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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

So, the car salesman said to me...

251 replies

GooseyLoosey · 28/09/2011 11:38

"When will your husband be coming in to look at the car?"

It is some time since I had come across such a sexist comment and was at something of a loss to work out how to respond. I left, but was that enough - will he understand why his comment was offensive? Should I have explained to him?

OP posts:
MmeLindor. · 29/09/2011 15:55

I went into town and bought a Kitchenaid recently. I admit that I phoned DH and asked what he thought, but would it have been ok if the salesman had asked, "Do you want to bring your husband in to have a look before you buy?"

Or if DH had been looking to buy the Kitchenaid and had been asked if he wanted to bring in his wife?

No, because we are adults. And if I go into a shop and express my interest in buying something then I expect to be sold that item without the salesman enquiring if I want to check with my husband first.

And IF the woman was to go home and the husband objected, then it would be the fault of the woman and not the salesman.

stillfrazzled · 29/09/2011 16:15

I organised the double glazing we had installed last year. One firm refused to come out unless DH was there, one guy stood ON MY DOORSTEP and refused to come in when he learned DH wasn't home.

The firm then had the cheek to ring and ask when they could rebook. I took great pleasure in telling them exactly why they couldn't.

I don't know whether it was a pressure sales tactic to get us to sign up on the spot, or whether they were sexist dinosaurs - interesting to wonder whether it would have been the same if DH was making the calls...

stealthsquiggle · 29/09/2011 17:02

I suspect that particular annoyance was pressure sales, stillfrazzled - I have seen it a lot on timeshare things - you both have to attend in order to get whatever bribe they have offered for listening to their presentation - it's like MmeL said, they don't want to give you any excuse to escape by saying "I'll have to talk to DH/DP/DW" - if you are both there they can push their fradulent "only if you sign today" offers at you.

WishIwereAtTheWiesnProst · 29/09/2011 17:04

stillfrazzled the doorstep thing I find odd, as he was already there. I wonder if there have been problems with sexual harassment and that's why these companies have these policies?

*ps I have to say genuinely hand on heart if dh went out and bought a new car without me there and with out my stamp of approval because we're a family and my needs do count even if he is driving it there would be hell to pay

SardineQueen · 29/09/2011 17:35

wamster what about the fact that many divorced women still use the prefix mrs, not to mention people who are separated or widowed?

Making an assumption from a title, and possibly a ring, as to whether that person has a spouse at home, the state of their relationship, and how they handle their finances is bizarre to say the least.

WTF is this bloke going to do when he asks the next "mrs" in when she will be bringing her husband in, only to be informed that he is dead?

The question is ridiculous. People in showrooms shouldn't make assumptions about the lives of others based on a title.

Shakey1500 · 29/09/2011 17:43

Slightly off topic. I rang Natwest about a mortgage the other day. I had got "a" number off the website. The website wasn't exactly clear about which number I specifically needed so I picked the nearest figuring once I explained what I needed, they could redirect me (this is relevant I promise!)

So a man picks up the phone and this is what followed-

NW- Hello, natwest mortgage line, xyz speaking
Me- (thinking- result! Right number after all). Yes hello, I would like some information on a buy to let mortgage please.
NW- Have you got the xxxxx (some code/term I had never heard of)
Me- Ermmm I don't think so, what is a xxxx?
NW- Sigh, just put Mr Shakey on the phone....

I was INCANDESCANT. And initially speechless. Eventually I replied that he wasn't here and all I wanted was information about buy to let. He gave me the info I needed but I said "I'm sorry, I can't let this go, exactly WHY did you ask to speak to MR Shakey?"

Turns out I had rang the staff number, he thought he was speaking to a branch member of staff, that Mr Shakey was there, and to put him ( as the customer) on the line. Cue much apologies from him for the misunderstanding. Didn't excuse the sighing though Hmm I was relieved though.

mancinleics · 29/09/2011 17:54

I'm a Ms. Yes, I'm married but I have my own name. It bugs the hell out of me when the instant I mention DH things change to Mrs. DH isn't bothered in the slightest when we get post to Mr&Mrs My Name.

A large gas supplier has just been out to quote for a new boiler, was going really well until the fella said, 'you seem to know what you're talking about, are these questions from your husband?' 'No you f'ing moron, from my own brain' I wanted to shout, but I meekly said 'er no, I did some research'. So annoyed with myself. We're not going with them.

MrsSchadenfreude · 29/09/2011 17:56

Um, I bought a flat without consulting DH. Should I have done? I am a grown up, with my own money - why would I need to consult him? Confused

MrsSchadenfreude · 29/09/2011 17:58

"All I have I share with you" - yes, that's OK. He gets to live in it. Grin

fiorentina · 29/09/2011 18:01

Same experience, guy constantly talking to my partner, despite him telling the salesman several times that it was me buying/choosing the car. He just didn't get it.I was after something quite new, knew exactly the model and spec I wanted, but he just kept trying to sell me the older models on the forecourt as if I was totally ignorant. I went somewhere else.

DestinationUnknown · 29/09/2011 18:07

V interesting thread. Clearly sexism can be blatant or just implicit, all part of the assumptions that people (men & women) make all the time rather than questioning if that's the right way of going about things. I bet the car salesman hasn't ever thought he's being sexist, it's just how he is.

What about this ad campaign? Estate Agents telling us how great they are in real life - though it is nearly all women, glammed up in odd ways to illustrate their hobbies. I looked it up because I saw the latest one (not on website yet) in a magazine this morning, featuring 4 women & mothers, all looking 1950s-housewifey in a similarly retro setting. I find it a really odd way to go about advertising your business.

