50 shades of grey is a pile of shite.

[EccentricaGallumbits]

Im only a couple of chapters in. please tell me it improves or i'll have to ditch it.

You're right this is shite, but me and my inner goddess (!) reckon it's enjoyable shite.
I skip the sex scenes as they're really boring but having once been in a controlling relationship with someone who was also rather wealthy I find that bit of the story rather interesting and the email exchanges rather familiar!

I've read book one and I'm going to flick through the next two - it's the only way to read them.

Half way through the 1st one and HOLY SHIT! It's bad. It's repetitive, it is badly written and makes me angry for women!

Please, please, domination in the bedroom is one thing but, honestly, never should a woman relinquish power in real life. We had to fight so hard to get any, don't give it up for kicks!

But I got the kindle triple edition, due to the hype, and I will have to finnish them. (and that makes me even more angry!)

There's a really good story in this book somewhere. Dark, damaged guy brought back towards the light etc etc.

However, did these books actually have an editor? When I read them I feel myself going into teacher mode, wanting to put big red crosses through endlessly repetitive text and very bad sex. I can't believe people are calling this mummy porn. It's not in the least erotic or exciting. Still I am slogging my way through book 3 LOL.

rip off of Story of O..me thinks..I am fed up with the "oh my" bit..very juvenile

I don't understand why people are paying good money for these books. The original fanfiction is still available free online. It's about 90% identical to the final print version. Put your credit cards away and get googling

I've nearly finished the first one.

I haven't read the whole thread so forgive me if I am repeating what has already been said
I am good with smut, "riders" by Jilly Cooper excellent crap IMO.
But this is SHITE of the highest order.

1. "oh my" 50 million times!
2. "my body shattered into a thousand pieces"again and again
3. " he looked yummy" yummy? Come on!
4. " my own Christian Grey flavoured Popsicle"...uugg, I used to like ice pops, how revolting.
5. The first time Grey takes Anastasia ( stupid name) back to his flat he takes off his jacket and pours her a glass of Chablis ( nice wine) then eventually takes her to his bedroom and takes off his jacket....hang on, is he wearing 2 jackets?

6.he can play the piano really well....snore.

1. Let's mention a few composers (just had Pachelbel) to show readers I'm clever!
2. Taylor? Hmmmmmm

Crap crap crap..........and all the build up about the red playroom, disappointing.

Exactly, franke.

If it's silly and romping, and badly written, and it IS INCREDIBLY BADLY WRITTEN AND CLUNKY, why pay for the goddamned thing?

Google for snowqueens icedragon master of the universe. You can download it as an ibook, ffs.

It's a continuing mystery to me that Stephenie Meyer hasn't taken legal action.

Exactly right back at ya sieglinde . The fact that i didn't pay for them and that she put these up as a freebie for the fanfiction community makes me feel a whole lot more benevolent towards her and her writing. It's a silly fairy tale with a bit of kinky sex thrown in. End of.

If i'd paid for them i'd be outraged on so many levels.

Oh my. It is the worst piece of writing I've seen since I used to read Mills and Boone as a teenager. Oh my. I gave up after 30 pages or so. Oh my. Dreadful book.

I am on my 3rd attempt to read this and verge on throwing the book across the room every time I read "Oh my" (in italics) or about Christian's pants that won't stay up (no, that's NOT sexy. It's builder's bum) or Ana/Bella falling over or biting her damn lip again. And what was that rubbish about her getting drunk and throwing up on her jeans?

It's awful, absolutely the worst novel I've ever read. I keep saying to the people I know who are reading it, get yourself on to the net and read some decent erotic fanfiction. It's dire. It's all I have tos ay. I can't believe it got published with all the repetitions and "Oh mys" in it.

But I have to read it so I can join in the debates! All I can say is if this is really the level of writing and the type of "hero" women are considering to be changing their lives and hooking them then there is no hope! I couldn't stand the controlling Edward Cullen so maybe that's why I'm so appalled. But how can people be so "inspired" by such a control freak in today's society? What happened to equality and feminism............

I think I need to burn my first book to save society!

Oh no I just bought from Amazon cos I am curious like the cat !

To add, I feel obliged to read it and am joining in the discussion because I got it free from fabulous Mumsnet. But oh my (cough) this book angers me!

