bad sex awards: how about childbirth?

[Elasticwoman]

Article in the Times touched on the literary award for bad sex in a novel. I wondered whether any one has any contributions for a literary bad birth in a novel?

Can't think of any toe curlingly embarrassing childbirth in fiction myself, but a funny one in Adrian Mole, when Adrian witnesses the birth because the nurses mistakenly thought he was the baby's father, so we see the birth through his eyes and then the fun of the nurses' horror when they realised who he was! (Thanks Sue Townsend - a memorable scene.)

I like those Usborne books. I do good Poppy and Sam voices.

okay swedes i implore you kate at minimum dot co dot uk

gosh how exciting.

have been trying to google but 'male author less famous o'farell -parsons childbirth' isn't giving me much.

I am pleased no one as outed UQD on here - but I would love to know all the same!

the clan w @ yahoo co uk (no spaces etc etc)

UQD - how about posting the birth scene from your book on here now? I would love to read it. Any kind of birth scene seems pretty uncommon in books, and I would be interested in reading one written by a man. Alternatively, you could say who you are and I will buy the book .

Have read book threads featuring UQD, but have cold so obviously too dense to detect his accidental outing. Any clues, please? I want to buy the book.

Patsy x

Patsy - email me (address further down thread) and I will tell you. If you promise faithfully it is so you can buy the book, not so you can send him your knickers .

Thanks, KathyisSixInchesHigh!

Obviously, please don't tell anyone that I am Jackie Collins in RL. Off to select a leopard-print thong from my boudoir and will get my staff to get it airmailed to UQD.

Patsy x

I haven't actually said I don't want knickers.

Although obviously I'd prefer book sales. And some more Amazon reviews.

(And a Mumsnet Live Chat! That would be the height of fame... better than R&J...)

I'm not CATted, onebat, otherwise I'd tell you.

I am sending a thong, darling, not knickers. Joan and I may be getting on a bit, but we do have our repuatations to maintain.

Amazon sales surge coming up (there's only one book in stock at the moment, so the surge may have already happened...)

I don't want to be responsible for outing anyone. I managed to uncover UQD's clues all by myself and I've only got a BSc (hons) upper second in Forensic Search and Outing On Mumsnet.

can we do a Mrs Doyle thingy?

Is it Father Finlay McKinley?
Is it Father Patrick O'Dwyer?
Is it Father Feargal O'Flaherty
Is it Father Michael Malone?
Is it etc etc for years.

An upper second Dr Swedes? I am lowly third.
(obviously not if real life though. Good Lord!)

UQD - Do I have your permission to tell OBM by email? In return for her promise to buy your book, say?

I promise!

Swedes - you clearly got a first for your dissertation on Elegantly Demonstrating That You Really Have Worked It Out.

damn now I think I'm barking up the wrong aisle of waterstones.

swedes - what were my clues? I didn't think I'd given away that much.

You said you had accidentally outed yourself on one of the book threads. I think you use the word "accidentally" in the same way Peter Hain uses it.

I've worked it out too, and I didn't even know you were a writer!
Wasn't sure I had the right person but the blue box clue was a dead give away once you know who you are iyswim.

I am reading wrong paper aren't i?

are you Roy Hattersley?

[splutter] no!