I am Irish. I have also consumed about a bottle of wine. Usually on MN the combination of the above two facts is unfortunate.
But I have been getting seriously annoyed about this whole debate the more I think about it.
Firstly HAPL. Riddled with assumptions. If you are a feminist, you must be a lesbian. In which case, if you fancy men, then you must be unable to think for yourself. Great. If you are a lesbian, then you must have hairy pits. Because other women are not worth prettyfying yourself for. Only men are worth that. Thirdly, hairy pits are unattractive generally, In which case, why do men not shave their pits for women? Because We're Not Worth It.
Secondly, names and titles.
My Dad, who was amazing, had a PhD. For work he was Dr. For home, friends and neigbhours, he was Mr or just known by his first name. He was the most intelligent, funny and unassuming man I ever knew. And annoying. And stubborn. He loved women. He was on the side of women. He was on my side.
In Ireland, the tradition was that you were known by your first name, followed by either the first name of your mother or your father.
My grandmother was known as Mary Johnnie. Her first name, her father's first name. In the town where she lived, my Dad would have been known as Finnain Mary Johnnie, had he grown up there, mainly because she was a more formidable character than my mild-mannered Grandad.
It irks me that women will take the name of their husband because this is a tradition and because they perceive that this will give the impression of a united family. In Ireland this is not a tradition, we have taken it from Britain. And if it is a British tradition, why do British women accept this?
Once, when ds1 was little, MIL came to babysit. And oddly enough, the very next day, ds1 told me that I should change my surname to dh surmame because "then I could be a part of this family" I told ds1
"I am your mother. Of course I am a part of this family." He listened and agreed.
But words cannot express how angry I felt. Because I did not follow the herd and take the surname of dh's family, I am less of a family member to my own children? Really?
And how old is this tradition? And who decided upon this tradition? I will guarantee you, no woman decided that this should be a tradition! That only the male lineage should be recognised. That only the lineage of my husbands father should be recognised in the name of my children. That the genetic input of me, my mother, my grandmother is worth nothing at all? That we are vessels that carry the children, that nurture them, that rear them to adults, but no recognition is given to us?
If you are proud that your children are given the name of a "traditional" family, why are you proud? Of what are you proud?
That your name, and the name of your mother and of your grandmother has been obliterated in the naming of your children? And that the name of your husband, his father and grandfather has been upheld? So, why, why why is that something to be proud of?