Does anyone else feel Ana might actually be George Takei,

one thing i dont understand - if it's fanfiction, how come 'edward' is a massively successful businessman with weird sexual tastes? not a vampire at high school...isnt that like....a different story??

i started reading it and thought twilight rip off straight away, its the way the book is written, carried on reading, felt abit uneasy about all the control stuff, i noticed another error in the story like the 2 jacket one but can't remember what it was now.

its just utter shite though, the sex scenes are shit, he touches her she orgasms, he rips foil, holy shit, not again another orgasm i'm sure she says "he stills" wtf does that mean? does she mean spills lol.

i expected alot more graphic detail way people ae carrying on. its ridiculous, a friend of mine as a facebook profile "sit still and always obey grey" shudderrrrr lol

So glad did not actually pay money for this book! Its very badly written- and is so dragged out. If you read it for the erotica you will be sadly disappointed and it's badly written enought to be painful. The pages of guff about sexual tension- its not even well written guff:) Have stopped reading it as I just don't like all the 'southern gal' oh mys. Total tosh:) plus mr grey and her sound like unlikely choices for an amazing shag.

BigBoPeep, because the fanfic is what is called an AU fanfic, as most Twilight fics are, in which the Twi characters are not paranormal vampires etc but ordinary people... but called Bella, Edward, Jacob etc. The original fanfic is apparently almost exactly like the published 50 Shades (of which I have read only the Kindle sample). It's noticeable that Ed-ward is the same no of syllables as Chris-Tian, and ditto Bell-la and An-a. It's also noticeable that a biiig feature of Twilight is the wealth of the Cullens.

Christian is 3 syllables.

No it isn't. Chris-shun.

chris - tee - un

I ended up skimming it and throwing it across the room! I can't believe this is the AU fanfic that went viral and won all these women over. The writing is so poor and the sex scenes are not really that imaginative. I came to the conclusion the women who think it's such an exciting read really need to have a look at some fanfic on the net!

I found the character of Ana so annoying. She is such a drip. Honestly I wanted Christian to lose control and murder her. She annoys me so much. And I feel she really was just prostituting herself for the big presents and helicopter rides. It appalled me. It appals me that people I know think it's wonderful. What happened to feminism and equality?

This book is really crap! Obvs, once you start to read you have to continue and read all three books, but I would say, if you haven't yet started: don't bother!! The writing is that of a twelve year old, really badly written, super repetitive and lacking in a vocuabulary of more that approximately seven words...."ah, groaned Ana",...."oh my, gasped Ana" etc etc. IMHO if you want a book with a good bit of erotica then I would heartily recommend Walter Moseley, "The Killing of Johnny Fry". Much better story, fully rounded characters and written by a grown up for grown ups rather than pre-pubescent twilight fans.

Didn't do it for me.

Not even a twitch down "there".

Big turn off was the unashamedly heavy sponsorship on every other bloody page!

Twinings (will they bring out a new flavour - "50 shades of Earl Grey")
Apple - iPod for his eclectic music tastes, MacBook for emailing sexy thoughts
Blackberry - the chosen phone for modern day stalking
Converse - (perhaps a new shade of shoe, "bum fist brown)
Audi - in deflowered red

...I'm just surprised they didn't add:

Holy Crap! It had to be Mr Sheen Mrs Jones used to achieve that divine citrus smell and polished gleam in the "playroom",

At the point of entry, she recognised with relief the familiar sound of tearing foil of the great quality prophylactic - thank goodness for Trojans she sighed...

When he pulled out her favourite choice of ultimate discreet protection, he commented positively on how her Tampax had grown widthways and lengthways for added security on heavier days.

Smacking her lips on his bobbing manhood, she decided that sucking his impressive length was almost as delightful as her preferred choice of a Walls orange Calippo.

....etc....

Woke my husband up laughing out loud at the sex scenes. We then read/acted out the speaking parts aloud in accents for something to do on the balcony on holiday.

The thing that annoys me about 50 shades of Grey is everyone posting on FB about how fab it is but I don't see them post about other books that they are reading. Is it a book for people that don't normally read or is it earth shatteringly wonderful?

Someone please enlighten me because I can't be arsed to read it myself. If it's just about the sex well meh is all I have to say on that. They obviously aren't getting enough.