Do all women deny themselves for their families, or is it just mothers?

[Ormirian]

Was anyone else brought up to give the rest of the family the biggest portion of food, if it's running short? To worry more about what they give at christmas than they receive? Is it a woman thing? Or just a mother thing? And is it generational - a hang over from the war and rationing? I wasn't around during rationing but I was brought up by a mother that was.

I don't know, my dp will always say I should have the last of whatever, he will always offer it to me.

My grandmother born 1914, always gave the men of the family larger portions. I guess she was brought up that they were the breadwinners/had physical jobs so needed the calories ? makes sense I guess.
I give my DH larger portion because he is hungrier than me, and my DD the best choicest titbits because she is my genetic offspring and I want her to survive. All mammal females do this I'm sure.

My mother certainly gave my father more food than us - he was the only one of us (I have a sister, who became anorexic) allowed to eat guilt-free.

I'm afraid I personally do not illustrate SarfEasticated theories of the mammal female, wrt the nicest bits of food.

When I say 'allowed', it was my father's attitude just as much as my mother's, btw. They both considered any woman who verged over the underweight to be an uncontrolled and hideous pig.

I do this, if I break an one of the eggs, I will have it, is that the sort of thing you mean? Thought everyone did that.

Yes, that sort of thing onedge.

Example - we were out christmas shopping and kids were hungry. So we stopped to get hot dogs - I had enough cash for 4 so I went without. When I cooked a lamb casserole the other night there was less than I thought so I served the others and had was was left.

I should have said that my DD is 3. when she is older she might not be quite so lucky!

Very interesting thread though.

I shock people all the time by not letting DH always take the biggest portion...I will argue till' the cows come home over cake and ice cream!

I was brought up in a house where the men got the biggest serving....I think its because in working class history, men did very physical and dangerous work...mining, steelworking etc and probably needed more.

Women are tougher...and can srvive in crisis easier.

But since DH doesn't work down a mine..bugger him..the pie is MINE!

ROFL!

THat is much more sensible. I can totally understand giving up things for my DC if neccessary but not sure why I do it for DH. I am 90% certain he wouldn't be prepared to do the same.

I don't do this, don't know anyone else who does but then when I was growing up it was just me and my Mum so no gender issues there.

If I'm cooking and cock something up I'll give myself the dodgy portion but that's because I want to preserve my image as a good cook

MIL gives women smaller portions than men (she can't quite get over the fact that I consider a portion of beans on toast to be 2 whole slices of bread), she will run herself ragged in the kitchen and have the most uncomfortable chair but she doesn't go short of food.

There is no way I would go without and let my husband have it all like in Omrmirians example of the hot dog. I would half it with him but wouldnt have none. I dont like going without so wouldnt put myself in a situation where I ended up with none or not much. I dont think it is selfish, I just like eating!

I have a friend whose father would feed her brother the rest of her meal if he finished his dinner before her . She, understandably ate extremely fast and without much finesse! And needless to say she doesn't subscribe to the unequal portions theory!

I would do the same as snowflake in the hotdog situation too, assuming that everyone wants some, it would be the case that everyone gets some.

There are definitely more than one style of "going without" on here - the thing my gran did with the sexes included me getting about half as much as my brother - even though I was bigger (older) and we were both running around the same amount. The idea behind that is that boys are more important than girls, which is a bad message IMO.

snowy that handbag looks fabulous with the dress

Apart from anything else, like many of the DHs on here, my DH wouldn't have a situation where we were all hungry and I went without - he would offer me the whole thing and would not accept less than going halves with him.

xposted with you scallops that's appalling

My mother was/is like this. My sister and I have reacted in the opposite direction, dsis has a partner who does all the cooking, all the time. I very emphatically do not cook for DP unless I feel he's done half the cooking for me. I'll ostentatiously cook for me and the dds if I feel like it.

But dp wouldn't accept womanly sacrifice either, which is one thing I like about him. my mother (who feels sorry for him, being with a selfish feminist like me) tries to feed him up "Sit down, DP, you must be tired, have some more cake" and he loathes it.

I have never come across this idea before

ISNT - I know! I was trully appalled. There were obviously other abusive issues going on with regards to her father - but for some reason that one really hit home because it was so blatantly sexist and misogynistic.

Well it certainly happens. I must admit I thought that the "giving the females less on principle" thing had died out though

My Grandma, during the war used to give her DC and my Grandad the meat and just eat the fat herself. So only she was doing the sacrificing basically - all a bit skewed really (my Grandad was a first class prick though from all accounts).

isn't it to do with, historically, that men went out into the fields/other physical labour and needed the strength to do the work needed, in order to bring in an income? so in many of our parents/grandparents generations that would still be true, that the man would be the breadwinner while the mother made the family home, which was in part to provide the food for the workers and growers (men and children).

I give my boys food first (best bits, bits they like, but also so it can cool down) and give DH a bigger portion than me, as he is 6ft4, cycles to work and is very sporty. I reckon he eats twice of what an average man eats.

As I need fewer cals, I will give myself a smaller portion (still a big plate of food though).

Am not a martyr! I always cook plenty.

Tomorrow, I will serve EVERYONE first, and will take what is left, as someone said above, if there isn't enough it would be MY fault, so always make sure everyone else has enough.

i try to give DH a bigger portion than me because he is about a foot taller, and male, and his calorie needs are much higher than mine.

when i was a student i ate the same as my male housmates and ended up a stone and a half heavier than i was.

i grew up in a very equal house - everybody got equal shares/slices etc.

and I do NOT think giving men and boys more food is a feminist thing, on average men burn more calories, and eat more during the day.

Actually, this is a prejudice I suffer from, as I always get SMALL portions at people's houses, but have a fast metabolism so am starving later.

I somehow feel it is unladylike to eat 2 massive plates of food

so maybe it is a feminist thing