is so selfish and self centered that she can decide to do this with no regard for her childs happiness and future well-being just because she can out of spite and nastiness towards her ex partner. Many thousands of men have not been allowed to see or speak to their children for weeks or years and many simply cannot afford to continue their legal pursuit and are forced to give up for this exact reason. And yet these women have the audacity to call them themselves mothers, its laughable they are barely human beings.
Fathers are EQUALY important as mothers yet the law and some women's attitudes do not seem to reflect this. I know of a man who did everything he could to be part of his childs life, paid 36,000 in csa payments and was forced to have little contact with that child,then 10 years after she was born, rumours came out that that child wasnt his, a dna test confirmed this! Her motive? GREED, it is an all to common story, so many "mums" do not even consider how keeping their childs father out of their lives affects them in the the short and long term without even mentioning its moraly wrong. Any mum who takes there children away from there dad. doesn't deserve the bloody title! OUR children is the only way you can hurt us, which is why you use them as weapons and pawns in your sick twisted games, so how about you grow up realise life is too short, and that your children's happiness is actually MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR OWN! you may have your children now when they are young but i promise you you'll lose them when they learn the truth they will NEVER forgive you for destroying their special relationship with their dad and ensuring they had a s**t childhood, and let that be on your conscience,not that you have one or a soul or a heart or brain.
So stop punishing your children let their dads have access to them as much as you do, that is called EQUALITY.
this rant is aimed at all the dead beat"mums", i realise and recognise that the majority of mums are amazing and do the right thing by their kids by letting their father play a prominent role in their lives, as it should be. And obviously not all dads are worthy of that title either but i'm not talking about them i have as much respect for them as i do for these women that my comments are directed at.
Il be here waiting for your comments i felt it necessary to voice these facts in the lion's den so to speak, we need to be heard, fathers NEED equal rights.

@Xenia,
so you say we should all work our way up the career ladder before having kids? Is that just one tiny jot a bit elitist?
The world was a very different place 28 years ago, I'm not sure how you compare it to life today?
Not everyone is capable of running departments or wants to work up the career ladder.

So any news here? Bloke makes an inflammatory post. Mners deconstruct it and question it. Bloke gets huffy.
Yawn.

My exp is probably boasting right Joe about he forced me to allow contact with our dc by taking me to court whereas the truth is more like I stopped him seeing them on one single occasion because he was v threatening and the contact resumed prior to the court date plus the fact it was all negotiated before we even saw a magistrate and there has been no breaches. He wasn't even 'awarded' contact either - I wrote a proposal and he agreed to it. Prior to that he stated he only wanted weekend contact every other week - presume he disnt want it to interfere with his social life

Exp can, for short periods, just about cope with dc in the provision of care sense. He has proved repeatedly he cannot actually parent.

tiredtrout you make some good point im sorry i missed your post i believe you should have to pay maintenance no matter what but its seems unfair if you pay and do everything you can to be in the childs life and have always been a loving father and partner only to be left out and forcefully excluded from that childs life. if you are willing and the mother chooses to exclude you out of spite and discontent then i believe the if you want me to pay like a father then treat me like a father saying stands wouldn't you agree?
and i disagree with your remark "going somewhere luxurious as Xenia suggests is the only way"
im sure she doesn't mean it like that. but thankyou for your constructive opinions

Before you go- what was your point?

"He wasn't even 'awarded' contact either - I wrote a proposal and he agreed to it."
well crak that makes you a lovely mother and him a crap dad, but not at men are like him just like all women aren't like you.

@JT
and you don't think the current system doesn't have this at heart?
I'm sure when the current legislation was drawn up it wasn't by a covern of witches who thought they'd just make a fathers life living hell.
The current legislation isn't working as it appears in your case and other fathers that it has allowed the mother to have 'more' rights.
Perhaps it is simply a case of legislation passed with the best intention but is no longer suited to our current domestic arrangements.
Perhaps it would be better for you to look at supporting a change to the curent system.

Your point?

So you're assuming the judge, court officers, people in a position of authority will be men? That's interesting.

How do you imagine they will respond if you behave like you have done on here? Have a think about that. Because if you get this wound up by a bunch of strangers on the internet to the point where you are screaming incoherent abuse you aren't going to cope very well in court.

I've been through the courts myself so I know what it's like.

You miss my point. He isn't a crap Dad but he is limited in his abilities-not that it might not improve.

