What does someone actually mean when they say "I'm not a feminist"?

[TheFeministParent]

For me it means that either:
a) they are a man
b) they think feminist means militant lesbian
c) they think feminism has no relevance.

oracle - assuming you are serious, what do you suggest women do who aren't pretty and well-educated? Or don't you care about them?

Maybe they just think there is no need to label yourself a feminist because you want equal rights...we all want that don't we?

Hmmm

Has anyone tried talking about the global situation with self-identified non-feminists? The taleban, FGM, saudi that sort of thing? Did it get you anywhere?

Oracle might well be my friend Quite a lot of women genuinely feel that way, I think.

Ormirian, 'tis a good question. TBH, I don't care about them any more or less than I care about random unattractive and poorly educated men. If pushed, I suppose I'd say that everyone - male and female alike - has a responsibility to make the best of whatever nature and their environment has thrown at them, and that it isn't my responsibility to do it for them. I particularly don't see it as my responsibility to ease their path just because they're female (as if I were in a position to ease anyone's path to anywhere other than Tesco!)

Oh, this again. I am with missaltoekisses and amuminscotland - I don't concern myself more with feminism than any other ism relating to people who are oppressed. I believe in equality and would stand up for anyone whether male or female who are damaged by the world as it is now. Labelling myself as feminist would be reductionist so I say I am egalitarian.

In my own life I have witnessed more direct experience of other forms of prejudice than sexism. Yes, I've apparently been lucky.

Suspect some people mean 'I don't want that label'. Sadly.

Ah yes, marrying well.
a) you have to be good looking
b) you'd better hope your husband doesn't lose his job/die/run off with someone he likes more (divorce pay-outs aren't all they're cracked up to be)

Couldn't stand the vulnerability myself, but I guess some people don't think too deeply about things.

Oracle, you may find the punch harder when you stop being pretty (or get beyond a certain age) and become invisible.

Lots of people my age (20s) have been told that 'feminism' is outdated, has been proven wrong, and describes women too bitter to fight on a level playing field.

Lots of people also think that a 'feminist' is someone who believes women are superior to men.

Women my age are constantly made aware that women get better results than men at school, and that the laws have never been more positive in terms of helping women/mothers have careers. Many people feel that identifying as a 'feminist' is tantamount to being ungrateful for these advances.

c. you'd better hope your rich husband doesn't turn out to be a twonk of the highest order once you've got him.

Lawks, my DH would have to look hard to find someone better than me (see - a goodly dose of high self esteem is also useful). If he dies, there is life insurance. He has no proper job anyway, so can't lose it.

My daughter will take up the 'pretty' baton for me once I become invisible. But she is at a girls' school because I do believe that both sexes need to be educated separately in order to do really well. How does that sit with feminism?

What about the international angle, oracle? How do you feel when you read about terrible things happening to women around the world because of their sex? Doesn't it make you angry? It makes me angry.

Ah, yes. But no more so than terrible things happening to people for other reasons. Actually, I don't do angry at all - I think it's more tearful.

Unless she becomes disfigured in a car crash, gets a disease, etc. Gosh I'm such a little ray of sunshine.

For instance there was that time recently where a girls school was burning, and the police prevented the firefighters from rescuing the girls because the girls faces were not covered. It was considered better that the girls die than have their honour "ruined" by a man seeing their face.

Stuff like that makes me so upset and angry, and I can't not react to it, I can't sit back and think everything is fine. My life is pretty good TBH, but I look around and see this stuff happening, and it makes me so so angry.

xposts.

I can't help but get angry. I get upset about lots of different things, but the injustices to girls and women really get to me.

Some of my friends think feminism is hairy.

That's a good post Dittany.

I don't consider myself a feminist

I'm me

But maybe being me means I'm a feminist?

OracleOfDelphinium - "I have done very well in life by being very pretty (which means that you can get men to do anything you want them to do"

Is the amount that a man will do for a pretty woman directly proportional to her prettiness?

How does that fit with some of those incredibly beautiful forcibly trafficked prostitutes, for example? It doesn't seem to extend to freeing them from sex slavery.

OracleOfDelphinium wrote - "I don't believe that marrying well is an option that's likely to be open to my son"

Any specific reasons why?

"Suspect some people mean 'I don't want that label'. Sadly."

Maybe some people don't want any label.