So if all potential rapists just need the provocation of a woman....

[TruthSweet]

to be drunk/skimpily dressed/dancing suggestively to be able to rape them then why aren't strip clubs scenes of mass rape every time the women start dancing? How can potential rapists watch a woman gyrate naked a few inches in front of them and not rape them yet a young woman tipsily making her way home from the pub is a direct call to be raped?

Not that I believe that, of course, but some people seem to (following on from the drunk=rape in waiting) so why don't women in strip clubs, night clubs, etc get raped then and there on the dance floor/stage, why are they taken outside (ex. taken from the drunk thread) or attacked on the way home or in the toilets.

If the provocation is soooo great then surely the potential rapist can't wait and is over taken by lust (as if) and has to rape right then rather than waiting until a time/place where he is likely to be undisturbed?

Does that make any sense to anyone? It did last night during a feed but who knows what kind of crap trundles through my head at silly o'clock.

• I'm using potential rapist rather than man just in case there is any cries of what about the legions of female rapists/not all men are rapists you know/etc/etc

That is such a kind offer AF, I'm blown away. Really.

Tomorrow is hectic but i will pm you on Monday, if that's ok? Thank you

of course, whatever works for you

sleep well x

Goodnight :)

@ Cailin: I couldn't ask anyone to listen to that

I do understand what you mean but just wanted to contribute another perspective. When I worked for Rape Crisis I saw it as an absolute privilege to perform the task of bearing witness to what had previously been unsayable. I considered it such an amazing gift of trust to be told - not a burden at all.

I would wish you all the strength you need to deal with this but I don't think you need it. Surviving until now must have taken so much courage and determination that I know you already have the strength you need to deal with this stage too.

Thanks josephine.

Did the stories you heard bother you a lot?

Sometimes they made me sad and sometimes they made me angry (at rapists, the 'system', victim-blamers) and sometimes depressed. But always - always - these feelings were outweighed by the sheer joy of watching someone liberate themselves from the torture that is usually involved in living with this on your own.

My general experience is that keeping it inside gives it a power that it doesn't deserve. Many survivors feel that their anger and grief is so huge, so overwhelming that if they let it out the world will shatter into tiny pieces and they will be destroyed. It isn't true (duh!). But in the meantime it takes a lot of energy to keep it bottled up.

Of course you may not be feeling this at all but I do know this - you deserve better. I'm not going to pretend that it's a breeze to seek help and that the effects will be instantaneous but for most women it is a relief beyond words to put down that burden and walk away.

i feel like I'd be taking resources from recent victims who are really suffering

Just so you know, the majority of women who go to Rape Crisis are dealing with what is called 'historic rape' - a significant proportion are dealing with childhood experiences.

I agree with you about keeping it in and deep down i long to get it out but i suppose i don't want to have to go through the process of saying the words. Maybe I'll be able to type it as AF has suggested.

hi, Cailin

Just wanted to let you know, I meant what I said last night. Will be around this evening and/or tomorrow on/off all day. If I don't hear from you, that is fine too.