Porn - I use it and feel bad - help convince me porn is wrong

[GuiltyPornUser]

Firstly, sorry if this is the wrong place to post this, although I thought it may be the most appropriate. I'm a married man, and I use porn fairly regularly. It's not something I feel has a massive negative effect on my life, but I feel bad about it. I'm not someone who specially goes out of my way to buy porn, (I've never paid for it), but with the internet, it's only ever a few clicks away.

I want to be convinced that it's wrong. I recently read Andrea Dworkin's book on pornography, but it hasn't stopped me. I appreciate that a lot of stuff on the web is very brutal and degrading to women, but a lot of the stuff is less obviously so.

My DW wouldn't be happy with me using porn, and I want to stop. I want to be convinced that it's wrong, and how I go about stopping using porn, when it's so easy to find on the internet.

There may be some here who think porn is acceptable and I'm just suffering from some almost religious guilt.

I'd really welcome some advice here, because my DW could find out one day and I want to stop.

I think it would be a good idea for members of the BNP to meet black people to discuss racism.

In fact I think it's a great idea.

But it's ok for you to tell other people to go away? No double standard there at all I see
It's a shame dittany, because I know you scare a lot of people away from this topic. There's just no need to be so damn rude. The guy asked a question. You responded, as per, with a personal attack.
And you reply to him that 'It is not the job of the feminist section to do the work of men's consciences for them. ' Do you not think that that's exactly what this section could be used for? Why does having a penis prevent him from asking a question? And why is your opinion more valid as a woman?

Stewie

I think the work of Robert Jensen could be very useful, I'm going to read it. The point of my thread is that like any "addiction" or behaviour, it's not easy to stop. We don't just tell alcoholics to stop drinking, even though it's what they should do.

As I was watching the documentary above, I could see similar situations I've seen on the internet, but whereas what I've seen on the internet has been the edited erotic version, the documentary showed it in a completely different horrible light. I think I need for that second light to become more powerful than the erotic light in my head (does that make sense?)

Quite topoff

If this were alcoholics anonymous, and someone admitted to having a problem, hopefully they'd be helpful).

I agree with this statement! OP, I think maybe you just need to find an alternative?

I wasn't aware of your reputation dittany. It's completely unproductive for you to keep on insulting me and me trying to argue back. I'm sorry but I'll leave it with you there.

I don't think it's like a BNP supporter asking black people why racism is bad. It's more like an alcoholic asking a doctor or AA why drinking is bad. I recognise my problem here.

I maintain that I'm a fairly decent guy, and the kind of guy who actually would be an ally in the fight against porn

But this isn't some kind of porn user rehab board. There are hundreds of those out there. And real life support groups too.

But, of course, we're doing feminism wrong again.

That's a bit of a cop out isn't it dittany? You just don't speak to people who question you. And whatever difference does it make if topoff is black?

AyeRobot

You're right, I know that. I want to thank those for the links (I think it's better to find recommended links than just google). I got dragged into an argument which was completely unproductive

Well if there are, maybe someone who knows about them could post a link for the OP?

I think when someone asks for help/educating about anything, and you are in a position to help, then you should if you can! Even just by saying well this isn't the perfect place but have you tried x y or z?

Dittany

Well if we're playing the 'not talking to you' game, then would any other poster like to ask dittany to answer my questions?

Sorry I just realised that SGM.

"to use porn you have to feel like the women in it are subhuman and not worthy of your consideration."
dittany unfortunately I'm pretty sure the majority of male porn users never give it that amount of deep thought. And without sounding rude, many will not have the capactiy or willingness to understand it either.

Here's 1 guy apparently wanting to be educated - why not take that opportunity, I'm sure it doesn't come up often!

What inspired the biscuit was you telling me I hate women - I don't, you're wrong. If you can accept that, then we can discuss.

There are millions of decent men like me who watch porn - they don't hate women, but with the ubiquity of porn, they've been able to dissociate the happy smiling women they see in the videos (I'm not a user of the obviously violent horrific stuff) from the harsher reality

OP - I'm with Dittany - I'll explain why.

Abusing alcohol, admitting to and wanting help for it is very different. It is an addiction to something inanimate, a substance. So to liken your use of porn to this is like saying, oh it's substance addiction. But the analogy is crap (and to recognise this is essential to you actually changing if you really want to) precisely because alcohol is not HUMAN. In using porn you are contributing to the support and perpetuance of an entire industry created to abuse and exploit HUMANS, and in this case, predominantly women. So there is no analogy. Hence why Dittany's analogy to a BNP member asking advice on how to stop being racist to a group of people who are not white/British (whatever the BNP's fucked up manifesto is TBH) e.g. they ARE the PEOPLE you are effectively abusing (however indirectly you may think - again this is where your problem lies - the disconnect in being able to, for the time you log-on, click on some porn and get off, to dismiss the humanity of any of the people you are getting off to - and then snap back into being a feminist the moment you've ejaculated.)

Do you have a daughter OP? Nieces? Sisters? A mum? You seriously need to work on your empathy gaining power over the urge to jerk-off. Masturbation is entirely natural, but why not use your imagination and replay some good times from memories you have rather than have to watch some poor Felicity have her spirit crushed for your pleasure? That's the only decision you have to make. Only you can make it and only you can change.

TheyKnow

I'm going to go now, but what you wrote there was genuinely very helpful. Thank you, you put it very well