How do people become obese?

[Truetoself]

Before someone is obese, they are overweight. Their clothes sizes also change. Why do they wait until they are obese to try and lose weight? Do the majority of obese people have mental health issues?weigh

@Wildgoat it’s not that simple, because metabolic rate changes with age. I’ve always watched my diet and maintained a healthy weight. I’m 58 now, and heavier than I’ve ever been, probably now just in the overweight category. I know with absolute certainty that I eat fewer calories now than I used to, but the weight goes up. 20 years go, if I ate what I’m eating now, I’d lose a couple of lbs per week. As it is, I’m gaining a few lbs per year, despite running 15 miles a week, and eating an average of 1200 calories per day.

Because for over 10 years you have a migraine or a headache every single day. You've always had them a lot, but now they're particularly bad. They're even worse if you're also hungry. You're also looking after 3 kids, including a disabled child who clings to you like glue. The GP shrugs at the migraines, despite you asking about them almost every time you go. Eventually you get HRT. The migraines massively reduce and you lose 5 stone really easily. See, it wasn't just about you being defective and having no willpower, after all! But then you are told you have to stop HRT. The migraines come back. The disabled child still clings like glue. It's about all you can do to get through a day, never mind building in exercise and healthy eating. And over the next couple of years over 3 of that 5 stone has gone back on, and try as you might, it's not only not shifting, it keeps getting worse. Now your knees are fucked and you can't even run anyway. And yes, you're depressed and miserable about it, but you've been trying, it's not working, and you take what little happiness you can get. And if that's in the form of a hot cross bun, so be it.

I was a very skinny child and teen who didn’t eat much, not enough to maintain myself really. I was 6.5 stone and 5’ 3”at 16 going into sixth form. I was a size 10 through my early to mid 20s when I started cooking for myself and eating more normally, as well as walking everywhere as I lived in London. Then my PCOS started to kick in, insulin resistance began though it wasn’t talked about in those terms by my doctors then. I underwent fertility treatment in my early 30s (unsuccessful) and the hormones seemed to wreck my metabolism, and I started gaining weight. From then on, the weight became impossible to shift while maintaining an intense, but largely sedentary full time job with a driving commute and long hours. From the time my PCOS kicked in I gained gradually until I was about 2 stone overweight, which is common due to the metabolic changes it causes. In the past few years, during a horrific perimenopause and menopause, I’ve found myself suddenly another 2 stone up, despite no changes to my exercise or diet regime. The depression I experienced before HRT didn’t help, as it made me start to eat my feelings and lack the energy to exercise.

But yeah, I’m just a lazy old whale (still only a size 16 though) who should eat less and move more. I clearly just don’t want it enough. Well done you, OP, for finding the answer. Your Nobel Prize awaits.

I became obese without realising it.
Yes I went up a size and my clothes became tighter but I had no idea I was obese until I but the bullet and weighed myself.
I am now at a healthy weight, as I had a wake up call but it is very easy to become obese without realising it. It really does creep up on you gradually

They eat too much? 🤔

I was quite overweight as a teenager. I think just because my parents were and portions were big.

I realised at 16/17 and lost a lot of weight. I'm mindful of my weight now and I think it would be quite hard to become overweight again because of this.

I've always been obese so there was no interim stage for me, I was even a 99 percentile baby at birth. I've never not been on a diet either, since childhood. I have no idea what it's like to just eat without thinking about calories, portions and nutrition. I've also been size 18 for 30 years and am 4 stone heavier now so clothes sizes have got larger and have more elastic to them these days so that's not a reliable way to measure.

