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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

So if all potential rapists just need the provocation of a woman....

83 replies

TruthSweet · 07/12/2010 16:21

to be drunk/skimpily dressed/dancing suggestively to be able to rape them then why aren't strip clubs scenes of mass rape every time the women start dancing? How can potential rapists watch a woman gyrate naked a few inches in front of them and not rape them yet a young woman tipsily making her way home from the pub is a direct call to be raped?

Not that I believe that, of course, but some people seem to (following on from the drunk=rape in waiting) so why don't women in strip clubs, night clubs, etc get raped then and there on the dance floor/stage, why are they taken outside (ex. taken from the drunk thread) or attacked on the way home or in the toilets.

If the provocation is soooo great then surely the potential rapist can't wait and is over taken by lust (as ifHmm) and has to rape right then rather than waiting until a time/place where he is likely to be undisturbed?

Does that make any sense to anyone? It did last night during a feed but who knows what kind of crap trundles through my head at silly o'clockGrin.

  • I'm using potential rapist rather than man just in case there is any cries of what about the legions of female rapists/not all men are rapists you know/etc/etc
OP posts:
AnyFucker · 18/03/2012 00:29

cailin your DH has a normal wife

I haven't told my DH about my date rape before I married him

I don't know why

he would totally get it, so why ?

he doesn't ascribe to rape myths

he even knew the bloke (we were in the same friendship circle back then) but not still in contact

he thinks of him still as an ok guy

everybody does (as far as I know)

why can't I tell him (rhetorical question)

CailinDana · 18/03/2012 00:34

I'm sorry you were raped AF :(
you can tell me about it if you want. I have never said i was raped out loud. I feel like i would crumble to dust if i did. Typing it is easier.

AnyFucker · 18/03/2012 00:37

I have described it on here (thank you dittany)

I can do that, with little problem now (it took a while)

in RL, no, cailin, I am like you

I'm a strong woman you see, it doesn't happen to women like me

AnyFucker · 18/03/2012 00:41

cailin no wonder you find it difficult to talk about

because when you did, your chosen confidante took advantage of your vulnerabilty

that has to be the ultimate betrayal

I have heard of this before, albeit in the same occurence

a double rape, woman is traumatised gets picked up by another abuser, supposedly offering succour

oh, I feel awful for you, cailin

CailinDana · 18/03/2012 00:43

I often wonder if saying it out loud would make me feel better. I'm not sure i could do it anyway. I don't think i could ever describe what happened when i was a child. I couldn't ask anyone to listen to that.

AnyFucker · 18/03/2012 00:44

there are people well-trained to absorb it, cailin

CailinDana · 18/03/2012 00:45

I always sort of dismissed the adult rape but it's getting to me lately

AnyFucker · 18/03/2012 00:49

I don't take my own advice but would speaking with a professional help ?

Actually, I am toying with that myself

I don't feel a great urgency, but I think (knowing myself well) I will do it fairly soon

CailinDana · 18/03/2012 00:52

I think I'm getting there too. It would help i think even just to talk about the adult rape.

CailinDana · 18/03/2012 00:53

The thought of being betrayed again is a big fear.

AnyFucker · 18/03/2012 00:58

Rape Crisis ?

I will call them soon, I think

I know myself

I don't think they would betray you again

They are understaffed, underfunded, but iIhaven't heard they are undertrained

CailinDana · 18/03/2012 01:04

Yes maybe. I've never really considered calling them i feel like I'd be taking resources from recent victims who are really suffering. But i suppose they're the obvious choice.

AnyFucker · 18/03/2012 01:09

I have it planned

I will call at a quiet time

perhaps 2pm on a tues? The kids will be at school, dh at work, I can mop my kite up before they come home

when is a "quiet" time for offloading this stuff ?

when's a good time ?

CailinDana · 18/03/2012 01:12

God knows. I would have to ring at the weekend. Probably a busy time. When I've tried to talk before I've gone sort of weird. I'm not sure i can face that.

AnyFucker · 18/03/2012 01:13

maybe email them ?

CailinDana · 18/03/2012 01:20

Yeah that might be better although the lack of immediate feedback might be hard. If i could do a webchat sort of thing that would be good but i doubt that's available. My worry is that i get into all this Shit and without proper help i wont be able to get back out.

I just don't know how strong i really am. But then i think there's some proper horrific Shit in my brain and it would be good to scoop it out.

Check being raped as an adult seems nothing in comparison.

CailinDana · 18/03/2012 01:21

*heck

CailinDana · 18/03/2012 01:25

God i just read that back and it sounds so wrong. I didn't mean to imply what happened to you is nothing in comparison to what happened to me.

AnyFucker · 18/03/2012 01:26

I see. You need to talk with immidiate feedback.

Counselling via your GP ?

I get that has a time delay too, it can take weeks. Can be a bit hit and miss too, depending on the skill of the counsellor

I think all the stuff on MN at the moment has prompted some needs for support Sad

AnyFucker · 18/03/2012 01:27

I never registered that, never would

CailinDana · 18/03/2012 01:28

It honestly feels like no one can help me. There is just too much there.

CailinDana · 18/03/2012 01:31

I don't mean to sound so defeatist it's just that trying to talk about it has never worked out well.

AnyFucker · 18/03/2012 01:33

what do you think you need ?

Someone simply to listen/read ?

CailinDana · 18/03/2012 01:35

I'm honestly not sure. I think i need it all not to be a dirty shameful secret anymore.

AnyFucker · 18/03/2012 01:42

I know what you mean about not knowing what you need

cailin, I have an offer for you

no pressure, if you don't take it up it will be erased from my memory banks (not difficult...)

I am around tomorrow pm approx 1-4pm

then all day on and off Monday (my day off from work)

my pm box is open and I am available for long chats of whatever works for you

if you wanted to do it now that is fine, but I won't reply until tomorrow because I am off to bed

and if you don't, we can compare rape crisis calls in a couple of weeks Smile