bad sex awards: how about childbirth?

[Elasticwoman]

Article in the Times touched on the literary award for bad sex in a novel. I wondered whether any one has any contributions for a literary bad birth in a novel?

Can't think of any toe curlingly embarrassing childbirth in fiction myself, but a funny one in Adrian Mole, when Adrian witnesses the birth because the nurses mistakenly thought he was the baby's father, so we see the birth through his eyes and then the fun of the nurses' horror when they realised who he was! (Thanks Sue Townsend - a memorable scene.)

[Kathyis6incheshigh]

ROLF Pan, that reminds me of when I was a student and we had a set of Erotic Fridge Magnet Poetry - we discovered you could write quite a decent range of Jamie Oliver/Nigella Lawson/Nigel Slater style recipes with it!

[charliegal]

I am interested in how many of you mentioned 'The L-Shaped Room', as I immediately thought of it when I read the thread title. I read it 20 years ago when I was 15 and the description has stayed with me, particularly something about a white hot ring of pain. My ante natal teacher used to talk about the ring of fire when the baby is crowning, ouch and I always thought of that book.

[Elasticwoman]

Please never try to emulate Tony Parsons, UQD. He needs a Bad Literature Award all of his own. Absolutely vomitworthy. But i really like Nick Hornby.

Being famous isn't everything. Look at Jeffrey Archer.

[MerryAnnSinglemas]

charliegal - now I do remember that white hot ring of pain !!

[MerryAnnSinglemas]

am not keen on Tony Parsons - I like John O'Farrell

[Swedes2Turnips1]

I think I am confusing Parsons with John O'Farrell. It is O'Farrell who observes women very well. Will check tomorrow and find the particular passage in the book that moved me to tears.

[MerryAnnSinglemas]

yes do !

[Vulgar]

I think I'd like john o Farrell too. What has he written?
(ignorant emocion)

[MerryAnnSinglemas]

'May contain nuts' is one

[MerryAnnSinglemas]

www.fantasticfiction.co.uk/o/john-ofarrell/

[Vulgar]

Thanks MerryAnn.

You are brilliant for recommended reads. I have loved all the ones you have recommended so far.

I'm reading "The Country Child" at the moment, which I'm loving for it's soothing qualiites. A great book when madness is going on all around!

[MerryAnnSinglemas]

thanks vulgar - that's a lovely thing to say ! I always like to read A Country Child's Christmas chapters about this time - you can smell the apples in the apple chamber and feel the snow - fabulous !

[onebatmother]

So he's J O'F then?

[CountessDracula]

Tony Parsons
yeuch

Are you JOF UQD??

[onebatmother]

we love you if you are. well i do.

[onebatmother]

damn haven't read last one tho. is there childbirth scene in JOF last novel? a/one?

[onebatmother]

SO Anywaays
Shall we start a Creative Writing thread for Best childbirth scene?

[onebatmother]

Oh gowon.
That's a good idea, you know it is!
Cowards.

[UnquietDad]

No, I'm not John O'Farrell. Not that famous!

[Elasticwoman]

I don't think there is a topic called Creative Writing but if any one would like to write a fictional childbirth scene under say, Adult Fiction, I'd like to read it.

Like to kick off UQD? (You could just condense the one you've already written).

[onebatmother]

oh too mean EW!

Ok, I'm going to give it a go I think. gestation will be long, birth painful etc etc.
so many shite metaphors, so little time.

[UnquietDad]

I've already done it once so I hope you don't mind if I don't do it again!

[Swedes2Turnips1]

UQD - I have managed to solve the mystery of who you are. This is the day that I order one of your books from Amazon .

[UnquietDad]

Wahey!!

[Swedes2Turnips1]

I don't think a career with MI6 is assured, necessarily. Usborne books contain a little duck on every single page which the young reader must find. Finding UQD is much much easier.