I don't appear to have the typical female experience I'd be interested in what some of you have to say

[hathorinareddress69]

Not a thread about a thread but on another thread I realised that I don't seem to have had the typical female experience, and I just wondered what you thought (since LRD suggested this was not a scary place)

I don't seem to have had the experiences that some of the feminists have - I don't feel the need to share with females, I never had a man leer or wolf whistle or try to look up my skirt.

My best friend is a man and I can (and do) discuss anything with him and he does with me.

Am I that abnormal?

So, why is there 'a' feminist viewpoint? Why aren't there feminist viewpoints?

I don't know.

I don't know samandi just I was on another thread and those things were pointed out as the typical female experience that women would want to share with other women - I haven't had them and I don't feel the need to share with other women, so I was just wondering was I odd.

No, you're not odd because you don't want to share "typical female experiences" with other women. Many women don't want to either, but of course because they're not sharing you won't hear as much about them.

Why aren't there feminist viewpoints?

There are :-)

I just feel that I have been put in a box and lumped into a group that I'm not comfortable in and that I didn't ask for.

And I feel that is treating me as though my views are of lesser importance.

I think I see your point hathor. Only you have the right to define your experience and your definition is as valid as anyone else's.

I have never experienced what you went through, or the awful experiences that other posters have been through.

I realise I have had a pretty lucky existence to date. If I'm totally honest, my own personal experience is of harm caused mainly by women. Nothing serious or violent at all, but minor judgmental nastiness, bullying, casual racism, casual 'anti-lone parent' stuff. I think of myself as a feminist but I don't necessarily relate to a 'typical' female shared experience. Perhaps, in my case, it's to do with belonging to a range of other minority groups too? I don't really feel that I am defined by any of them. That might be why the 'feminism trumps all' view sits so uncomfortably with me. Not entirely sure tbh. Like you, this is a new area for me.

Please keep posting. Your posts are thought-provoking, which is a good thing.

Why does it have to be a feminist viewpoint? Why can't it just be?

Why do I have to accept that I'm in a group whether I like it or not?

These feminists who are putting me in this group, who gave them permission to do this to me?

It's just like the patriarchy. Only it's women doing it.

You are xyz because we say so.

Perhaps because feminists (certainly many in here, which is about the limit of my experience) are fighting against a common enemy. In any battle - and that is what it is - there is 'them' and there is 'us'. There is no 'other', and by virtue of your genitalia and chromosomes, you are lumped in with the 'us'. For many people in here, this is a black and white issue.

Yes. But I don't see it like that.

Therefore, are my feelings less valid, or should the ideas of the feminists expand to include me?

It should expand.

And another thing.

Chibi got upset and railed at me on this thread and then left. I got told, basically that I hated women, was trying to distance myself from women and that I had posted "hateful bullshit" and that I was "shitty" and "aggressive" and called a twat.

I also got told I couldn't know what women who had been assaulted felt like. That's untrue. I know how I felt. I just don't subscribe to the view that it is particularly a feminist issue.

As I said, my ex's family as a group are horrible, including the women, who in many ways were and are worse than the men.

But they're women. So pardon me if I don't want to put myself in a group that would include people like them whether I like it or not.

Damn. Pressed post too soon.

But when I got angry and upset I was patted on the head, figuratively, and told "i really hope you can get some help processing what happened to you and moving forward with less anger and defensiveness."

ok, tentative post here.
I get what you're saying about being 'you' rather than a woman. I feel like me first and foremost too, but have many experiences of where people don't seem to see 'me' and treat me in accordance with their perceived idea of what a woman is. It isn't about how I see myself, it's more about having others views imposed on me. Recognizing the patterns is the beginning of being able to start changing them.
That's why I've found feminism important, as something that is making a bit more space for women to be themselves rather than just 'women'.
Your experience may differ wildly and your viewpoint is your own 100% and you have every right to refuse to allow it to be appropriated in a way you disagree with. I haven't found feminists to put me in a group whether I like it or not, I've found non-feminists do it and I've found feminism to be the way of fighting back against that. But that is just my personal experience.

