What does someone actually mean when they say "I'm not a feminist"?

[TheFeministParent]

For me it means that either:
a) they are a man
b) they think feminist means militant lesbian
c) they think feminism has no relevance.

[flyingcloud]

Oh - sorry, I am getting it now - I don't want to give the impression DH does nothing. He is a wonderful father and husband (very close to his mother who held the fort when father walked out into the arms of another woman). I just meant that I shouldn't make assumptions that some jobs are his and some are mine.

We always discuss plans and I feel very much that we are equally responsible for childcare and parenting. When I have to go away for work it is invariably him that organises the extra childcare that he needs.

We have OK help but are budgetting at the moment so can't really afford too much more.

I would really like to tackle the sexism within the industry I work in. I don't know anyone who is interested in doing this though. The senior women (none at board level in my company :( ) all claim that making an issue out of it only makes it worse (those women are unmarried and past childbearing age). Best just that we all get on with it.

I was told recently that "2010 went very well, we were happy with your work and 2011 looks set to go well with the systems we have put in place - just don't go and have another baby as that will really upset things"

[TheFeministParent]

Sorry Mjin....it was at you!! I was saying that I don't think the forum insults feminists, moreso that people come onto the feminist area with conflict in mind. Sometimes threads are started that are begging for a fight....I like to think most of the women (and some men) using the feminist section do it to become more informed or to share their wealth of knowledge.

[TheFeministParent]

I do like the post....can't see it now, that speaks of the 5 or 6 women on the board of fortune 500 companies.....anyone else notice the irony?

[TheFeministParent]

Step parenting is about some of the less favourable feelings that you can share though, isn't it? All the stuff that you can't say in RL.

[ISNT]

Just got back in

mj that's a question that I'll have a go at as I'm sort of the other way around. How I feel about it is that it may well be the case that more women than men feel that intense nurturing feeling that you describe. The problem arises when society then takes that, and says things like: That that is how all women must feel, and if they don't there's something wrong, that women are intrested in babies and men should go out and provide so let's set all the systems up around that, that sort of thing. And of course that women's earning power and promotion prospects are affected disproportionately by any time out for children.

From a personal perspective, in my relationship, DH is totally soppy over babies and extraordinarily patient and just loves the whole thing, while I find it harder work TBH. So for us, it would have been better if we could have done the leave/who goes part time stuff differently. But at the moment there are lots of barriers for people who want to do what is not "the norm".

So for me, it's about the idea that while the woman might want to be at home with the children, things are altered so that she doesn't effectively have to be. And this would be a bonus for all of the men who yearn for more time with their children.

That's my take on it anyway

[ISNT]

I think that effecting change that feminists seek will have positive consequences for all sorts of other people, yes.

So loosening up the leave after a baby and allowing for more flexible working without penalty, will be positive for men as well as women, and for society as a whole TBH.

Working on the way sexual assaults are handled by the police will obviously positively impact for men and children who are attacked.

Stamping out street harrassment towards women would have a knock on effect on other types of street harrassment I'm sure.

And so on.

Having said that, there are some very strong conflicting views about things like automatic 50/50 residency on here even amongst the "regulars" - which has led to (how can I put it) lively debate in the past

[seeker]

"Noddy I think most contributors to the feminism section are active....most of us met at the conference."

Ah, I was wondering why what I was saying didn't seem to be having much impact!

[OracleOfDelphinium]

mjin - I think you are quite right about work!

[TheFeministParent]

Eh? Are you joking? Dittany didn't go either!

[ISNT]

Not all of us! But some of us did. Come next year! It was fun and really nice to meet up. We all wore our dungarees and exchanged leg-hair plaiting tips

I've enjoyed your posts on this thread seeker

[TheFeministParent]

mjin.... Of course parents should both have equal opportunities when it comes to parental leave and working. However for most of us the decision about baby/child rearing comes down to money and thus far, out of all my friend bar one, the man earns significantly more and so he stays in his job. BF can present issues with some work too.

[TheFeministParent]

There's always the march in March too, seeker!