Ms or Mrs?

[ovumahead]

OK, all you intelligent articulate women here, help me! I just got married recently. I'd never really considered being a Mrs, to be honest I didn't put much thought in to it (?). When it came to changing my name on everything, I couldn't stand being a Mrs, so I put Ms on everything. I thought, well, women have fought for this, so why the hell not? Why should everyone know what my marital status is? (Besides, I'll be a Dr next year so it won't matter for too long...)

Apart from the contradiction, perhaps, in changing my name to my husband's (I did put a lot of thought in to that, and did want to, for complex personal reasons!), I don't think it's a big deal to be Ms or Mrs. I was Ms before on most things anyway. So why change?

I didn't discuss this with my husband, but it came up in passing when a letter came addressed to me as Mrs (obviously a mistake!). He asked me, light-heartedly, whether I was a hairy armpitted lesbian.

Now, don't get me wrong, I do find a lot of blokeish humour quite funny at times, and while I can see it wasn't a long, considered response from him, I did find myself giving him a brief lecture on why I'd chosen to do that. But I sounded like a hairy armpitted lesbian.

Now I'm left wondering - how can one overthrow these collectively damaging quips, if one sounds like a cliché when doing so?

And does anyone have a feminist opinion on the Ms or Mrs thing?

Interesting discussion.

I've spent most of the last decade or so living in Denmark where titles just aren't used. Bank statements etc are sent First Name, Last Name, teachers in schools are called by their first names etc.

The last year I spent in the UK, and suddenly I was back to having to put titles on everything - have to say, I prefer a lack of titles. I put Ms (am married but kept my name) although after reading this thread, think I'll put princess next time for non-official stuff :o

I have on and off considered changing my surname, but not to dh's, but to my maternal grandmother's name as it is now 'extinct' in Denmark as far as I am aware and would be nice to carry it on. Am far too lazy to get round to making an actual decision about that though.

Having said that, one of my friends consistently sends me Christmas cards etc to Mrs DH's Name - regardless of how many times I have told her that a) I kept my own name and b) we've known each other since we were 4, so I feel our relationship is at the level where we can dispense with that level of formality :o

Regarding dc's surnames, they have dh's which actually irritates more than I thought it would. They have several first names each (long story) and my surname is double-barrelled and we thought it would just be too much to have all those first names and a triple-barrelled surname. I think in the future though they can choose what they want their surname to be, if they want to change to mine, or a different name etc.

sorry - not sure what happened there - (obviously so important I felt I had to say it twice )

But Miss simply isn't the non-status defining title. Saying it doesn't make it so!
But if it suits you within your own work etc sphere, then by all means do it, but it isn't going to work for the general population.

Well, in a sphere where the majority of women are married but known as 'Miss Maiden Name', everyone learns that they cannot assume anything about your marital status from the fact you are addressed as Miss. So it does work.

I'd love it if we dropped taking husband's name altogether and stayed Miss [whatever combination or single name you chose from mother's/father's name] for life. Mr. for men, Miss for women, end of. Men should also be free to incorporate or chose their mother's names.