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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

I don't appear to have the typical female experience I'd be interested in what some of you have to say

269 replies

hathorinareddress69 · 16/04/2012 14:19

Not a thread about a thread but on another thread I realised that I don't seem to have had the typical female experience, and I just wondered what you thought (since LRD suggested this was not a scary place)

I don't seem to have had the experiences that some of the feminists have - I don't feel the need to share with females, I never had a man leer or wolf whistle or try to look up my skirt.

My best friend is a man and I can (and do) discuss anything with him and he does with me.

Am I that abnormal?

OP posts:
hathorkicksass · 18/04/2012 18:33

Quite obviously you have no idea how offensive, dismissive and critical your post above to me sounds.

And I was not, and would never, glibly trivialise the suffering of others.

hathorkicksass · 18/04/2012 18:39

And you said no one would know what the OP meant unless they were the OP.

I have repeatedly explained and apologised, and shared my personal experience.

You said

"Well three bloody cheers for you and your dontfuckwithmevibe. if you could turn just a tiny smidge of empathy toward the many many many women who have been sexually assaulted you might perhaps see that it had fuck all to do with their attitude and everthing to do with there being a rapist/sexual assaulter in the vicinity"

I did say it had to do with the attitude of the attacker.

You also said my comment was crap and dismissive. I have explained, repeatedly, that is not what I meant and I have apologised, repeatedly, for any offence, as a newbie posting in here, that I may inadvertently have caused.

What more do you want from me?

Do you want to know in graphic detail what my life was like?

Would that make my experiences valid and gain some empathy and sympathy from you?

Would you like to know what it is like to be dragged around by your hair?

Would you like to know what it is like to be raped so often and so brutally that you have internal damage that requires stitches?

Would you like to know what it feels like to be so scared that you lock yourself in the bathroom?

Would you like to know what it feels like to be beaten so hard you cannot move and have to cover your face with make up and drag yourself to the car and make small talk at the school?

What more do you want from me?

hathorkicksass · 18/04/2012 18:41

And you said your heart was pounding.

You should think about how aggressive you sounded in your posts and how they might be read by the person to whom you are directing your anger and how they might make that person feel.

Because my heart was more than pounding.

chibi · 18/04/2012 18:47

The bit about not knowing what the op meant was directed at another poster who was presuming to speak to you, i was not suggesting you don't understand your own posts

i don't want to know the details of what you experienced, nor will i be sharing mine with yoi. do you see it as some kind of competition, the most abused person has the most valid feelings? i found your posts glib, and offensive, and latterly, agressive. i am allowed to veel that way despite your insistence that you didn't mean it.

i accept that you are sorry for causing offense, and that you were posting in good faith. i do not want anything from you, except perhaps to avoid jokey winky posts when talking avbut sexual assault. as you yourself have posted, we are all affected differently, and there is no uniform response to sexual assault. some people will think glib jokes are ok, others will be offended, and while one position is not more correct than another, perhaps a response to finding you have caused pain is not to get agressive.

or not. i rather doubt we will.see eye to eye here.

chibi · 18/04/2012 18:49

Sorry that should read presuming to speak for you, not to you, as in 'i think hathor means etc etc'

hathorkicksass · 18/04/2012 18:53

But I have apologised.

Repeatedly.

I won't repeat the mistake.

And you kept and keep on going and going and going at me.

I ended up in tears last night over your posts. Sitting here shaking. Being sick.

I didn't sleep last night at all. Despite a cocktail of drugs.

And it's in no way a competition and you're wrong to say I in any way think that one experience trumps another.

And you caused me pain. And you were aggressive.

So you're not the only one who gets affected by stuff on here.

hathorkicksass · 18/04/2012 18:53

And you kept going and going and going - and I apologised to you. Over and over.

