Friend is acting weird around my weight loss

[Flowerpower101]

Basically the title says it all. I've struggled with my weight all my life but after having kids I ballooned up massively to the point I was uncomfortable with doing everyday things around the house.
Recently I've said enough is enough and focused on clean eating and exercise which in result has me feeling so much better with myself and losing 2.5 stones. I still have a another 2 stones to lose.

Everyone has noticed the difference and has complimented my weightloss, apart from this friend. A little back story I've known her since primary school have grown up with her and have always been the fat friend. She was always slim and tall but during covid she gained alot of weight (I'm sure we all did) and now weighs more than me. I'm sure it's envy or jealousy but she's the only person who has not mentioned my weightloss and when another mutual friend said something about it she said 'ow that's good, I haven't really noticed'.

It does hurt since I'm always supportive of her in anything she does but now I'm trying to do something for myself she hasn't even acknowledged it. I know I should just brush it off but it does sting. I would appreciate any advice.

Congratulations! Great achievement. She’s jealous as hell. I’d be reframing the terms of the friendship a little

Do you see this friend often?

Jealous and threatened. She’s noticed and her vanity is offended.

She may not have noticed. Just because everyone else has it doesn’t mean she has to. I find if someone has a lot to lose like over 4 stone it not always obvious. Some people are uncomfortable commenting about other people’s weight,

if she’s a good friend otherwise I’d leave it.

In my experience, weight loss do tend to change the dynamics of some friendships. You might have had more in common with eating/treating yourself, you might only be talking about weight loss now and she finds it boring, or she's jealous. If you want to remain friends, I'd try to not focus on your weightloss and try and be a good friend to her regardless. If she doesn't reciprocate perhaps reconsider the friendship.

Of course she's noticed. It's simply jealousy. I would back off from her a bit.

100% jealousy. I was the thin friend, I'm now the fat friend, and yes, I'm jealous! (it's not me but I would agree it's jealous!!) I think when you've always been slim, you think/feel like a slim person even when you're not, and your noticeable weight loss has made her shocked.

It's like my neighbour. You can tell from her build that she used to be a tall lanky person (her words) but she's piled on weight through lockdown. Easily a size 16-18 yet thinks she's a size 12. She's not. She was offended (and so was I) when I passed on some clothes that I thought would fit her, and she returned them saying they wouldn't possibly fit I'm a size 12, they're enormous on me. Guarantee she hadn't tried them on but she was embarrassed and I was offended as I couldn't get them on, and she's bigger than me!

Cut her some slack.

Maybe she is uncomfortable talking about weight full stop. I weigh more than I would like and I tend not to mention size or weight in relation to myself or other people, nothing to do with being jealous, very much my own unhappiness with myself.

Jealousy 100%. Real friends are happy for each other.

Oh in your friends defence, she may genuinely not have noticed - I am terrible at noticing when people have lost weight. Although I equally don't notice when they gain! And in any case, I try not to mention people's weight as I know it can be a sensitive subject. She doesn't seem to have done anything actively bad about it - just not brought it up?

Perhaps envy, or perhaps insecurity. If she's always been slim until fairly recently then she might be struggling to come to terms with how she is now. It's probably negative feelings, but it's just as likely to be negative against herself rather than negative about you.

Might be envy. Might genuinely be that she hasn’t noticed- I’m not very good at noticing this sort of thing myself. If I ever do notice a friend looking slimmer I would be just as likely to assume it’s different clothes or that I’d got it wrong before.

Also some people think it’s rude to mention weight changes- that commenting on weight loss comes across as saying that you needed to lose it.

I wouldn’t sweat it, op.

Maybe she’s jealous has she done something to make you believe that? Or, has she just not said anything about it? Why do you need her to mention it. Having grown up with a mother with series diet/food issues there is absolutely no way I would comment on anyone’s weight. Even though you have lost weight and you are happy to receive compliments maybe it’s a topic she feels extremely uncomfortable talking about.

Some people (like myself actually) don't focus on the way other people look and I definitely wouldn't compliment someone losing weight, I actually think that behaviour is quite toxic.

Your friend values you as their friend not as someone fat or thin

You do you and she can do herself

I've been the thin and fat friend so can see both sides. Your friend is probably feeling very down about her weight, she will be very conscious that she weighs more than you now, and is probably pretty upset about it. That doesn't make her a bad friend. We're all human and struggle with different things. She's allowed to be jealous of you and still be a friend.

A question is, are you always talking about your loss? You know better than anyone how hard it is to lose weight. Maybe have a bit of empathy as to how your friend is feeling rather than being annoyed she's not congratulating you

I mean ask yourself, why do you need validation from her about the way you look?

Why do you place so much value on the way people look?

This whole situation says a lot more about you than it does about her

She's jealous

I don’t think I expect to be congratulated and in all honesty people saying things to me isn’t always a good experience. Someone recently told me my boobs were really small now. Thanks lol. Yeah I have worked hard but I remember how shit it feels to be overweight and down at myself. I talk about it on here but I don’t really like it being all anyone wants to talk about in real life it’s a bit shallow and feels awkward. I work with a lady who I get on very well with but I am aware my weight loss makes her feel uncomfortable so we never ever discuss it

I think if you see someone all the time you don't really notice gradual weight loss. It's only when you haven't seen that person for a long time that it's more evident.

I'm usually reluctant to comment on someone else's body size unless they introduce the subject themselves, and then I'll establish that the weight loss is something they're pleased about before congratulating them and inviting them to tell me how they did it. It doesn't have anything to do with being jealous or begrudging.

Congratulations on your endeavours.🫶🏻

It's a shame that most people jump to jealousy as her reasoning.

I genuinely don't notice weight loss or gain on people.

I've lost 10 stone myself and I know intellectually I must look different, but I don't feel I look 10 stone different.

I'm.very cautious about talking of weightloss too.some people hate the implication that they looked terrible before.

And a few people have gently asked if I've been unwell.

Please don't assume the worst of people.💐

Did you mean the clothes were too big for you or too small? :)

It is most likely nothing to do with you. I have lost weight, and gained it again. When I lost weight and people commented, it felt weird, because all I could think about was what they must have thought but didn't say when I was fatter. Now I've gained again and I feel very self conscious knowing that people have absolutely noticed but it isn't acceptable to comment on weight gain.
I've also been the one to comment on weight loss, then hate myself afterwards as I had no idea if the loss was on purpose or not, or if the person had issues around weight/food.
I've learned now to never comment on weight either way, as there is no way of knowing how it will land. Maybe this is how your friend is thinking.

This

I genuinely don’t notice weight loss or gain, I have no idea what size clothes people might wear and will often buy a medium for example as a present when someone is actually an extra large.

Have you told her that you’re proud of how much weight you’ve lost? Sorry if you have and I’ve missed it.