So, the car salesman said to me...

[GooseyLoosey]

"When will your husband be coming in to look at the car?"

It is some time since I had come across such a sexist comment and was at something of a loss to work out how to respond. I left, but was that enough - will he understand why his comment was offensive? Should I have explained to him?

I had a car salesman do something similar to me and I took great pleasure in telling him that as it was my £15,000 I was going to make the final decision on the car. Oh and it was going to be registered in my name thank you very much.

I almost bought a bed from these people (pinebed.co.uk/page7a.html). A big selling point was that i a mere 'lady' would be able to construct one of their beds.

Maybe, OP, the salesman thought you to be particularly handsome and was simply fishing as to whether you had a dh/dp.

Wouldn't it be lovely if we could drop an email to all of these companies when we come across them and they would all respond like the water softener people?

It is actually quite shocking (although I laughed like a loon at some of them) how many stories there are.

How not to make money and attract customers.

I thought the estate agent ads were quite good actually. The only naked bum was a male one.

When we had a new sky dish, the man from sky reliably informed me that ladies couldn't tell the difference between HD and normal.

I was informed by a "gent" in Sainsbury's car park last week, that...as a lady I do an awful lot of shopping.

Arse. :(

MamaMimi - nice thought, but as he was about 15 years my junior I doubt it very much.

Boffin, I am shocked that they assumed that "Dr" could not be a woman. Wow, just wow!

I too use my own name. I have no problem in post addressed to Mrs DH Last Name. However I totally see red when I get post to Mrs DH first and last name. Even if I had taken his last name, I still have my own first name. Grrr.

I had absolutely no issues buying a high spec Saab a few years ago. Never asked about a partner or patronised me, brilliant handover, guy was a real specialist, couldn't recommend them enough. Shame they're going bankrupt!

I'm just reeling

After a lifetime in sales, I can tell you with absolute certainty that - if there's some likelihood of a joint decision, as there is with a car - you ask WHETHER the customer WANTS to bring SOMEONE else along for a second look. Unless you phrase it that way, you will lose loads of sales to independent people and gay couples. It's bloody common sense

In basic sales training, they tell you to speak to the "man". It's an acronym for the person with the "money, authority and need". Perhaps there's a lot of salespeople around who didn't listen properly

i agree with garlic, the sales man saying 'when' not 'does your'' significant other want to see the car is what this is about.
if i was buying a car i'm sure my wife would want a look before i parted with such a huge amout of family buget, so i wouldnt be offended by a salesperson asking if this was the case. I would , however, get the right hump if the saleperson made the assumption that i couldnt make the dicsision myself and my formidable wife would have to appear to do that.

DH and I were shopping around for a mortgage a while back. I did all the research, I swotted up on mortgage lingo (first time buyers), I did all our finances and I booked the appointment with the financial adviser. Who was a complete dinosaur (and had slightly pervy shiny pinstriped trousers) and did not refer to me AT ALL during the meeting.

It got rather embarrassing as I actually asked him a question about APR and he directed his response to DH!!! To his credit, DH said 'Er, why don't you speak to my wife? I know next to nothing about mortgages'.

We gave him both our numbers, mine as first contact and guess who he called to follow up the meeting? Needless to say DH took great delight in telling him to naff off. Dick.

The thing is, even if items are a joint decision between a married couple (and I dispute this is always the case), why do you have to prove you have both made the decision by having to turn up together? Surely most couples don't have the time or inclination to trot round the shops together at all times?

I buy virtually everything that comes into this house. This is for several reasons:

1. I have more time and flexibility to do it
2. I am the organised, interested one
3. I care about what things look like / where we live / how practical they are

Therefore, I have made the decisions on everything, including our house and cars. Yes, on big purchases I have discussed budgets with DH, but he trusts me to buy the right thing.

When we bought our house I had to make him come to see it before we put in an offer, he was happy that I liked it, thought it suitable, and he'd read the particulars and agreed with me.

I have done the test drives for all the cars we have bought.

Does this make ours less of a marriage? I didn't realise that. I thought we were playing to our strengths.

I'm a single woman and have bought numerous cars, houses, kitchen all on my own and can say I haven't experienced any salesman asking about my DH. I expect it's because I don't mention one, he doesn't exist and no-one has assumed he did.

I was once challenged by sexism, when someone called me 'sweetthing' in a garage, and I replied if 'sweet thing' gets me 20% off then you may continue, otherwise I'm Ms Parker.