What I'm saying is that I know he would spout freely about this perceived gross injustice and how he had to take me to court etc to fight for his rights - whereas if he'd been less aggressive and more co operative in the first place it would have been sorted out. When I hear men bleating about this subject and how the mothers use the kids as a weapon and blah - i do raise an eyebrow and think - ok, I'll hear the other parents side before I cast judgement.

seeker i wanted to understand your general views and attitudes to equal rights concerning parenting i felt it important that i took into account both female and male point of views to try and discover why no action is being taken and why our children are being failed. my son is my whole world, and i refuse to let him grow up without his father, i refuse to have his precious childhood ruined, and i refuse to allow him to grow resenting his mother because she kept us apart. i dedicate all my spare time trawling the internet trying to find answers to my questions and researching parental alienation and the effects it has on children throughout there adult life, because its all i can do whilst waiting for the system to its thing.
so i would let to thank all of you for voicing your opinions i appreciate it and have the up most respesct for the vast majority of mums who do whats right by their children leaving their personal feelings aside ( obviously within reason ) you are an inspiration to allparents male or female.

you are being very narrow minded crack it sounds to me me like you've already made your mind up with your attitude without going over to the other side and asking, which is what im doing with this thread, im being open minded listening to all your opinions and will draw a conclusion at the end

So what are the reasons your ex partner has given to the court which resulted in them denying you reasonable access?

Is this how to talk to all women?

Clearly you know best jive.

I think people will draw their own conclusions.

seeker i wish i can tell you that i simply dont know at this moment in time, aweek after she disappeared her friend came round to collect her things and told me she said she had every intention of letting me see him 8 months later not even a word, but will be interesting to know her reason and il let u know seeker

I've never really understood this parental alienation thing. If I suggest a view to my chidlren they are much much more likely to take the opposite view. I have clever objective children perhaps because they have always had working parents so they are independent and do well. Perhaps the main problem is that caused by the housewife model?

What of course livet can do if the child is at school is go to all the parents' evenings and other parent events. That alone surely is possible.

I have never said having money solves thing but most people earn about £20k and if the wife earns nothing then it's very hard to manage after divorec. If you both earn £20k then it's much easier thus not giving up careers ensures life is a bit easier and also fairer as child has not seen woman as servant to man living of male earnings but has seen two equal adults both delighting in their careers and home life.

Given we have this problem of some women and a few men denying contact the issue is how to find ways to solve that given the court process does not work for some men. One answer is to attend all school events. The other is if the child does not want contact to find out why. Some parents rae so horrible the child just doesn't want to know them. Some make life too hard. Most teenagers don't want to leave their bedrooms at times never mind see a non resident parent. I think my chidlren's father has cancelled seeing them every Sunday until today for about 2 months - well more fool him and no one seems to mind but and I'm almost laughing as I type but it is not really the way to build bonds, is it?

I haven't really worked out the poster's issue -is it that the child has not been allowed to see the parent for 8 monthso r that the child doesn't want to see the parent? Also how old is the child as that has a bearing.

My comment about bribery was just common sense. If daddy is offering you and your school friends a free week in a villa in Spain you might well take him up on it unless you really do hate him.

Also try to think of what the mother can get out of your having some contact with the child adn find out her reasons for not wanting you to have it and work perhaps with a psychologist to think of interesting ways to try to solve the issues.

I have no idea what you hoped to achieve with this thread.

You say you want opinions but to what end? Is it a general chat? Or an excuse to spew your filthy language?

I can tell you for absolute certainty that if this is how you behave in real life you shouldn't be near any child until you've done some serious anger management therapy.

I suggest you do some serious growing while you're at it.

anyways thankyou ladies for your valuable contributions, it been interesting, and quite fun.
iam now retiring. and i hope this thread makes alot of you realise that some of you do blindly and automatically side with women, without asking why, you just go straight into attack mode, opem your minds and hearts and happiness will prevail.
see you on the flip side !

I have read this whole thread and I now need botox to relieve my frown induced headache

If you wanted a general discussion about parental alienation you could have had one. But it took 200 posts to get to your point.

OP you are so angry that you cannot separate out your emotions from your argument. I cannot even think about the scenario of someone taking my baby away. It is too hard.

You would get sympathy and advice if you posted honestly and coherently about your issue without resorting to abuse. You need to think about what you want to get out of Mumsnet.

If you want a general discussion you should try to keep your bile out of it, as you will then be able to give space to posters to express their thoughts.

I would have thought that the default position is to assume that parents do put their children's happiness above their own. But in real life, I don't think they do. In my experience parents do what is best for themselves because they think they know what is best for the child and they are incapable of seeing it from a more objective viewpoint.

oh, now that's unfair OP to assume that all trolling twats are men.

Jive - stating I would want to hear both sides of a story before casting judgement is the opposite of being narrow minded.

What you seem to want is us all to concur that men are given a hard time by the mothers of their children. I refuse to believe this is the case in a blanket way, any more than I believe that all men are feckless and evil.

Jive you have failed in this thread.

I will sweetie. Just as soon as you get them back from your ex.