Porn - I use it and feel bad - help convince me porn is wrong

[GuiltyPornUser]

Firstly, sorry if this is the wrong place to post this, although I thought it may be the most appropriate. I'm a married man, and I use porn fairly regularly. It's not something I feel has a massive negative effect on my life, but I feel bad about it. I'm not someone who specially goes out of my way to buy porn, (I've never paid for it), but with the internet, it's only ever a few clicks away.

I want to be convinced that it's wrong. I recently read Andrea Dworkin's book on pornography, but it hasn't stopped me. I appreciate that a lot of stuff on the web is very brutal and degrading to women, but a lot of the stuff is less obviously so.

My DW wouldn't be happy with me using porn, and I want to stop. I want to be convinced that it's wrong, and how I go about stopping using porn, when it's so easy to find on the internet.

There may be some here who think porn is acceptable and I'm just suffering from some almost religious guilt.

I'd really welcome some advice here, because my DW could find out one day and I want to stop.

@ Charitygirl. If I have to believe that men and women are mentally the same then I will never be a feminist. Mentally equal yes, the same no. I do strongly believe that women are as entitled to a fulfilling life as men. Anyway I am taking a very worthwhile discussion off-topic here. Sorry.

@ HHlimbo

Puts on Father Hackett voice.
Im soooooooo soooooo sorrrrrrrry. :)

So easy for some to make agressive personal attacks, yet so difficult to make a sincere personal apology?? Very interesting, why is that I wonder?

Perhaps this is the root of the problem with people like the OP.

Fine, we'll leave it - your terms ('mentally the same'? I assume you mean that you believe men and women have innate differences (residing in their brain?), leading women to be more 'nurturing' or some such) are so loosely defined, it would be impossible to discuss anyway I suspect.

@ HHLimbo

Yes of course that is a reasonable assumption to make.
I don't think the posts I have made today are helpful and as I am always going to be tempted to post I will un-bookmark this forum and try and keep my nose out in future. Thanks for all the enlightened discussion though. Some posts really did give me pause for thought.

I just can't bring myself to do the google experiment and admire those who did. I can't t get Felicity out of my head a week on so I don't think I could handle it.

Carm: you are in massive denail and if you think 'because I like it' is enough of a reason to continue to support this abusive industry, then I really have nothing more to say to you.

Indie: as you've been given pause for thought by this board, I'd like you to think about why, in the midst of a discussion about the abuse and degradation of women, of drug abuse, rape and so on, your contribution is to remind us that not all men are like that, don't be so mean to us etc... That's what stood out for you? What does that say about you? Christ almghty.

Jenny60;

I was asked a question, I gave an honest answer - if you think someone who views mainstream porn, ( the sort of stuff that's been around for years ) - is a sadistic woman hater then there's really not a lot more we can say. so you're right - best end it here.

I would also like to add to seth's excellent post of Mon 18-Apr-11 13:53:26.

Another problem with the argument that not all porn appears violent/abusive/coerced is the 'supply and demand' dynamic of porn production. Please excuse some of the misogynistic language I am going to use to describe this - I am going to be talking about women as products but it is the clearest way to talk about how porn works. The terms in inverted commas are porn producers' language.

When a woman starts doing porn she is new to the scene, she's 'fresh meat', she hasn't been 'used up' yet, she is probably very young. She probably also has pretty clear ideas about what she doesn't want to do (DP, anal, gang bang, choking, ATM, etc.). So, women like this do the 'soft' stuff -they do 'girl on girl' with no violence/abuse, etc. They will probably do some '1 man/1 girl' stuff - it probably looks entirely consensual. Except of course, she's getting paid and hearing promises of how she's got start quality and isn't like all the other girls and she could make really big money.

This woman will not be getting paid very much though - there is more money in porn in the extreme stuff. So her pimp/agent will push her to do harder stuff. The woman might hold out and keep doing 'soft porn'. Unless she becomes a 'star' like Jenna Jameson, after a while, the phone will stop ringing for her to do soft stuff - she isn't a new set of orifices face any-more and there will be other women competing with her who are willing to do harder acts. So, the pimp/agent and the woman up the stakes, and she starts doing '2 man/1 girl' (notice how they never talk about 'women' in porn). Hell, she might even do a little anal. And so on and so on. 6 months later, the only way to make money is to do the full 'repertoire' because by now our woman is getting a bit 'used looking' and she is also getting desensitised to porn sets. She is probably drinking too much and using drugs too. She is losing self esteem after being 'used' by the porn hounds and being called a 'cum gobbling slut' day in day out. She has probably been raped and threatened a few times by now (over and above the rape and verbal abuse that happens in the films) and she almost certainly has a STD. She may be doing some stripping or turning some 'tricks' to make a little extra money. And so on and so on. Another 6 months later, if the woman lasts that long, she may be one of the women doing big gang bangs and all the other vile stuff.