Feminists don't tell women how to respond to trauma hathor. How you feel and respond is entirely up to you. We can analyse why that trauma may have happened in the context of society as it stands today i.e. from a feminist perspective. You, of course can have a different view. That is very different from telling you how to think and definitely different from telling you how you feel.

Personally I think a feminist perspective can help deal with trauma such as rape and domestic abuse. But I can understand why you wouldn't relate to that or disagree.

Equally though I am not sure why you started this thread if you don't want a feminist perspective. You could have put it in chat or anywhere on the rest of the internet. I am not saying don't post here, only that when you do, you will get views from a feminist angle.

I know I'm probably not making much sense, but as much as I agree with many of the tenets (as I see them) of feminism that are based on equality, I fail epically with the fact that I have to rationalise my experience in a particular way to be a feminist.

Maybe it is something to do with me, something in my thinking that is out of kilter. I honestly don't know.

I have a question.

You can all laugh and point.

What is a feminist?

I think it originally meant someone who wanted men and women to be equals in society, and to have the same choices. I don't know what it means now - different things to different people I guess.

Why on earth would we laugh and point? That is quite rude to us hathor.

A feminist is someone who believes in equality for women, doesn't think that it has been achieved and wants to do something about it. Personally I would also say they have to be willing to look at things from a feminist angle and not dismiss them as just being the way things are. And I would also say that you would have to believe in women having complete autonomy over our own bodies.

That's what I thought.

But now I am not sure.

I sort of know where you're coming from. I think many women in this country do not experience 'sisterhood' in RL. Some of our worst enemies can be our own mothers, sisters and so called friends.

My DP is from a highly patriarchal society yet his mother taught him how to cook and he had to do household chores from a young age. His mother is also illiterate yet managed to fund her 5 children through uni by working as a market trader. I think in some ways many feminists here would look at his culture with disdain but also there is much that could be learnt from it

I study Psycholgy where there is ALOT of conflict re feminism, especially if you're coming from the evolutionary and/or social psychology perspective.

My DP's mother was worse than useless. She is no longer with us. Which is a good thing. I would find it hard to control my anger with her.

So where's the sisterhood?

Like a lot of things, I think it's in the abstract, but falls apart a bit once specific people/situations come into the mix?

Yes, I think in real life many women have a construct in the mind that represents, for example, 'competitiveness, suspicion, unsupportive,' when it comes to other women. They gossip, they bitch, they go behind your back.

Obviously it depends on what type of background you're coming from and what sort of attachments you have to other females in your life. And I think that it's culturally specific. Certainly there is probably more of a 'sisterhood' which translates into RL support back in my DPs home country, even if it is patriarchal, women stick together more.

Have you read Margearet Atwood OP? She is very good at explaining and describing some of the things you mention from a feminst perspective. Her version is entirely consistent with women being very nasty to each other. "The handmaids tale" , "Cats Eye" and "Lady Oracle" may be good places to start
x

Thanks for that - I will take a look at those.

i railled at you because your post was offensive and i found your apology glib, and was outraged. perhaps another time, you would not have struck such a chord, who knows. lucky old me.

i also found a lot of your later posts extremely agressive and threatening. i absolutely do not feel threatened by you, but was myself in no state to discuss, nor did you seem to be, frankly.

i at no point called you any name. i was extremely critical of your posts, but to me, that is different. i did not flame you, i responded truthfully to your post. i also did not 'run away'. please do not characterise my involvement with you as one where for no reason i attacked and then ran. though it may seem that way to you, to me it was someone glibly trivialising yhe suffering of others, while blaming them, and writing it off in a tomato tomahto kind of way.

i am very sorry for everything that you have suffered, but i am too old now to imagine that people's experiences in any way make them sensitive to the sufferings of others, or more likely to choose their words carefully.

i don't think i will post here again. i find it incredibly hostile to those who don't toe a party line.