Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Porn - I use it and feel bad - help convince me porn is wrong

737 replies

GuiltyPornUser · 10/04/2011 09:50

Firstly, sorry if this is the wrong place to post this, although I thought it may be the most appropriate. I'm a married man, and I use porn fairly regularly. It's not something I feel has a massive negative effect on my life, but I feel bad about it. I'm not someone who specially goes out of my way to buy porn, (I've never paid for it), but with the internet, it's only ever a few clicks away.

I want to be convinced that it's wrong. I recently read Andrea Dworkin's book on pornography, but it hasn't stopped me. I appreciate that a lot of stuff on the web is very brutal and degrading to women, but a lot of the stuff is less obviously so.

My DW wouldn't be happy with me using porn, and I want to stop. I want to be convinced that it's wrong, and how I go about stopping using porn, when it's so easy to find on the internet.

There may be some here who think porn is acceptable and I'm just suffering from some almost religious guilt.

I'd really welcome some advice here, because my DW could find out one day and I want to stop.

OP posts:
TheAtomicBum · 12/04/2011 16:15

You just said pornography is a job.

Anyway, I know I haven't been in this particular part of MNet before, but isn't the very idea of feminism that women are not just sexual objects? And therefore I must assume that you would also support the idea of selecting a potential partner, be it for a one off or a relationship, on more than the basis of their racial appearence. Or even on more than the basis of their basic looks description. If I said, "I only have women who are blonde," how would you react to such an obsurb statement?

Of course you're now going to be arguing that it is porn and the only purpose is to fulfil sexual desires, but that is just the point. The idea of pornography encourages people to believe that selecting someone on the basis of how sexually attractive they are is right. And that in turn encourages women to have to painful things to themselves to make themselves more attractive; be it crippling high heals that bend bones in the long term, waxing of pubic hair or wearing skin cutting or freezing clothes.

TheAtomicBum · 12/04/2011 16:19

K999, that's another point. The idea of pornography also encourages men like that to assume that the world around them is some sort of giant orgy, and that every woman is somehow always available and "up for it."

Beachcomber · 12/04/2011 16:19

I've said this before on this thread but anybody defending porn needs to do one simple thing.

Put 'porn' into google UK.

Click on the first result.

Watch as much as you can handle.

I've just watched something with a naked woman being tied up, whipped by, two fully clothed men (she has marks on her and her legs are visibly trembling), she gags on a large dildo, is contorted and slapped. I had to turn it off when it got to what looked like the electric shock bit. The women is saying 'thank you sir' whilst this is going on.

This is a real woman being tortured, in real life, by real men. It is on the homepage of a mainstream website - the first result that comes up on google.

And it is considered 'entertainment' in this sick fucked up world we live in.

K999 · 12/04/2011 16:25

Yes, youre right TAB....luckily I know that all men are like that! Pathetically, he was shocked when I called him a wanker! He thought it was ok to assume that I would want to sleep with him.....Shock

TheAtomicBum · 12/04/2011 16:27

BC, that's just fucked up. I don't think I've ever seen anything like that. But going back to the OP's point that he looks at the internet, there are no restrictions on what can be shown except pedophilia, because it's the only thing covered by international laws.

You only have to look at some of the titles of mainstream sights to realise what you've said (for anyone who's now never going to search for porn again). I've seen sites advertised such as, "Exploited Teens," "Exploited Teens Asia," "Exploited Babysitters," "Exploited College Girls." Anyone seeing a theme here? This is another thing that put me off porn. It's all quite blatently and openly about degrading the women.

Inmydreamimawesternhero · 12/04/2011 16:29

There's plenty of porn with men being abused by women - female domination is very popular.

And I was sexually attracted to 'my type' before I'd ever seen any porn.
Sexually attraction is innate - I think it is anyway.

HandDivedScallopsrgreat · 12/04/2011 16:33

"Sexually attraction is innate" - you don't think that it could be constructed by the society and influences you grow up with at all? Really?

K999 · 12/04/2011 16:33

Female domination is usually because this is what men enjoy!!....

Beachcomber · 12/04/2011 16:39

Or just check out redtube - that is about as mainstream as you can get.

There is double penetration, paedophiliac references and gagging references and racism on the first two pages. And these are only the titles - I'm not clicking play.

You're right TAB - this is all very fucked up.

TheAtomicBum · 12/04/2011 16:46

As for the pedophilia references - they're everywhere in porn. I was once shown a site that pretended to be an all girls high school. The male stars being the teachers. Amongst other sites that try to show. One of the first I ever saw, many long years ago, was bragging that their latest star had only just turned 18.

K999 · 12/04/2011 19:10

Well, this thread has certainly educated me about porn and what it actually is. I feel a bit Blush and Shock at myself for not giving this any great thought before.

Thank you all. Smile

dittany · 12/04/2011 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StewieGriffinsMom · 12/04/2011 19:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

K999 · 12/04/2011 19:27

Excellent. Thanks SGM. Will do. And apologies to anyone I have infuriated in the past few days with my uneducated and ignorant comments!! Smile

Ps is this book easy to get hold of? Am near loads of bookshops....

StewieGriffinsMom · 12/04/2011 19:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EggyFucker · 12/04/2011 19:52

K999

These boards opened my eyes to a lot of stuff I just hadn't examined deeply enough before too.

I lurked for ages before daring to post, so at least didn't make too much of a tit of myself.

But I was an uneducated tit, and still have lots to learn Smile

Topoff · 12/04/2011 20:00

Has anyone read this?
What do you reckon?

guardian article

K999 · 12/04/2011 20:02

Eggyfucker...Are you saying i have made a tit of myself?? Grin

EggyFucker · 12/04/2011 20:04

I am saying I didn't make too much of a tit of myself

Read that how you like Wink

I was PeterAndreForPM, btw, before I namechanged for the season

K999 · 12/04/2011 20:36

Ah,ok!! You have probably been on the end of my uneducated comments!!

ousel · 12/04/2011 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Inmydreamimawesternhero · 12/04/2011 21:07

Topoff: That's a really interesting article. TY.

CorfuJune · 13/04/2011 10:23

This has been a really enlightening thread for me, I hope it was for the OP as well. I really didn't know much about porn beyond what I knew of the pinups of the 70s and how much it has changed.

TheAtomicBum · 13/04/2011 11:03

Yes, the internet has really changed porn and made it a lot more extreme and available to all.

Dittany, thanks for that [blushes]. I've read back thruogh some of the earlier posts, and I see what you mean. No, I wouldn't walk in and announce, "I'm a feminist who wanks over exploited women and lies to my wife about it." Because that's just stupid. I'll just stick with, "I believe in equality. And that other humans deserve some dignity and respect."

Oddly, one of the most disturbing facts on this thread for me was the mention of the actresses being known to enter dissasociation during filming. Why is that shocking? Because I know that dissasiciation is a defence mechanism that generally only comes from years of repeated abuse, often sexual. And more often than not it is found in victims of repeated pedophilia. This just highlights how horrific it must be for the actresses to feel the need to separate their mind like a that from the disturbing events. Then even more disturbing is the idea of sitting a masturbiating to this torture.

RitaLynn · 13/04/2011 12:02

I'm interested AtomicBum. Your inputs to this thread have been very useful and insightful, brining in a male perspective.

When you used porn when you were younger, did you hate women, or were you just not aware? Are you now a feminist. Were you then? Other than the looks on the girls' faces, what changed?

Your comments might be useful because you were where the OP is now.