What does someone actually mean when they say "I'm not a feminist"?

[TheFeministParent]

For me it means that either:
a) they are a man
b) they think feminist means militant lesbian
c) they think feminism has no relevance.

seeker the outset of this thread is a good example of MN bitching re feminism: a number of woman choose (for various reasons) to not label themselves and are attacked as stupid, uneducated, simpering men pleasers.

In RL I have been told that caring about my appearance is shallow and trivial and goes against feminism.

I have been criticised (and actually formally complained about) by a woman who was very vocally "feminist" because when we sat on an interview panel together I felt that a man was a better candidate for a job.

I have been told the fact that I qualified and worked in a male dominated arena and then gave it up to be a SAHM had "set back feminism". Equally I have been acused of being part of a misoginistic regime by undertaking the same work. Seems you can't win.

I am happy to acknowledge the good that feminism has done. But do I want to be associated with some of the more millitant aspects of the "movement"? No I absolutely do not.

Ok, I used to not be a feminist because a) I hadn't thought about it because b) I didn't think it applied to me because c) I was young, pretty and academically ok, so I was/am probably doing the best a woman can do out of playing along with patriarchy.

I'm only 24 now and haven't, to my knowledge, suffered in my career because I am a woman. However. Objectification of women is everywhere and it is pervasive. When I was 18 I was sexually harassed by the bar manager, almost for the first time, being attractive wasn't fun.

The career I'm entering into is being financially devalued as it becomes more female dominated.

I'm also not so narrow minded as to feel that if i'm ok, there isn't a problem. I don't dispute the stats out there about rape, domestic violence and didn't dispute "The Equality Illusion" I read. After all this, how could I refuse the label of feminist?

Well, that's you told what your label is HopeForTheBest.
So you may think you are a feminist and be willing to say so, but you now face a line of feminist judges who will point out your erroneous assumptions. You are deluded in their eyes. Come and join me in the wonky and unsuitable vegetable basket. I have chocolate.

HopeForTheBest, but expect the worst and keep paddling.

The problem here is that I think people are reactingh against a caricature of feminism, rather than actual feminism.

NAncyDrew, did you see my question about whether you are only prepared to join a movement or a club once it has become perfect? Do you apply the standards you apply to feminism to your political party, religion or golf club?

Well, Hopeforthebest thought she was a member of the club, but has been told by several long-standing members that she isn't. So how does that work out?

Or perhaps there's a similar destination in mind for a large number of us, but we are taking different paths to get there.
And some see the destination as base camp, but others need to get there first before thinking about where next?

Or should only an elite team who have all their badges be allowed to call themselves feminist in public, and the rest of us can just think it?
Yes. I will be going on the Million Women Rise march. No, I will not be with a group.

I do think that it is fine if people don't "see" the problems - there is no point in shouting.

So for eg the situation with rape in this country - I see that most women don't bother reporting it as they know there is no point, that if they do report it they are reasonably likely to have their report dismissed by the authorities, that their friends and family and wider society are likely to blame them for what was done to them, and that it is very unlikely to get to court. I read the threads on here with women talking about their experiences and how they were treated etc and it's something I get angry and upset about, I want to do something about it, and to talk about it, and help women who are suffering. This is a gendered issue - and as such my concern for it ties in with being a feminists. I am a feminist, I care about rape and that men who want to rape someone or sexually assault them can basically get away with it in the UK, no problem.

I care about other crimes as well, and think they are terrible, but other crimes aren't treated in the same way by society.

That is how I feel. Others do not feel the same way, and do not see things in the same way. It is just another crime, nothing to get in a lather about. That is fine too, although I would disagree with that POV on factual and emotional grounds. But please don't dismiss my concerns, as so often happens on threads on here.