Sounds lovely but if this adds up to your maintenance calories you will stay the same weight.
To lose 1lb you have to eat 3500 cals less
Its hard

Different reasons, but a main one being an atypical emotional relationship with food.
as someone who is obese, and now starting to lose the weight, I find I have a weird emotional relationship with food.
if I’m sad, my favourite foods will ease the sadness, if I’m anxious food will calm me for a bit, if I’m happy my favourite foods is a reward etc. it ultimately makes you feel better.
Favourite foods is something 100% within your control too. If you want to get a chocolate bar/bag of crisps etc - no one will stop you and it’s accessible.
sadly most peoples favourite foods are junk foods too.

think of a bad habit you do, that seems impossible to stop and half the time you don’t think twice about. Some people are habitually late, others bite their nails etc. it’s honestly like that but stronger.

there needs to be a lot of self-work and looking inwards to what drives someone to eat to then try to undo this and form healthier coping strategies.

one key thing is, most emotional eaters have limited control over this. It’s similar in ways to those who particularly limit their food intake (eg when stressed, sad). That’s their way of coping with the emotions they have, which also isn’t ideal.

there will be other reasons people are obese too, but emotional eating I do feel is the big one.

Stress, lack of sleep, no time to exercise.

@WhyAmIFatFatFat❤️that made me tear up. I feel your pain and can relate to some of what you said. 😢.
For me,I’ve never been super slim since leaving school.Not stand out in a crowd big but you get my drift. Growing up my mum never bought sugary foods,biscuits,cakes,crisps,takeaways etc. Which is good as a parent and a healthy diet but for me being young it made me crave food,snacks,other people would have so when I started earning a bit of money I would buy things and hide it in my drawers and sneak it. I remember Malt Loaf being a cheap favourite at the time. Don’t get me wrong at Easter I did get an egg and Christmas we would have a tub of sweets and some crisps but that was it. I could never go shopping with my mum and say can I have a pack of those biscuits or crisps or whatever. I remember arguing with her and saying when I’m old enough to get my own shopping I will buy what I want to.

Fastforward to now. Im 5ft 1 and weigh nearly 21 stone. My heaviest weight ever. I divorced about 5 years go and have put on about 5-6 stone since then. For years I hovered around the 14 stone mark. I have osteoarthritis in my hips,knees,ankles and feet and also Lymphodema in my legs which makes my mobility very difficult. I have a stick and aids but can’t stay on my feet for too long and am in constant pain.I have PCOS, tummy and bladder conditions,vasculitis and have recently been diagnosed with high blood pressure and diabetes.

Obviously I know I’m morbidly obese and am slowly eating myself to an early death if I keep going. I’m very self conscious and hate myself for getting in such a state and don’t go out much. Yes I know some of my conditions and medications contribute to weight gain but I know it’s mainly down to me.

I have a food addiction,I love food,it’s my one vice. I have a sweet tooth and love a cake. Because I’m home most of the time I look forward to dinner,lunch etc if it’s something tasty,I’m not as occupied so it’s easy to get overtaken by the food noise in my head. Whatever mood I’m in I like to eat. You would know if I’m poorly if I’m actually off my food.
I don’t sit there with piles on my plate,but I do feel like I never get full/satisfied and can be thinking about food a couple of hours later. I like to pick so mid afternoon 3/4ish a couple of hours after lunch or dinner I want to pick. Especially at night when you’re watching a good Netflix series or a film it’s nice to sit there snacking on a chocolate bar and some crisps. Empty calories I know but it’s so easy when you aren’t able to burn off calories and are doing that every day and night to start piling the weight on.

My doctor has now referred me to the NHS Weight Management team and I’m hoping that they will try me on the weight loss injections as I just can’t seem to help myself and am getting bigger and bigger. I just know I need to try something. Food is an addiction as well for some people,it’s not just drugs,alcohol,smoking,gambling etc. No one wants to be obese but sometimes things happen. I prey I can lose some weight. I sympathise with anyone that can relate to some of this ❤️.

Dieting causes weight gain. Almost everyone who diets regains the weight plus extra within a few years. So I started dieting in my teens before becoming overweight (the 90s!) Damaged my metabolism and mental health, regained the weight plus more. Suddenly I am overweight so I do it again. The diets get more restrictive and more extreme and so the regain afterwards becomes bingeing and it gets worse. Repeat that for three decades and you end up with a BMI over 40. I'm so grateful to Mounjaro for finally breaking through the cycle I spent my entire adult life trapped in - and yes I intend to take it for life otherwise I absolutely will become obese again.