You haven't apologised to me.

chibi · 18/04/2012 19:04

I'm sorry if me being critical of a post i found glib upset you. i am sorry if you found it aggressive.

i do not apologise for finding your post glib, nor do i need to justify it, any more than i suppose you need to justify being so upset at being criticised that you were sick.

i am sorry you were so upset by me finding your posts glib and offensive that you needed a cocktail of drugs to sleep.

i really don't know what else you want. your glib post provoked a hurting woman who reacted very critically, and you now want, what exactly? Sad

hathorkicksass · 18/04/2012 19:06

You said you were upset.

I apologised.

You would not let it go.

You attacked me in your posts and made assumptions about me.

You are not the only person who is hurting and your attacking posts provoked me.

chibi · 18/04/2012 19:08

the only assumption i made was that you were the kind of person who was ok making glib jokey posts about being assaulted. i did not at any point speculate about your experiences.

hathorkicksass · 18/04/2012 19:10

Even after I had apologised you kept going.

What more do you want? Blood?

chibi · 18/04/2012 19:11

what do you want?

ok, a person can say maybe i've not been assaulted cos of my attitude Wink and i will henceforth find it hilarious? ok then hathor, fine.Sad

hathorkicksass · 18/04/2012 19:12

That's not what I am saying.

I am saying I have apologised.

Repeatedly.

Over.

Over.

And over.

What more can I do?

Why are you so Angry just with me?

I am new to this board.

I made an ill-judged comment.

For which I have apologised. Until I am blue in the face.

What more can I do?

hathorkicksass · 18/04/2012 19:14

And for the record, your assumption was wrong. It wasn't a glib jokey post about being assaulted.

It was a comment directed at myself, not anyone else.

As, again, I have said repeatedly.

And I have apologised.

It was misjudged, but there was no malice in it.

What more can I do?

chibi · 18/04/2012 19:14

I have accepted that you feel sorry and that you were posting in good faith several posts back. What do you with your badgering and your me me me my pain me me want from me?

i am feeling v attacked here. is that what you're aiming for? Sad

hathorkicksass · 18/04/2012 19:16

Pot.

Kettle.

You are attacking me.

Sad
hathorkicksass · 18/04/2012 19:16

And I never ever said that I wanted you to do anything.

I asked you what more I could do.

I have apologised.

I have said I won't post anything like that ever ever again.

What more can I do?

chibi · 18/04/2012 19:19

i really don't see how, i am only saying thwhy i reacted, and that i found your post glib. am i not allowed to feel that way? do you often experience criticism so violently?

hathorkicksass · 18/04/2012 19:32

That isn't all you said though, is it?

hathorkicksass · 18/04/2012 19:35

And before you jumped all over my ill-judged post I had already posted to say

"hathorinareddress69 Mon 16-Apr-12 17:06:56
No I don't for one second think that it's anything to do with me that I haven't been assaulted that I'm better than anyone who has - please don't think that.

I don't for one second think anyone who has been is over-sensitive.

I was just commenting that the female experiences referred to on the other thread were not my personal experience.

I did not and would not judge anyone or think I was better than anyone else (and if you've been on threads I've been on in the last few days I think I've demonstrated that but if I haven't I'm happy to be corrected)"

Before you even posted.

chibi · 18/04/2012 19:48

You just keep attacking and attacking and attacking, after i have apologised, explained, i really don't know what else i can do. I am glad i am feeling stronger today, your relentless pursuit of (not sure what?Confused) is v threatening Sad

hathorkicksass · 18/04/2012 19:51

Chibi - please don't take this the wrong way but I am not going to engage with you about this any more.

I don't think it's helpful or supportive to either of us and we are just going round in circles.

chibi · 18/04/2012 19:54

probably best. wishing you love and light x

hathorkicksass · 18/04/2012 19:55

And you

swallowedAfly · 19/04/2012 08:58

she wasn't attacking you she was expressing her feelings about something you said - because she too is a human being with feelings that are valid in the same way as you wish to be seen as one.

why is that confusing?

prolific use of Sad face doesn't turn someone else's valid points into attacks.