I don't appear to have the typical female experience I'd be interested in what some of you have to say

[hathorinareddress69]

Not a thread about a thread but on another thread I realised that I don't seem to have had the typical female experience, and I just wondered what you thought (since LRD suggested this was not a scary place)

I don't seem to have had the experiences that some of the feminists have - I don't feel the need to share with females, I never had a man leer or wolf whistle or try to look up my skirt.

My best friend is a man and I can (and do) discuss anything with him and he does with me.

Am I that abnormal?

and yes - saying something happened to you because of your female biology doesn't make it about you any more than saying someone was killed in a genocide because of their ethnicity makes it about them. racism is directed towards those with a certain skin colour or ethnicity that they were born with - it's not about them though and denying it was about their skin colour would deny them the ability to mobilise and raise consciousness as a group.

I know it's bad form to talk aboout posts from another thread, but I am. Please feel free to ignore if you don't want to answer.

I was lurking on the "what makes a woman a women" thread and came across this:

hathorkicksass Wed 18-Apr-12 14:29:03
How is it different?

A male who had been subjected to a sexual assault by a woman would feel the same as a woman who had been attacked by a man surely?

I think it's your post OP? Just wanted to ask that on the one hand you think your experience is different from that of all other women (which it is because we do react differently) but on the other hand you think that all men and women would feel the same on being assaulted?

No personal difference, no gender/biology based difference , nothing?

In a way it's consistant - you seem to be taking biology out of the equation all together (not that I agree), I wonder why? On the other hand you are also taking personal responses out of the equation - which is a big deal for you.

It wouldn't matter if someone was male or female.

Their feelings would be the same.

How is that inconsistent with what I have said?

But if the feelings are the same, then isn't it a shared human experience?

Yes but it's not gender specific.

But it is a shared experience with all those who have been through it - in case of general assault anyone, in case of biology related assault - someone who shares the biology?

Again , not saying that's all experiences/feelings are one and the same - just that it's shared.

But I don't view it as biology related particularly - it's assault, regardless of the biology of the person.

And the feelings of one group are no less valid than the feelings of the other - and the point in the quote you took was that it was in a context of a discussion where it had been postulated that the consequences for women were different and I was pointing out that both sexes can be assaulted and that the feelings are just as valid, regardless of the gender of the victim.

you say it's not gender specific and then you talk about biology as if they are not two entirely separate things - gender is not a biological construct is it?

No. As I have learned on the Trans threads, gender and sex are two completely different things.

I only ever meant this to be a thread for me to consider how I felt.

feelings are just as valid definetely agree there. But I still think it would be different. Not necessarily because of inherent inbuilt differences but mainly because of societal conditioning and expectations. (Hen pecked hubby jokes make it difficult for a man to admit assault from his wife, Women told to suck it up and think of england - that type of thing)

so why are you pretending not to understand how gendered sexual and other violent assault is, at a societal and at an individual level?

And if you really haven't had that kind of stuff fed you (not by your mil - but in your formative, conditioning times) then I think you are really lucky.

I don't see my kids escaping it.

I'm not pretending anything.

well then it is unconscious that your logic is so contradictory then. but it really is. it's hard to follow and discuss because the 'rules' or underlying principles or logic are constantly shifting. it's like trying to build a house on sinking sand or something.

Are you aware of how dismissive and patronising that sounds?

the gender/biology connection is that society shoved that gender on you because of your biology. you didn't get to choose it - they saw you had a fanjo and xx chromosones and shoved it on you. so they are connected. and then they used further of your biological realities to shove more of it on you. periods, fertility, pregnancy, motherhood, being a wife, etc etc.

they were all mapped out and superimposed ON to your biology. if you had had a different biological sex you would have had a very different gender imposed on you and different sites (biological features and experiences) on which to impose that.

not everything is about how it sounds - there are more important things in the world than style. substance!

Where did I say the most important thing in the world was style?

if we sat around playing personality and tone policing games all day long we'd never get to actually discuss anything. it's utterly.... blocking of discussion.

you don't talk abotu what is being said you go on about how it is being said. hope that makes clearer what i was saying about style and substance.

I don't believe my gender has defined what has happened to me.

I believe the attitudes of others are responsible.

I haven't shared the typical female experience that was talked about on the other thread.

I was merely wondering if I was that unusual.

but others have attitudes towards your gender. you have 'shared' some of women's common experience - you have been a girl, you have perhaps worn girls school uniform, you have used sanitary protection, you have had menstrual cramps, you've taken steps to avoid pregnancy, you've experienced penetrative sex in a heterosexual relationship, you've been a wife, you've had children - given birth and gone through the experiences of becoming a mother, perhaps you have breast fed etc etc etc. to deny your experiences of these things are in any way shared with women as a group is odd.

you have grown breasts and bought bras and worn clothes to accentuate or hide them or otherwise accommodate them.

you have shopped in women's clothing departments and experienced the customer care. you have been marketed towards by specific products aimed at women. etc etc etc.

i can't get how anyone could deny that some of their experience was based on being female! it's bizarre.

That's true.