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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

So, the car salesman said to me...

251 replies

GooseyLoosey · 28/09/2011 11:38

"When will your husband be coming in to look at the car?"

It is some time since I had come across such a sexist comment and was at something of a loss to work out how to respond. I left, but was that enough - will he understand why his comment was offensive? Should I have explained to him?

OP posts:
Original poster
GooseyLoosey · 28/09/2011 14:49

He did actually mention easy to park. I hadn't really focused on that!

OP posts:
spinaltap · 28/09/2011 14:50

I had a similar experience recently when the car salesman took one look at me and assumed I couldn't afford to buy a car from him (a nissan, not a ferrari ffs!) I had to really persuade him to let me test drive the car, and when he finally relented he asked if dh would be coming too. No, he would be staying behind entertaining 1yr old ds. Needless to say, I didn't buy the car from him. I could have left when he first offended me, but I didn't want some idiot salesman putting me off testing the car out so if I did like it I could go and buy a similar one elsewhere. I was damn well going to drive that car!

NotADudeExactly · 28/09/2011 15:49

By all means, complain! And please let them know that you are definitely buying elsewhere.

I've never had this issue with a car - but I just recently needed to replace my laptop and had a very similar experience: the sales guy was basically talking to DH, not even looking at me and telling him what "she will find easy to use". Thanks, you moron, I write the kind of software you think I might just about be able to grasp the basics of. I didn't complain to his manager about it - but I did say pretty much verbatim the above to his face. To his credit he looked appropriately mortified.

RoseC · 28/09/2011 15:56

I had the total reverse situation: great local garage is in the next village so I needed picking up by my Dad. Got there, explained the problem, had a serious conversation about how they would fix it (in which they told me what was wrong without sounding patronising) and then my Dad showed up. To be fair he used to sell cars so he was on 'home turf', but he completely took over and insisted on having the conversation again, as if I hadn't already dealt with it. Poor mechanic tried to look at both of us as he was answering my Dad and in the end I let Dad get on with it - he wouldn't have understood if I'd put my foot down. Unfortunately I've learned to pick my battles.

twotesttickles · 28/09/2011 16:16

May I make a suggestion? Next time say very clearly: 'thank you, I'd like to speak to the manager now' and when that person turns up say 'do you have anyone who can sell me a car without being a patronising gitwizard or shall I go find another garage?' It does work (I've done it) I also got a 20% discount for my trouble.

Original poster
GooseyLoosey · 28/09/2011 16:24

twotesttickles - that may well be the way to go!

Can imagine computer salesmen being much the same.

I have encountered a mortgage adviser who also spoke exclusively to dh until dh said that he didn't actually understand anything about finance and he would be much better speaking to me as I did.

OP posts:
BiscuitNibbler · 28/09/2011 16:54

I had a window company refuse to come out to quote unless my DH was there.

Needless to say I spent my £10k elsewhere.

WishIwereAtTheWiesnProst · 28/09/2011 17:05

I do think anything car related seems to have some weird element of sexism, but if I was a sales person and a man came in I might ask when his wife was going to look at the car as personally, I assume big ticket items need to be signed off by both partners and if they are a family might only have one car and both partners want to see it.

Easy to park again, he may say to men and women it's hard to say.

WishIwereAtTheWiesnProst · 28/09/2011 17:12

Can NOT believe the water softner ad!!! Like the bit about teenage daughter having manageable hair... So guess the person hasn't noticed it's 13 year old boys who spend hours blowing out their hair to look like Jusin bloody Beiber these days.

WishIwereAtTheWiesnProst · 28/09/2011 17:13

BiscuitNibbler surprised by that we had window/conservatories companies constantly offering to come by- despite living in a first floor flat Grin.

nickelbabe · 28/09/2011 17:14

Biscuit* - i can understand the windows one - that's a big thing in your house, therefore you really should both be there to discuss it.

when we were lookign at blinds, we both had to be there, but the man talked to me, rather than DH, all the way through (and it was my money, so that's fine)

WishIwereAtTheWiesnProst · 28/09/2011 17:29

I wonder nickel if they do it as well because window salesmen tend to use high pressure get you to sign up that day tactics and I bet some women use the "oh well I will have to speka to my husband he's got the final say" tactic in response which won't happen if both people are home

nailak · 28/09/2011 17:31

but seriously now, most people involve their partners in major purchases, if a husband is buying a car he will involve the wife, and if the wife is buying she will involve the husband? no~?