This is an on-going process with new women starting every day to fill the demand for wank fodder and to make money for the porn merchants.

There is of course also the darker side of porn which 'uses' trafficked women/women picked up on the streets, etc which makes the above scenario look like 'a walk in the park' in porn producers terms.

another depressing thread, I need to go and get kids' tea in a min so if anyone wants to wander over there....

Absolutely gobsmacked that you could read this thread and come to the conclusion that the real issue is women stereotyping men. Or Dittany being a bit holdy-backy with her ladylike Ps and Qs.

Wow. Just wow.

That's a real actual person behind '18 and abused'

Total arseholery.

I've namechanged and done the google experiment. DON'T READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED

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I went and saw this month's most popular porn videos on pornhub (as I understand one of the most popular websites) and anyone can check to see if they wish.

The top ten videos are

1. Kendra Wilkinson exposed sex tape
2. Teenagers in love
3. This amateur can outfuck any pornstar
4. Arabella anderson in Miami
5. Nella - incredible orgasm
6. Squeeze those melons
7. Kagner - big boob addicts
8. Amis does battle with honky kong
9. Naomi crazy anal

10. Emma licks the cum out of her own pussy (not sure how this is possible)

Make of that what you will

Not sure if that proves anything prosperina either way, although it's some indication of that it isn't all what the more extreme posters have been arguing it is

RitaLynn - no it doesn't! That all seems pretty degrading to me. The language for a start is nasty: "melons", "big boob", "cum", "pussy", "honky kong". Reducing women down to body parts (and men in the case of honky kong).

"Teenagers in Love" 2nd in the list

rita...you didn't address my list yesterday at 13:59

your denial is showing

Well, we could argue about whether "melons" was a degrading term. I don't think anyone would expert the list to be Susie (BS Chemical Engineering, likes cycling, favourite movie, titanic, two elder sisters) has lovely melons, and yes, porn does objectify men and women, (which is where my objection comes from), but the language is pretty tame. Crikey, my DH says I have nice boobs, is he degrading me?

Eggy,

The difference between your post and the one prosperina posted is that yours was deliberately a cherry picked "worst list". I checked prosperina's list, and it's the most viewed top ten. There is some nasty stuff on the web, I just don't think your analysis was very objective

this is a bit of a random question for all occured to me last night watching james brown hairdresser whatever, I'm guessing the viiew on glamour modelling is similar to porn stars.

What do you think of 'high fashion models' I never hear any discussions on that. there obviously very exploited just in differrent ways, In some ways I find it more disturbing any way I noticed this had never been mentioned, sorry hijacking

Sue,

It's a good question - I think the porn thing is being done here on other threads to death

Whether the same objections arise would be an interesting issue

personally I find it more disturbing

glamour models without surgery are bodywise much healthier role models

there was this model who looked like an underdeveloped pre teen with a thong suit on which barely covered her hoo-hah (think baywatch costumes)

It was disgusting i turned over.

I see the 'bullporn' site has reclaimed its number 1 position in google.

They helpfully have a list of categories in alphabetical order at the bottom of the page - first in the list is 'abused' and last is 'young'.

You should check it out RitaLynn. Do so with caution though - there is quite a lot of this site of the 'daddy fucks daughter' type stuff, there is also quite a lot of videos which show sleeping women or unconscious women. I'm afraid I didn't click to see if these are films of real life rapes or if they are simulated/porn rapes. Couldn't stomach it.

Sorry for typos, must preview!

my lost was totally objective

I lifted the first two websites from the top ten googled "most viewed porn" and then selected a few titles from the very first couple of pages of both of them

bearing in mind that this is how most people would google for something (including minors), I think my list was objective and realistic

my list sorry

I don't think we need to get into a debate as to what would pass muster for some serious social scientific research, but the point was that you objectively picked the worst stuff, that's all.

As I mentioned, it would be very interesting to see such research to see what is being accessed on the internet.

I picked the stuff at the top of the list, that's all < shrug >