My dh associates food with a feel good feeling. He had a rubbish childhood with both parents as alcoholics. Food and eating gave comfort and happiness. The association and the cycle of that was never broken and continued into adulthood.

Well for me I put on 2 stone in 6 months when perimenopause started. I tried and tried to lose it but was still gaining weight despite eating the same as before and exercising. So I ended up 4 stone overweight despite being 'on a diet' the whole time.

I eventually realised that my 1500 calorie 'diet' was causing me to put on weight because I was only burning 1300 calories a day.

I‘M obese (31 BMI). Im a size 16. I go to the gym, swim and hike. I also eat too much and love food. Im incredibly happy in my relationship following divorce and we eat out, go to the pub, have “treats” etc. I need to cut back and slim down for my health but I’m certainly not mentally unwell and have no need for weight loss injections or anything drastic like surgery.

Your premise is incorrect. Most people don’t wait until they are obese before trying to lose weight.

No idea.
Honestly.

I’m 5’2” and am clinically obese.
If I lose two stone I will be within normal range

I put on weight initially when I gave up smoking. Then I got a new much more sedentary and stressful job so didn’t lose any weight and slowly piled on a few more pounds

It doesn’t help that in my work place most people are much larger than me so I’ve been able to convince myself things aren’t that bad

of course you were "genuinely intersted" in the answer........

Just want to say that if you’re addicted to drugs, booze, fags etc there are pathways to exclude them from your life forever. If you have an unhealthy relationship with food, you can’t stop eating forever. Moderation is one of the hardest things to achieve with any consumption! Also the best advice I was ever given was to stop ‘going on a diet’ but to make permanent changes to what and how much you eat. I’m struggling post breast cancer with the drugs which simultaneously exhaust you (so activity is hard and often painful) and encourage weight gain.

I am surprised that you can’t fathom out the answer @Truetoself on your own.

It’s obvious that some people are already overweight or obese as children which means you are already stuffed before you are an independent adult and able to make your own choices.

Many people, it’s a gradual process not a sudden overnight situation where you wake up and can’t get any of your clothes on. It’s very easy to over eat and much much harder to consistently under eat in order to lose the weight. Of course people realise they are getting larger, they don’t “wait” until they are obese to try to lose weight. Most people have many many attempts to lose some weight, but end up in the lose-regain-more-weight cycle that is very well documented. So of course the majority of obese don’t have mental health issues, come on. That can’t be a serious question!

That might be true if people were machines. The old “calories in v calories out” is such an oversimplification trotted out by people who have never struggled or spent weeks on a diet watching their partner dropping the pounds while they stay the same.

I also have underactive thyroid, like many on here. Even with medication I feel like shit most days. I have chronic pain and can’t push myself too much or the next day I will suffer for it, so it’s not a case of “just do some exercise” when you have chronic illness. Sometimes that can do more harm than good.

There are complex chemical balances going on within our bodies, especially at times of hormonal flux, menopause weight gain is a known phenomenon, and yes some women go to the gym several times a week and eat certain foods to keep that weight gain at bay. For those who can’t do that for whatever reason, having a little snack and a sit down can be the one thing getting you through the day. Being overweight isn’t anyone’s goal, but sometimes not being in pain, or feeling like you get to enjoy something tasty after a hard day is worth it, so given the option between low fat yoghurt and berries or some treacle sponge and custard, I’m eating the latter even if I stay fat.

Have you been referred to the diabetes team for your recent diagnoses? They are the ones who put me on Mounjaro, I was initially on metformin and insulin but my levels weren’t coming down and I was morbidly obese so I asked about Mounjaro and they agreed, the was August 2024, now I’m 10 stone lighter, healthy BmI and diabetes is in remission.

Because it’s all down to short term cravings or wants (another can on coke, another portion of chips) rather than conscious planning of the future impact on health. And it relies on short term pain (not getting cravings) with no immediate reward and slow progress so for impulsive people or people needing quick comforts this is really hard.

So you’re obese yourself or have been in the past but you’re confused as to how people get there?