WilsonFrickett · 28/09/2011 17:31

WishIwere I think that's the case actually, it's a technique rather than a sexist - they aim to get you both signed up so the other one can't come home and say 'what have you done?'.

AyeBelieveInTheHumanityOfMen · 28/09/2011 18:22

It's certainly another good reason to use Ms as a title, isn't it?

It's a ludicrous method of ensuring a sale when the sales person has a willing buyer right in front of them. And none of their business how a couple's finances are arranged and how decisions are reached.

AyeBelieveInTheHumanityOfMen · 28/09/2011 18:32

Sorry, I should clarify. They have no business assuming the financial arrangements etc.

SardineQueen · 28/09/2011 19:27

I have the capacity to order things for the house on my own Confused

The idea that this is sales people second guessing how a couple arrange their finances is a much less likely answer than sexism.

We need some men to come on and let us know whether car salesmen ask them when they are coming back with their wife, and whether tradespeople refuse to quote for them when their wife is not there. Does anyone really believe that happens?

WilsonFrickett · 28/09/2011 19:33

I have heard of a kitchen sales person (a home sales type kitchen person, not in a store) asking if 'the wife' was going to be there but again I think it's because of some long-held dodgy sales techniques that were used to tie people in knots before the law changed to allow a cooling off period.

I am of course rofling at the idea that a car salesman would ask when the misses is coming in, unless it be to sign off on the paint choice. They really are the worst.

Tyr · 28/09/2011 19:38

Was he a Saudi by any chance?

NotADudeExactly · 28/09/2011 19:48

Well, DH successfully obtained a mobile contract in my name back in his country. Granted, he did this because I asked him to, my language skills being too craptastic to do so myself, but the sales guy couldn't have known that now, could he?

So, no, I don't really think it happens to men.

On the other hand I've noticed that men seem to be incapable of grasping the very basics of domestic appliances according to some sales people. Our iron recently broke and needed replacing. The guy at comet did his very best to steer poor DH towards the most expensive types available not realizing that the good man is completely capable of realistically assessing his own ironing needs.

On the upside: in the meantime I found and chose a laptop and wasn't bothered by a single sales person (they must have thought I was just browsing, seeing as I was there without a man)

JLK2 · 28/09/2011 20:20

HEre is a typical example of how the car industry thinks of women:

dailyderbi.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/photo3.jpg

SquongebobSparepants · 28/09/2011 20:21

We had this when I ordered new carpet. I went into the shop, I arranged for the man to come round and fit it.
He turned up, DH was here watching telly and he proceeded to talk to Dh and ignore me.
Same with double glazing salesman who looked shocked when I questioned his maths skills at our '74% saving'
We went with the man who was equally rude to both of usGrin

Also DH managed to take out insurance on our new telly, even though it was linked to my bank account, and nothing to do with his (separate accounts at different banks. He has a barclaycard though, so they knew he existed and put his name on the policy.
I rang to change it and they told me they had to speak to him, so he took the phone, said 'don't take the piss' and handed it back to me.
They changed it then. nobbers.

SquongebobSparepants · 28/09/2011 20:22

OH, and the teenage daughter thing on that site is awful too

'To the teenage daughter the luxury of a scum free bath and more manageable hair will be a delight.'

WishIwereAtTheWiesnProst · 28/09/2011 20:26

It does sound very retro, I wonder if they have had the smae leaflets for years now and just had them stuck on to a website

WishIwereAtTheWiesnProst · 28/09/2011 20:30

jlk2 that's a typical example of what the 60s thinks of women most of the advertising was like that. Not really fair to use that as indicative of today