bad sex awards: how about childbirth?

[Elasticwoman]

Article in the Times touched on the literary award for bad sex in a novel. I wondered whether any one has any contributions for a literary bad birth in a novel?

Can't think of any toe curlingly embarrassing childbirth in fiction myself, but a funny one in Adrian Mole, when Adrian witnesses the birth because the nurses mistakenly thought he was the baby's father, so we see the birth through his eyes and then the fun of the nurses' horror when they realised who he was! (Thanks Sue Townsend - a memorable scene.)

I've just read the L-shaped room after MerryAnnSinglemas recommended it on Mumsnet.

And even though it is only a few weeks since i read it, I can't remember much about it either. I think it was quite a small part of the book. Strange, as the pregnancy was quite detailed.

Great book, must read the other 2 in the series.

What about Helen Simpson? Isn't one of her short stories a childbirth opera?

glad you liked it Vulgar ! I must re read it

I didn't know Unquiet Dad was an author.

No idea who you are though. It doesn't sound as if you have enough children to be Dave Hill (ponders)...

I'm not Dave but I did enjoy "Dad's Life"!

I haven't read any of his books, which is a poor show as his children attend the same school as mine (actually I didn't put two and two together and work out who he was until quite recently).

UQD - Are you a keen climber?
Are we playing 20 questions?

Not in a book exactly, but Sylvia Plath's description of giving birth to her son is the best description I've ever read, and done with a lovely light touch. It's either in her journals or letter, can't remember which.

I don't climb, no....

I thought you might be Gareth Creer but he used to be an investment banker .

Not sure why you are worried about "outing" yourself. I would imagine the result would be an awful lot of Mumsnetters wanting to buy and read your books. Only a few would want to send you their used knickers in the post.

It never occurred to me people would want to send him their knickers. Do they send them directly, or via his agent?

Kathy - I normally send mine via the publisher. I suppose if one were to send them directly to the author's home, it would be polite to enclose a few loose Harrobos for the children. Or if there are no children a herbal teabag for the wife.

PMSL Swedes!

Oh, I know Gareth!

If you sent knickers to my agent she would take 15% before forwarding them.

UQD - Which 15% would she take? Not the gusset, surely?

I don't like to think!
Do you know Gareth Creer, then, Swedes? I did a reading with him once.

I remember the giving birth bit in the L Shaped Room. A great read on the whole, but crap about birth because there was stuff about the heroine choosing not to have pain relief and then resenting the baby for causing her a lot of pain. Complete myth about lack of pain control in labour in labour affecting bonding, esp when normal birth occurs without extra damage, and the woman's choice was respected. It's when things spin out of control and the mother gets into distress that long term psychological damage is more likely I think.

It's a long time since I read it though and I haven't checked the text so am ready to be corrected if any one else would like to.

I know who you are UQD but will not be sending you any underwear. Do you think I will like your childbirth scene(s) or will I pillory you on MN & laugh you to scorn???[Elastic searches for Scary emoticon.]

I keep thinking UQD is Tony Parsons.

?

It isn't exactly a childbirth scene, more the main female character remembering what it was like. I have read it aloud at a festival and got appreciative comments from female members of the audience! Maybe those who thought it was laughable didn't say anything.

No, I'm not Tony Parsons. Not that famous.

I did accidentally "out" myself on the books thread a while back, but I think only one person noticed.

A teeny clue?

Tony Parsons observes women very well, i think.

try this one..from Jamie Oliver