I had a horrendous time when buying a new car, twice!!
I walked away from our local Honda dealership after the salesman was only interested in what colour car I wanted (it was new so frankly it didn't matter) , I did however know I wanted a 1.4l, 5 door, with a bit of umpf... He wouldn't let go of the colour so I walked
Audi - ignored me when I went for my test drive even tho it was booked, when I finally got some attention (30mins later ... I really liked the car so really wanted to drive it... They excused their rudeness by telling me they we're waiting for my husband to arrive it was MY test drive)
Alfa Romeo garage employed the biggest sexist twat I've ever had the pleasure to meet wouldn't let me drive the car, insisted that I sit in the back whilst he chatted to DH, and actually only talked directly to me when DH told him that tbh he didn't care it was ' the wife' who was interested in cars and could tell the man everything in the world there was to know about ferrari's . Pity really that we had to then inform him that despite it being a fab car we wouldn't be buying it nor anything else ever from a dealership that employed such a sexist, obnoxious twat as himself

My dh is a used car salesman (he works for himself). He would never ever dream of saying something like that. I have just told him what was said to the OP and his words were 'oh my god that is outrageous'
They are not all the same honestly.

I don't understand the window thing even if it does involve a large expense. Why do window salespeople assume that if a woman answers the door to a house and there are children buzzing around in the background there must be some H off somewhere bringing home the bacon?

(Actually it was one of the DCs who generally opened the door but I eventually trained them to ignore cold callers I haf vays off making zem not open ze door )

My car was hit by a truck a couple of weeks back when parked at work. When the man from the hire car company turned up he spent the whole conversation calling me 'Mrs',(nothing else)and when I told him what had happened to my car his response was 'I bet your old man wasn't very pleased about that'???!!! It's my bloody car and sod all to do with DH! This guy was only around 40 so just goes to show that sexism is rife at all ages

My wife is bored witless when buying cars, and absolutely hates haggling over prices, so eventually I offer to do it for her. She definitely has the first and last say on things though. She earns more than twice what I earn. I'm constantly at the amount of times she leaves her card with the bill on a restaurant table and the waiting staff assume it's my card and hand me the chip and pin device. Am shocked at the Gene Hunt style of many of our car showroom salespeople.

I need to go to Specsavers though. Thought the discussion of the day tab said "sexiest salespeople". Imagine my disappointment....

SardineQueen, you keep repeating over and over how 'ridiculous' and 'bizarre' the salesman was, and you are implying that I am somehow 'ridiculous' and 'bizarre' by defending him.

You may think his actions sexist- like I have said constantly throughout this thread, there are -for once!- valid points for the 'he is a sexist pig' and for 'hey, he's just a bad salesman' or 'it's usual for a couple to be involved in a joint purchase together'. ALL valid for and againsts.

But in a patriarchal society where marriage is promoted- not least because the govt can fob off support for one adult to another. Let's face it, single mothers are villified because the state cannot fob off support for them onto a big, strong man (matter of fact NOT a slagging off of single mothers so no flaming, please)- and that marriage, to be fair, is seen as a life-changing event which explicitly declares that a couple wish to be seen as a couple in every aspect of life (for that is what they are doing when getting married) it is most definitely NOT bizarre or ridiculous for somebody to use these reasons in 'defence' of the salesman.

So, disagree and offer alternative views but don't say the salesman's views are 'bizarre' because in a patriarchal society where two people who marry are seen as a joint unit, his views are entirely reasonable.

Why do you think so many feminists are against marriage? They are against it because it promotes views like two people are responsible for one another, but, given the context of the society in which he lives, his views AND mine about this matter are not bizarre at all.

Hence my :' don't like it, don't get married' view is reasonable in this context.

we bought a new 4x4 early this year. We went to look at a Nissan first. I was in the showroom but out of sight and overheard one salesperson tell the other (who was about to go out and line up cars for test-drives) to 'park them facing forwards in case we get any women in. you know how rubbish they are at reversing'
I told DH when he came in and he said 'well that's it. i'm not buying one from here'

Contrast to Mitsubishi - the salesman approached me as I was waiting for DH to come in from the car park. When DH asked if he could test drive a vehicle the salesman asked if we both wanted to. I do wonder if this was in part because the company that run the dealership also have a shop attached which sells riding gear and they are well aware it's rural county with LOTS of women who regularly drive 4x4's, tractors and horseboxes.

a couple wish to be seen as a couple in every aspect of life ...

Um, is there any married person here who thought that was what they were doing when they got married? 'Every aspect'? Really? Seems like an odd view TBH.

in a patriarchal society where two people who marry are seen as a joint unit...

Fortunately, marriage has evolved; I - and I would guess most people - see it as being able to combine mutual love and support with retention of individuality.

wamster what about my point that many people with the title "mrs" and a ring on their finger may have a husband who is dead?

Not to mention all the mrs's who are divorced or separated.

Having the title MRS does not mean you have a husband at home... I find it strange that you insist it does. Are you a car salesman by any chance?

"Hence my :' don't like it, don't get married' view is reasonable in this context."

Or don't like it, don't get married, don't get divorced, don't get separated, don't let your husband die.

Righty-ho.

You have a very strange view of marriage. Tying the knot does not always mean (unfortunately) that you will have a devoted husband by your side until your dying day.

Boggling at the idea of all the elderly ladies being asked when they will be coming back with their husbands when they go to buy stuff. Because after all, they are married.