SardineQueen · 29/09/2011 18:20

I like those ads actually, apart from the last 2 which are pretty "meh".

I think the art one is funny.

I do wonder about their hiring though - are they discriminating against people who don't have interesting hobbies? Grin

Miggsie · 29/09/2011 18:34

They did a study in Chicago about what sort of price people got offered for the same car. They sent white and black, women and men to the same garages to buy the same car. They discovered that the white male was automatically quoted a lower initial price by the salesman than a white female or a black male or female. In fact even after haggling the women and the black men couldn't even get down to the first price the white men were offered before they even started haggling the price down. So the white men got their cars thousands of dollars cheaper for no readily apparent reason...

This is reported in Malcolm Gladwell's book "Blink".

Interestingly, the most successful car salesman in Chicago says he offers the same price on a car no matter who comes in as he says you cannot make judgements like that, his best customer dresses like a tramp but has lots of cash.

He also gets a lot of repeat business from his customers. I wonder why?????!!!!

WishIwereAtTheWiesnProst · 29/09/2011 18:41

DestinationUnknown those adverts don't bother me- though they are a bit odd. I wonder if it's to show people that estate agents aren't as horrid as we all know they are as their reputation

WishIwereAtTheWiesnProst · 29/09/2011 18:44

Miggsie that's strange, the minorities (women and African-Americans) are statistically less likely to make as much money as the white male so why offer it for less to him? If you were going to try and sell a car and be a bit sleazy about selling your selling process you'd expect it to work the other way around as the white male probably has more money.

promomum · 29/09/2011 18:55

Slightly off topic as he wasn't a salesman, but...

I was walking out of my office recently, briefcase in hand, when one of the security men stopped me to ask a question.

He was looking at a washing machine website and asked whether he should buy one with a 5kg, 6kg or 7kg drum.

Me (bemused): "Not sure why you think I would know".

Security man: "You ladies know about these things".

Me: "My husband probably would".

Lo and behold, dh does indeed know what size our washing machine drum is (7kg).

BoffinMum · 29/09/2011 18:59

I had a really great one at John Lewis. My fridge freezer broke but was under warranty, so I phoned them up to organise a repair. They said they could not do this as they needed the owner to authorise it. This baffled me and I explained that it was my fridge freezer and I was the owner. otherwise why I would be ringing? They said their records indicated otherwise and I should get the owner to ring them back, and refused to help any further. Later on I rang them back again. Who did they have down as the owner, I asked? Dr BoffinMum, they replied, your husband. But I am Dr BoffinMum, I said. Ah, they replied. They had clearly assumed that because a female was on the phone to them, it couldn't possibly be someone with a doctorate. And it was a woman I was speaking to as well Shock

It gets better though. They then changed the paperwork and inadventently made BoffinDad the owner and ennobled him at the same time, so he became Sir BoffinDad, which he quite liked and said he deserved for services to humanity thanks to marrying me and keeping me under control. The cheek! Shock

CristinadellaPizza · 29/09/2011 19:00

My mum (who is 76) recently bought herself a new very fancy car. When the dealership insisted on sending all communications to my dad rather than her (despite the fact that the V20 is in her name), she rang them up, shouted at them and told them that if they EVER wrote to my dad again, she would sell the car and never buy another XX again. I love my mum :)

WishIwereAtTheWiesnProst · 29/09/2011 19:06

I'd be really really really fucked off about that boffin.

My best one was with Dh he was visiting me in germany and we were looking for some random tourist attraction I asked for directions (in german) to a man on a bike.

he looks at dh and then talks for about 5 minutes about the best way to get there and then finally pedals off.

Dh didn't speak a word of German, but nodded every so often. [sigh]

Also bought me and dh a CAMERA joint membership one year as an xmas gift. Obviously used my personal direct debit details etc. Next week all my bank details and dd info and news of dh's gift Angry shows up addressed to DH because hey, it's beer so must really be for DH. All my bank details what if I had bought it for a normal friend?

Anyway, ruined his gift so I called to complain and they gave me a cook book to make me feel better, I was well chuffed... Till I thought about it Grin

GrimmaTheNome · 29/09/2011 19:09

It can be quite funny when Dr mutates into Mr. Especially on a prescription for oral contraceptives.

BoffinMum · 29/09/2011 19:11

That explains my ManBoobs then LOL Grin

CristinadellaPizza · 29/09/2011 19:18

I changed my gas/electricity supplier because they addressed my correspondence to Mrs Pizza. I am not married, never have been and it fucks me off enormously that companies assume that because I live in a house, I must have a man around.

caramelwaffle · 29/09/2011 19:20

Read the link (water softener) and thought "what are you talking about?

Saw the woman in bath picture Hmm

Glad to see they changed it! Grin A rush job, however (spelling mistakes) Grin

JarethTheGoblinKing · 29/09/2011 19:37

Well... having worked at an electrical retailer (since gone bust) and a big mobile phone place, I can say I have worked with some of the most sexist, offensive salesmen anywhere. Bastards, the lot of 'em.

The most galling part was that the loudest, most obnoxious, sexist ones were the ones who got the highest sales Confused

JarethTheGoblinKing · 29/09/2011 19:38

I did get one of them demoted for sexual harrasment though Grin
(if I'd been less immature and more able to handle myself he'd have been sacked)