Porn - I use it and feel bad - help convince me porn is wrong

[GuiltyPornUser]

Firstly, sorry if this is the wrong place to post this, although I thought it may be the most appropriate. I'm a married man, and I use porn fairly regularly. It's not something I feel has a massive negative effect on my life, but I feel bad about it. I'm not someone who specially goes out of my way to buy porn, (I've never paid for it), but with the internet, it's only ever a few clicks away.

I want to be convinced that it's wrong. I recently read Andrea Dworkin's book on pornography, but it hasn't stopped me. I appreciate that a lot of stuff on the web is very brutal and degrading to women, but a lot of the stuff is less obviously so.

My DW wouldn't be happy with me using porn, and I want to stop. I want to be convinced that it's wrong, and how I go about stopping using porn, when it's so easy to find on the internet.

There may be some here who think porn is acceptable and I'm just suffering from some almost religious guilt.

I'd really welcome some advice here, because my DW could find out one day and I want to stop.

ousel - thank you for that story. It illustrates perfectly why being believed is important; it's acknowledging that someone matters.

jenny60 - what bothers me most about testimonies/survivor stories being dismissed, is the implication that these women are disposable and don't really matter . The so what attitude - it's so callous.

It's only ever about women's experience that that attitude is takena s well. With other oppressed groups, their experiences are listented to with respect and acknowledged.

Interesting article by Julie Bindel on Gail Dines. Some mention of disturbing ways in which exposure to porn affects behaviour.

www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/jul/02/gail-dines-pornography

In other areas witness testimonies have been taken seriously and form a major part of the information that we have about certain terrible events. The holcaust is one area where individual testimony has given us greater understanding of the events that took place.

After the war the individual testimonies of both victim and purpertrators formed the basis on which we convicted Nazi war criminals.

It is also possible to include the testimonies of others involved in the industry. Just as others have said on this thread about the pornographer and rapist Max hardcore "We are not happy until you are unhappy" his comment tells us a lot about how his behaviour towards women makes them feel and that he is absolutely clear about his intentions. Just one individual but I am sure it would be possible to find many more.

Beachcomber - Thanks for that article, I particularly liked these sound bites:

"The more porn sexualises violence against women, the more it normalises and legitimises sexually abusive behaviour. Men learn about sex from porn, and in porn nothing is too painful or degrading for women."

"The assumption that if you are a woman who hates pornography you are against sex shows how successful the industry is at collapsing porn into sex. Would the critics of the employment practices and products at McDonald's be accused of being anti-eating?"

And from the comments beneath

"Pornography is hate speech, and profoundly anti-sex and anti-human"

"Perhaps one way to get the free speech argument disentangled, is to separate pornography from profit - leaving all those people who claim there is no exploitation involved in the porn industry free to express themselves - for free."

Beachcomber, I've just got to add to what others have said. The work you and dittany are doing is admirable. You changed my mind on porn forever, not that I was particularly pro-porn a year or two ago, but the pro-porn lobby had done such a good job of eliminating the harm and erasing the fact porn is a hate crime against the female SEX, that I was apathetic and didn't really think about it.

It's shocking that men use the racist, misogynistic language they do in porn, dehumanizing other humans like that on the basis of their sex. Honestly, the way men behave in porn is proof of what evil oppressors they are. And they would have us BELIEVE that the men are NOT abusing women in porn, and that the women are enjoying it, even though they're being paid to ACT.

How fucking stupid do they think we women are?
Honestly I'm losing my patience with men.

You're welcome Msrisotto. I agree with you about the soundbites.

Thanks sakura. That means a lot.

Interesting BestNameEver.

I started reading your post and thought maybe you had posted on the wrong thread - and then the more I read, the more I saw the relevance.

However, don't mean to generalise about men - just blaming the patriarchy.

Bestnameever;

Can you imagine the reaction if a man posted that about a woman attending a group ( whatever group it doesn't matter ) your experience is not one I've shared thankfully.

Ime; attending playgroups, the token dad usually got ignored. ( not ideal either )
Maybe you're seeing too much into certain situations, you post came across as Very 'anti- male' - maybe it was supposed to?

if you dont like watching porn just stop. use your imagination instead

Bloody hell, is this still going on?