why do people assume me and DH would have the same last name?

[vanfurgston]

its been happening a lot recently. and there is always an Oh wen i correct them. i thought we had moved past all that

Oh come on, it is odd to give your child the name of a man you're no longer with, isn't it? I mean one of the common reasons to change your name is you want your whole family to have the same name. And if you've split, presumably you spend you life explaining why you and the child have different names.

And yes, people do lecture and take the piss in reality, but probably only when they want an excuse to lecture/take the piss and find this a good symbol.

In the nicest possible way, I couldn't care less if women change their names or not.

First I've heard anyone's asking you to care.

Well, I can only speak from personal experience, but I can only think of one person that I know of that has their mother's name. The child was born in the early 1970's (if this is relevant). She was what was known back then as 'illegitimate'. Horrible word but that is what it was called back then.
Any way, unless there are some stats are presented on this, I just don't know whether or not children whose parents split up BEFORE birth take fathers' name or not. Not being surly or argumentative for sake of it, just a matter of fact.

Nobody has asked me to care. True. But then I do find it a bit arrogant that people expect others to give a shit about their surname choices.

Crikey, that's a lot of thoughts for someone who doesn't care.

I'd dig out stats, but evidently I care less than you and will stick with doing what feels right for me and letting other people do what they do.

Well, great, LRD Call yourself what you want. You're lucky enough (I assume that you live in UK) to have that choice.

Oh, I find it arrogant too.

There was a thread recently where someone told me that as a feminist, it was my duty to support any woman's choice and therefore I should be angry on behalf of a woman who got called 'Ms' when she's actually 'Mrs'. This thread is beginning to remind me of that.

It's not as if it takes a moment to check what someone's preferred name is and use it - the only people who can't be arsed are those who like kicking up a good fuss about how much they don't care, IME. Not to paint you in with them, of course.

If a woman introduces herself as 'Ms Jones' (even though I know she is married to a man called John Smith). I will address her as 'Ms Jones' and think no more about it.

I bet Ms Jones and her like take it as a huge favour.

Sorry to be snarky but that shouldn't even need saying, should it? Why does there have to be such a fuss made about something so simple?

LRD, seriously, I have been reasonable here. My post at 18.54 is really, really reasonable within a feminist context. And within a good manners context, too. A woman tells me to call her whatever SHE wishes to be known by and I call her that. No fuss or argument on my part at all, because, really, I don't give a shit. Why this warrants your 'snarky' response, I simply do not know. Well, yeah, actually I do know you dislike me and I can't do right for doing wrong in your eyes.

I explained why. I think it is a little unnecessary to feel the need to say 'I call someone by their name'. It shouldn't need saying - unless you feel you're doing them a favour or something unusual.

For someone who doesn't care, you do seem quite concerned that your way of doing things should be seen as right.

Btw, I don't dislike you and I thought you wrote some brilliant posts on a thread in relationships about rape, a bit ago. So it's not that I want to say you're wrong for the sake of it.

It's that the 'oh, I don't care, it's you who make a fuss and I must tell you very loudly and very often just how much of a fuss you make and how little I care' argument that grates. If people really didn't care, they wouldn't comment.

OK, perhaps there is a bit of a misunderstanding here. But when I post something that I feel to be reasonable and somebody else comes back and says that I am not, it's hard not to assume that there is something personal about it.

I have only pointed out that I call somebody by their name because that is what this thread is about.

It's not about doing anybody a favour at all.
Honestly it is not, I know the name thing annoys some women, I don't mean to trivialise that, really- some of my concerns seem no doubt trivial to others- but, the name thing is not something I get particularly annoyed about.

Fair enough. If it doesn't annoy you it shouldn't have to. TBH, I felt you were calling me arrogant and did feel a bit annoyed at that, since I had already said there was no demand for you to care on way or the other.

But perhaps we are both in bad moods and reading things in a poor light.

I shouldn't have called you arrogant. I'm sorry. I dare say that the things I find important would be trivial to others and I should remember that.
What is important to one person may not be to another person.

Don't worry about it. Sorry I was snarky!

For those who change your name to your partners without being married - are you legally allowed to become mrs, or do you have to go through a wedding ceremony?

( only asking out of curiosity btw)